Greedy Entitled Adult Step Children
My Husband and I have been married for one year and together for eight. He has a 40 year old daughter and a 37 year old son. I have 2 sons who are married and live on separate coasts. When we met he would brag about how intelligent his daughter was and that she would eat me alive as she has tried in the past with other women. My friends looked at him and laughed telling him that apparently he didn't know me well. He had shared that she had attempted to break up any romantic relationship that he has had since the divorce about two decades prior. Bio Mom passed away about ten years ago due to alcoholism.
The step daughter has claimed forever that she is a lesbian but now has been married to two men , cheating on them both with the next and now has a live in boyfriend and now a child. For whatever reason she is the apple in daddy's eye and I have no idea why ...
Met the daughter and her then second husband while we were in New York with her for only two days. She had an Airbnb at their apartment in an open loft and requested that we block the two days we would be with her off on the site . Little did we know that she charged us to stay in her open loft. The first night we took them out to dinner and the second and last night they disappeared for dinner for themselves. She must have really wanted to see her daddy or was it that we were no longer of use since we paid to stay in her home and took them to dinner .
She is furious and jealous that her brother did not graduate from university and built a business while she received her master's degree.She works for a medical center regarding customer experiences and makes about 150k a year -not shabby. The brother wanted to propose to his wife in NYC and he wanted to stay with his sister-She charged him as well ! One night they were told they had to leave and find dinner elsewhere because SD didn't make enough pasta .
Dad has poor health and is scheduled to have a heart catheter at the hospital . I call her afterward and her words to me were " I didn't think it was that serious ." KEEP IN MIND HER SECOND HUSBAND IS A DOCTOR and she was still with him.!
She finally came to our home after many many years of not visiting ,conned her dad pay to for her airline ticket even though he had not worked in two years due to health issues. Generally it's just hitting daddy up to pay her rent that she would promise to repay and of course never consider repaying . We go out to dinner with SD , dad ,SS and his wife. I get up to visit the ladies room and SD is now sitting in my seat by her dad. I think no problem she hasn't seen him in awhile until she starts caressing his neck , back , and head all while smirking at me . To be honest , I was a bit alarmed by that behavior and apparently so was her father . He told me this is getting weird let's go home . We left the SD , SS and his wife at the restaurant so they could spend time together since they have always had an adversarial relationship -stemming from the step daughter's jealousy .
The next night we made dinner at home for the same kids and while she and I were sitting alone at the outdoor table chatting , she told me " You didn't need that French Bulldog puppy " where my response was " That's none of your business and I would suggest you stay in your own lane." I'm sure she thought oh no my inheritance.
A few minutes later she stood up and announced " I'm a lesbian" as if that would shock me...gotta try a little harder. My response was " Now I'm not sure that you know what you are since you've been married twice and now with yet another man . Perhaps you should consider living your authentic life since you clearly don't know your own identity ." She blurted the lesbian as a shock factor, but I had been informed that she was a lesbian in high school . I don't care about anyone's sexuality.
Because she hadn't been here in years , I hired a photographer so my husband would remember having both of his children here with us . Once I told them that they needed be at the house by 8:30 am since it would be hot later in the morning, the bitch fest began.They didn't want to get up that early and she stated she didn't have anything to wear . The next morning ,I told her to go into my closet and choose something for the photo shoot . What could possibly go wrong? Oh we will get there ...
She walked into my closet saying it looked like a closet from The Real Housewives of NY and I laughed telling her find something to wear and we will see you outside. A few minutes later she comes out in something she had brought and I thought that was the end of it , but I'll get to that later .
She lays in bed most of the time she is in town, opening bottles of wine from our cellar without our knowledge, but that's daddy's girl and it's okay until she leaves and daddy goes to the second fridge where he finds an 80.00 bottle of wine open and thrown in the fridge without a cork . My husband asks me why I would open this bottle of wine and leave it to go bad. My reponse was "Perhaps you should have that conversation with your daughter since I don't drink Chardonnay." Of course daddy says nothing -his little angel can do nothing wrong .
I'm out on an appointment and I find out she has been going through closets and drawers in the guest room and office as well as my husbands medicine cabinet looking for Adderall or anything else she can get her hands on . While invading our privacy , she finds books of stamps which she looks up and sees that someone is asking 99k for that particular stamp which we had about 40 . I am in the auction and appraisal business where I explain to her that is the asking but the real value is one nickel ...literally . Her father requests she place everything where she found it and leave the stamps . She leaves and takes the stamps and other items . Now if those stamps were actually worth 99k each , Have we seen a dime ? Nope lol , but that's daddy's little girl and he's said NOTHING to her.
