How do I handle the topic of SD with in laws?
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To make long story short, my troubled, incestuous SD competed with me for her dad and turned some in laws against me, and things are now better, but my ISSUE now is . . .
I hate having to pretend that I like my SD whenever my MIL brings her up. I feel anxiety and panic that true feelings will be found out, esp. since I was scapegoated and harrassed over their perceptions of me that were based on lies my SD told.
You DON'T handle it. If they
You DON'T handle it. If they talk about her, ignore it, think about something else. If they ask you to say something, tell them to f#$%ck off, ok, maybe not, but just tell them that you would rather not discuss the issue/blah, blah, blah...keep repeating until they get it through their skull.
This is SOOO true Echo. When
This is SOOO true Echo. When I finally admitted openly that I did not like SD and she did not like me, it was one of the most liberating moments in my life. No more pretending. And no more bending over backwards to make SD, who obviously hated me, like me. My DH's family noticed how badly she treated me even at the begginning of the marriage so I didn't have to explain much, just told them SD and I no longer were in contact. They were not surprised. They no longer have contact with her either.
By being honest, DH could accept it or leave. But it also meant he would never again be able to tell me I was over-reacting or not making her comfortable, etc. It put him on notice that I was never again going to the extreme lengths I had to make her comfortable or welcome in my home.
After 2 1/2 years I could care less if one of my inlaws objected because I don't like her or that she is banned from my home. I am worthy of being loved and respected. Instead of wasting the time and energy on trying to make SD like me and lying about liking her, I fully enjoy relationships with people who are not toxic.
With my inlaws I found out
With my inlaws I found out the hard way, some people just cannot handle the truth, at least my truth when it comes to SD. MIL asked me some questions one day about SD, I answered them, foolishly, and later DH reported to me everything I had said with MIL's twist on it. I learned that day, MIL is and will always be loyal to SD, not me.
I don't discuss SD with any of them, not even DH anymore. They don't like my truth about SD, it makes them see her flaws and admit that she has them, when everything is supposed to be my fault. When I have to be around MIL, I don't discuss SD, if she brings her up I re-direct her to DH, he can answer to her, I don't have to.
^^^So True!!^^^
^^^So True!!^^^
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your support.
My husband told me recently that he reminded his mother of some things about her and she responded, and my husband used that agreement as an opportunity to say that's why we don't like to be reminded of her, and my mil said she forgets.