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A new hot pile of stepsh!t

2Tired4Drama's picture

Just when you think life is calm, and disengagement can really work ...stephell spews forth once again. 

As a quick backstory, my SO and I have been together 15 years. SD30 has never warmed up to me. We have no relationship and I've essentially disengaged for several years now.  SD, like many others of her ilk, plays her father like a fiddle. She is married (to an oaf) and had the one and only grandkid this past year.  

SD has always been close to her mother, even moreso since there is a gskid involved now.  Yet she rarely initiates contact with my SO, her father.  Keeps him at arms length.

So here's the situation: BM is close to an extended family member I'll call "Dude."  Dude is in federal prison for some pretty serious stuff and won't be getting out for awhile.  My SO and SD both decided years ago that they wanted nothing to do with Dude anymore, as has most of the extended family. SD knows my SO feels the same way she does and has expressed concern (and some anger) that BM still keeps in touch with incarcerated Dude.  

Tonight, my SO's phone rings and guess who's on the other end?  Why it's Dude!!!  My SO was stunned and confused as to why Dude called him - he hasn't talked to him in years, long before he was even incarcerated. Dude acted as though he was just calling to see how my SO was but our assumption is he will eventually call again to hit up my SO for money or something else - which my SO wants nothing to do with. 

The big question here is how did Dude get my SO's number?  You guessed it!  Why the ever-so-helpful BM gave it to him!!  And how did BM get my SO's number (because she didn't have it)?  Well, the ever-so-helpful SD gave it to BM, no questions asked. 

SO only found this out when he called SD tonight to ask what was going on, that's when SD said she had given my SO's number to BM about a week or so ago.  She claims BM didn't say what she wanted his number for, she just gave it to her.  I find this highly improbable since BM and SD are up each other's butts on a daily basis.  

This felon now has my SO's phone number and can call him up anytime he wants.  Of course, my SO can block it but the point is Dude has my SO's phone number and who knows what he will do with it, or who he might pass it along to in prison.

When my SO learned how all this transpired, he basically told me the facts of what BM (and SD) did with no emotion or signs of anger.  When I expressed horror and outrage, and said that what BM did was despicable, he just sat there and said nothing. 

I also pointed out to my SO that SD acted terribly and should have known better.  She should not have given his number to BM without asking him first, then this mess wouldn't have happened.  On this point, my SO made it very clear that he placed NO BLAME WHATSOEVER on his ADULT daughter who passed his number over to BM without so much as a courtesy text asking if it was OK.  He said he was perfectly fine with her doing that and he had no objections to it whatsoever.

WTF?  If I ever gave out my SO's phone number to someone I KNOW HE DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR FROM, he would never let me live that one down.  But BM and SD get a pass?  

At least, that's what he acts like now.  But as many of you know from experiencing it yourself, the anger is merely bubbling below the surface and will start boiling up in him in no time. I am gearing up for the passive-aggressive pokes he will try taking at me as a means of getting his frustration out. 

Not this time. I'm laying down my gauntlet on this one as it's way over the line.  What BM did has an impact on my life, too, as I don't want to be wondering when the next phone call might be, or when some felon may knock at the door, courtesy of Dude. 

I am beyond livid. Even when you disengage you still get stepsh!t on your shoes. 





Exjuliemccoy's picture

Stepshit on your shoes.It's an instant classic.

He doesn't mind having his number given out to exes and criminals? Maybe you should share it on the internet - Let him get some extra enjoyment from choosing to ignore bad behavior.

And good on you for being primed to feed his b.s. back to him if/when he tries to take his self-inflicted frustration out on you.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Meaning, stepsh!t that is. 

And just when you think the path ahead seems straight and clear, WHAM another pile appears right under your foot!  I think this is why the younger people on this site should spend time here on the Adult Stepkid section - it NEVER seems to go away, does it!?  

I like your idea of sharing his number and see what he would say.  Oh, some insurance salesperson wants it?  No problem!  Some timeshare company wants it?  No problem!   Some political fundraising organization?  Why yes, here's a phone number you can have!

I know that this fundamentally isn't his fault and he didn't ask for this but what burns me up the most is his REACTION to SD (and BM, by proxy.)    Especially SD.  He flat-out said he places no blame on SD and he is OK with her giving his number to BM without asking.  There is no way he will ever confront her about anything, ever.

You know...the standard guilty, scared father who will never ever address this ADULT child's bad behavior for fear the scaps of attention he gets will dry up completely.  




Survivingstephell's picture

Write a letter to the warden explaining what happened , history and concerns about Dude having the number.  They will take care of it inside. ( DH is a retired 30 year corrections officer)  You will have to change his number for ultimate safety.  I think too, that it might be time for a very loud lecture to SD about clarity on boundaries when it comes to her and BM.   

2Tired4Drama's picture

This is good information to know.  

What is doubly-concerning to me is that SO and I have a shared line phone plan which is under his name.  I've already called the phone company and am going to be transferring my phone number to my own account/plan, separate from his.  


Anonymous1983's picture

Stepshit on your shoes. I am totally using that phrase from now on!  

Dovina's picture

its safe to get back in the water (reference the movie Jaws ) they pull something, and then not so shockingly DH defends defends and defends the precious poopsie.

This time it is serious, so glad you transferred your number and got your own plan.

So sad that our DH's are so afraid to stand up to their adult princesses, yet have zero problem pushing back at us.

Sorry 2tiredfordrama that this happened. Stay safe!!!

2Tired4Drama's picture

LOL!  Jaws theme song is now swimming in my ears!

Yeah, and what it is that they won't stand up to their precious princesses?  I just don't get it.  Especially once they are adults.  They should be held to the same level of accountability as any other adult, but they're not.  

For example, if my SO's sister gave his phone number to BM you can absolutely believe he would have reamed her a new one!  There is no way he would have defended it.  But because it's his princess, she can do no wrong.  It's such a sick dynamic.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Even when they know they are wrong, they will be right to an enmeshed husband; even if he knows for a fact they are wrong, there is always some silly pathetic excuse he creates in his mind to spin out of control again.

There is peace in staying away from the sick drama ---when they assign YOU the key role, as the outsider family bullied victim.  You take a lot of sport away by not being there...still, they keep trying to get to you everyway they is so totally insane!