The SS and wife come over and tell us that SD mistakenly sent her a text of photos of my jewelry that was in my jewelry drawers that I gave her no permission to go into. She was wearing my Chanel pearls and her " best friend " , the third on the text thread said " Steal them she won't know ." I decided I would keep the peace and not call her out and I can assure you that daddy didn't call her out because he apparently does not like conflict and didn't want issues between the brother and SD who lacks boundaries. Wonder where that came from ??
My husband has used these kids as his confidantes telling them any issues that we may be having in OUR relationship from HIS perspective . When I attempt to suggest that WE are our children's confidants and that they are not ours , he seems taken back and unable to grasp the concept that WE are the parents and unloading on them is inappropriate. I go on to suggest that he seek counceling and that is who you tell your issues NOT YOUR CHILDREN .
It's now Covid and SD calls me daily to whine about Covid and how she wanted to have a baby . I listen , provide encouragement and when she tells us she is pregnant I am elated for her . I send gifts and think we have turned the corner with her childish jealousy but nope . She has a sweet baby girl who we adore and we went to NYC to see her . We meet her boyfriend who we all , including my children , love ! All went well .
Covid is over and dad who is still in poor health with several maladies and is set to have his third surgery for the year but this one is a 12 hour back surgery . We meet SS and his wife at the hospital and as soon as dad is taken back they leave for breakfast and drive 40 min back home to sleep for the day. Your father is having a 12 hour surgery and you have no interest in being there ? The SS who lives 2.5 miles away also refused to bring anything to his dad when he came down with Covid when I was out of town on business, but they will be the first at the door for money. WE have never been invited to their home for dinner , but if he has a marital issue , he wants to stay with us .
Dad comes out of surgery and within one week he invites his sister and the SD to come out . Now I really don't think this is a good time because he is NOT a good patient and has the pain tolerance of an infant. Gotta love him , but it's true. SD comes with her boyfriend and baby where we give her a 7 day stay at a resort .Dad tells everyone repeatedly that his daughter is coming out to 'take care of him." I laugh and say "oh sure she is " he acts hurt asking why I would say such a thing...My answer is " because it's Sherry."
We had a recliner in our primary suite for recovery purposes and I push it up against MY closet door when she's in the house. I come home from an appointment and he tells me that she has been in my closet again. Oh no , I've had enough and I confront her via text since she has taken one of our vehicles and disappeared for three days . She returns making a fake mea culpa with flowers and dinner but that was a dog and pony show for daddy. That evening she went over to her brother's home telling him that he "needed to stand beside her because she needed daddy's money to secure her and daughter's future . I'm going to go out on a limb , but isn't that HER job?
Later daddy attempts to backtrack on her going into MY closet but I reminded him that he had told me that she had wanted one of my crowns for her 7 month old daughter to play with while she was here. I told him that the crown had been in a box for the last 14 years and was just taken out and displayed in the closet three weeks prior. That shut him up but not a word was said to her by him .
When I met my husband , he had a couple of prints for art , but being in the auction business we collected art for the past few years . I see her walk to each piece calculating her cut , but she didn't know what I brought to the marriage and what we collected together. Her only reason for coming after surgery was to survey her inheritance and I told him as much.
We had a small wedding but intentionally left her out because she likes to stir the pot and create havoc.We would be stuck footing the bill for the airline and resort. Now its getting real for her and she starts calling daddy and using the child as a puppet to keep daddy on the string . She would go weeks without calling but now with my husband's health and our marriage she's had to up her game. $$$$
He knows she is greedy and we created a will and trust to protect me should he pass prior to me. Now she is freaking out about money and her inheritance . Keep in mind that my husband's friends , relatives and her teachers have always said she "was always out for herself ." and that has been highlighted . Dad tells her that should he pass prior to me that I can sell the house, buy another one and when I die they will receive money from the sale . She calls her dad back and says " I want money for a down payment on a house in NYC."
