I Know I Shouldnt Let This Bother Me
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I dont know what is wrong with me . I have been disengaged from my SK;S for a while now but it still bother's me that my DH still text the SDIL's on birthday's anniversaries and etc. Why should I give a shit ?. OF course SK'S and DIL'S eat it up knowing they intentionaly would never text me these things . I can see DH texing his kids happy birthday and happy anniversary but the his DIL'S that he knows has treated me like a dang dog ?I know I sound selfish but how can I just get over these stupid SDIL's that are so toxic to me.
Just keep away from them. If
Just keep away from them. If he wants to have a relationship with them so be it as long as he isn't trying to push a relationship on you. If it comes to the point where he is always leaving you alone to run off and do what they say then there could be a problem, but until then enjoy your life with your DH and don't worry about those girls.
Like me, you're not fully
Like me, you're not fully disengaged. When it doesn't bother you any more that's when you know you've disengaged. It still pisses me off when DH goes out of his way to coddle his asshole kids who treat me (and him) like shit. But, HIS relationship with his kids (SS18 & SS22) is NONE of my business. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
He's NOT betraying you by maintaining a relationship with them. He's NOT. Until you accept that, you'll feel hurt. You don't have to have a relationship with people that hurt you. He can and does. I know it seems like he's disrespecting you, but that's only because you haven't fully disengaged. I haven't either and I HATE it.
Hang in there!
My honest advised would be to
My honest advised would be to try your very best to "NOT" let it bother you.
My DH would want to write or send texts and sign it from both of us. I let him know that I did not want my name associated in any way, shape or form.
Accept these toxic people for who they are and be happy without them. Don't ask DH how they are or anything about them.
I let my skids and son-n-laws rude treatment of me bother me for years. I guess it still does. What I have learned though is I can not talk to my DH about it. If I do I always feel worse cause he will ALWAYS have some damn excuse for them. So now, I just don't ask.
Just wondering if he is
Just wondering if he is texting in front of you, making a big deal out of it, etc. It may be a passive-aggressive way to get back at you for disengaging from his kids. I'd ask him to text in the next room or walk away when he does it. OR be in the process of doing something SO 'interesting' that you don't even 'notice'.
When I first disengaged sometimes it was hard not to ask about SD, if he received a card for his birthday, if she had called him lately. It takes a bit of restraint but I forced myself to not EVER bring her up to him or even imply that I was interested in her at all. It's been four years now and the 'practice' paid off. Now I could care less.
Let me in on the secret too.
Let me in on the secret too. I don't want anything to do with my awful skids and I can't understand why he does...other than the whole "fruit of my loins" BS. I sit ans stew sometimes about how he can actually WANT to spend time with people who treat his wife so horribly.
When he was married to BM and if someone else (not his kids) treated his first wife the way his kids treat me, I'm sure he's have something to say and would cut ties. If someone else (not his kids) spoke to me the way his kids do, he'd have issues.
Why is this case different? Why should we not get upset when our DHs sleep with the enemy. It's human to feel like this. I wish I could turn it off.
Look at it this way.. if
Look at it this way.. if there was a woman who had been blatantly rude and catty to you and was not related to you, would DH be texting her on her birthday? Of course not. Even if he had been friends with her, he would cease sending her greetings after she treated you poorly. You're just experiencing the strange dichotomy of stepdom where the same people that treat you poorly are the people that DH feels the need to connect with in order to continue to be in relationship with his offspring.
So you're not unreasonable at all. Broken marriages are bound to create paradoxical situations like these that are uncomfortable and unnatural for all involved.