Let's keep in mind that due to dad's health he has not worked in five years and was not old enough for social security , and didn't want to take his pension yet . We have lived off my job , savings and rental property income in another state. The rental property has become a nightmare due to the bad tenants my husband chose to rent . It was his grandmother's home and he has shouldered all the financial burdens , but we live 1700 miles away and no one will ever move there. He is a good man but thinks everyone is a friend and can be a bit naive when it comes to motives of others . The last tenant burned the house down and with that he was finally done and decided to sell the " farm" in the middle of no- whereville . Talks to his son who said he understood and that considering dad's health this would be the best .
Within 24 hours he receives a four page email from my SS saying that his father owes him money for HIS retirement or to pay down HIS mortgage and he must give his sister money to purchase a home in NYC. His dad had given him 30k for a down payment when married his wife with the understanding that it would be paid back. Now,he told his dad that ALL people his age receive financial help buying homes and he wouild not pay him back...funny my kids saved for their homes. He started the email stating the sister had nothing to do with the email , but I KNOW she stirred the pot and the poor idiot brother did her dirty work while her hands appeared clean for once. When we spoke to her the first words were 'I had nothing to do with that email." I think she is so desperate for a dollar that she would hang her brother out to dry hoping he would be cut out .
My husband has Addison's Disease , heart disease ,high blood pressure , fainting spells , nerve damage , numbness in his feet,prostate issues and the SS told the dad that he should have been working all these years instead of being sick. I'm not surprised by the SD but the SS floored me .
We sold the farm by auction and within 30 minutes the daughter called my husband asking " How much?" , he deflected and she facetimed me and I refused the call . My husband arrives home a couple of days later and I tell him that's it I'm done with the greedy girl , but he requests that I call her because " There is a slight chance that she has changed." I didn't call because I knew she only changed her techniques. Daddy's little angel was not to be desuaded so she calls my husband's sister who is a bit off but very sweet . Asking her " How much" and although my husband requested she not tell the kids she forgets . I then ask my husband how'd that change thing work for ya ?
The sister calls us to inform us that SD called her back asking how much money do they (my husband and I) make a year and how much do they need to live ? She goes on to tell her that she" WANTS HER INHERITANCE NOW !" Yet she's still daddy's girl-
She wasn't getting the pay off she was looking for so she upped the game telling her daddy she had been assulted . My response is that I don't believe it and she's manipulating you again . He states he's very hurt that I don't belive her . If I'm wrong I will apologize but there are records or better yet have her send the report ...crickets
I shared with my husband a few of the statements that his little angel has made regarding things that he said about me , but he states " I never said that ." Yet that's still his angel , but who would tolerate their children lying about them ????? He has no answers but I do and someone will answer them.
He no longer speaks to his son but holds the one who is manipulative , greedy and lacks boundaries on a throne . The daughter is being given 50k for her child's college and I've warned him that if the account in in the SD's name that she owns it and will spend it and leave nothing for her daughter . After everything she has done he STILL doesn't see it.
Because there wasn't the payoff she expected , SD told her dad that she didn't think they should speak for awhile , but he told me he called her to hear her voice because he missed her ...WTF does he miss ? The greed? The lies? The manipulation ? My boys are dumbfounded by his kids behavior and have told me don't worry about leaving anything to us LIVE YOUR LIFE , YOU OWE US NOTHING
We haven't spoken since the trust and sale, however, I told both of his greedy children prior to that "If your dad skips out of this world not leaving a penny to anyone, including me -It's his prerogative .
My husband is upset and says he feels " placed in the middle " My response is I want him to have a relationship with his children because they are his children but I will not tolerate the toxic behavior , greed and lies . I didn't raise my boys to be greedy and entitled asshats and you can bet that I would NOT stay silent while they schemed how they were going to spend their money when I die.
Given my husband has a plethora of health issues , I sincerely doubt they would care once they got what they wanted from us .
Now that I have vomited the insanity that are my step children -got anything to make me laugh??
I wish I could ... make you
I wish I could ... make you laugh. Omg. I especially felt your pain about adult skids "coming to help" after DH's surgery--We went through that nightmare last year. Also experienced the talks of wills, what would be left to them, etc. I'm glad you all have everything set up. SD sounds like a complete thieving disaster to deal with, and I'd do everything in my power to keep her out of my house.
How do you think your DH would respond if you set up cameras and caught the thief in action? My DH knows in his heart what his kids are made of. They do not treat him well (and are generally not allowed here because they treat me worse), but so many of these men seem to fantasize that their horrid little aholes are innocent widdle boopsies. *hurl*
love your moxie, though!
People who create a stench
People who create a stench emitting shallow and polluted gene pool are nose blind.
Get DH some reality smelling salts and keep rubbing his nose in the stench he tolerates and facilitates from his spawn.
Live your life
Forget about these step monsters. And if they ever show up to your home keep your valuables locked up and have security cameras around. Honestly you've stepped into dysfunction that is years in the making and you don't have a prayer of changing. Frankly why bother?
Let DH be the one to visit contact them etc etc. Take them off your radar screen.
Stop trying to avoid conflict
Stop trying to avoid conflict. You need put a stop to this chaos. Next time they steal anything, call the cops immediately. Until they face real consequences, they will carry on as they always have.
How does your husband feel about only being of interest to his children for his money?
How DARE they demand their inheritance!
Put your foot down
You can't change the past. But you can never let those two back into your home. And if you do you should higher privite security to bard your bedroom. You know where you stand. On a shaker latter... Get [ if you don't have one..] a good lawer and protect yourself . In case DH Passes before your [ you want to be remembered in the will. Hi ]
The legal part is taken care
The legal part is taken care of with a Vampire clause that states should anyone contest the will and trust , they will be removed . That doesn't stop the greedy from contesting but they may think twice .
You lost me at "When we met
You lost me at "When we met he would brag about how intelligent his daughter was and that she would eat me alive as she has tried in the past with other women." This guy lacks boundaries and i wonder if they all have personality disorders.
I agree. It's totally
I agree. It's totally cringeworthy that he's actually proud to have spawned a controlling bitch who interferes in his love life. When she's finally achieved her goal and he's a lonely old man who never sees a soul he might gain a bit of clarity.
Something to make you laugh...
Something to make you laugh...So you dont cry or get mad?
Dear Yogared, I think you need to get mad. Like see red mad. Because you want to avoid conflict. You need to confront thegreedy, lying manipulative crap. Cut all the chit off.
Theres a saying weve all heard "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..."
Ramp up security and get those nanny cams. Document the heck out of everything (as you have here).
Im sorry that they are treating you thusly. But these patterns have developed over a very long period of time, and they wont likley change without some intense therapy and work and it doesnt seem like your DH is up to it with all the health issues. Its up to you to be the voice of sanity and its up to you to protect your assets.
I dont think those rude, greedy horrible skids deserve a penny. Id request DH give it all over to you and you admin the trust and maybe have stipend for the grand. However, thats all opinion.
Most of all - protect YOU. Take care of YOU.
WOW Welcome to ST.
WOW
Welcome to ST.
Thank you !
Thank you !
Update
The angel SD has shown her true identity that I always knew exsisted and although I'm not sure daddy really gets it ...He called her out on making phone calls to find out how much my husband's property sold for in Feb. Her response was " We thought you would give us money BEFORE you died." She then went on to tell him that they shouldn't talk for a few days . He called her the next day because he wanted to hear her voice and he missed her ...I'm not making it up...lol
Without starting a fight , I asked as diplomatically as I was able, what exactly do you miss about her ? The lies? Manipulation ? The greed? The conniving ? The seff centeredness ? The answer was 'She's my daughter?" Yes and how does it make you feel that she doesn''t care about you only your money? No answer , he needs to think on it and give the answer to his therapist .
You just can't make this stuff up
A belated welcome.
A belated welcome.
I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family adventure.
Your situation with your Skidults is definately an extreme case.
Take care of you.
As long as
All the legal things. Will is taken care of then disengage. Total disengagement... block her on your phone, text. Email. I would not let her come into your home. DH can see her at motel 6. With the lights on. Out of sight, out of mind, out of everything
SHE is not going to change vtinevti get off the crazy train
Update on the SD and SS :
Update on the SD and SS : Their father told me that the SS continues to send him political bs with the SS name attached . I sent what started as a kind email regarding the pettiness of the things he does when he becomes mad at dad and received the response that he was " a computer genius " and was I that thick to think he would actually send something with his name attached ...duh
My response was " I do hope that you aren't that thick to do something so petty and childish while not speaking to your father because he will not give you money for retirement or to pay down his mortgage ." I did take it further by stating that his father owes neither he nor his sister money for a home , since my children have bought two homes sans parental assistance they have the ability to do the same. I went further by telling him that he should let his pride go and apologize to his father for being so greedy.
I went further reminding him / them, that they know nothing of their father's illneses because if they did they wouldn't treat him in the manner that have all their lives .
On one occassion the daughter stated that she was " rich , white and an intellectual and no one would ever bother her. I think she should use some of that " rich" and buy your own home ...Ya can not make this up, she actually said it . We were on speaker when she said it , but daddy doesn't remember his little Mini wife saying it but he has ADHD and doesn't really catch on .
The SD texted daddy to tell him that she missed talking to him and that they needed to talk. He asked if it was urgent and her answer was no , so he told her that he would get back with her. She went on to tell him that she has PTSD from text I sent to the SS- bless her heart -I have much more to say to the three of them and their greedy , manipulative ways and tolerating the daughter's downright greed .Prior to my statement to the SS the daughter told daddy that they shouldn't talk for awhile (when daddy told her she wasn't receiving money for a home in NYC , but attempted to pin that on my statement I made to the brother as the reason she wasn't speaking to daddy . Apparently these clowns forget that I'm a woman and I have reciepts that show she didn't want to speak to him weeks prior after she discovered there was a will , a trust and she wasn't getting the payoff prior to his death. Sadly , dad just can't see the forest for the trees and she is his little angel .
I have encouraged him to set boundaries with them (lmao ) and if he wanted to fly to NYC and stay with her , her boyfriend (even tho she claims she's a lesbian) and child for as long as he liked . It's just that simple that I didn't raise my children to behave in this manner and considering her track record of lies, I was sure he would understand that I would not be involved in such a toxic behaviors . END OF STORY .
Her manipulation has come back around -she uses her child as a puppet sending photo after photo after photo and always having the kid in the picture when there is a facetime call . She wants him to come to NYC to visit for the childs birthday and I support it but it's just yet another form of manipualtion lacking acthenticity and love -it's always what is in it for me from these two clowns.
I attended my husbands therapy session where I asked why he liked to be treated like an ATM to these idiots and his response was " I don't. " My response, along with the therapist was "Why do you allow it ?" He got nothing , he raised these two and the chickens were coming home to roost , but they aren't coming back to roost here .
Fantastic that you took
Fantastic that you took action, communicated, and it didn't come back to bite you in any form. These adult monsters need someone to set the boundaries with them.
I'm very familiar with the "use the grands" to rope Daddy in again. Works like a charm.
My DH, too, is more than welcome to go visit his ingrates whenever he wants--just as long as they stay out of our house.
Way to go!
Rich, white, and intellectual. Oh PLEASE!
You are married for a year
And interfering with SK plans. You know, the one where they get all of BF money, house and property to sell so they can do X.`
Everyday you are there moves themselves father away from that money, They now feel that they are losing there control, So they came back to stake there clams . First trying to make you go away.so they have that money to themselves. Actually SD will cut other out of the money.
Update on Step Monsters
We are in the process of moving to the east coast and organizing and purging . I placed all the mementos from the paternal grandparents and photos of their mom and dad on tables , photographed them . I sent photos of everything to SD and SS asking what they wanted . They want nothing . As the move gets closer I sent photos again , thinking it was the right thing to do . I receive a nasty gram from the SS's wife that we must take all the items with us and mail whatever they want to them at the appropriate time ...when we die! Keep in mind that they live less than three miles away. She also stated that they didn't have room for these photos and assorted memrobilia , but apparently we needed to pay to ship them not once but twice.
As kindly as I can , I told them that we would not be schelpping this across country and if they wanted it that they needed to pick it up . I was told it wasn't happening and I left it at that . Sunday morning I'm organizing the garage and I hear revving of an engine repeatedly . I finally open the garage door and the SS is two doors down revving his engine like an idiot. He gets out of the car comes down to the driveway where he tells me "I'm brave and I'm here for this stuff" (I'm laughing inside my head) He tells me that his dad is dangerous and that his father took everything away from him . This is the kid that had the audacity to tell his father that he owed him money to pay down his home or for HIS retirement ...he is 35 years old lol
He leaves and calls his aunt to whine and play the victim . Tells his aunt that I treated the memrobillia that they didnt want , like junk . He went on to say that his father never came out to see him . Well it was 7:00 in the morning , he came over unannounced, never rang the door bell and his father was asleep . When the aunt told him that he has Addison's Disease and was probably asleep , his response was "So I heard" They know what he is dealing with health wise.
The daughter began her manipulative inquiries and when I didn't answer she began her normal attempt to come between us . Telling her father that I had a secret Instagram account but she wasn't aware that it was for my business and he was well aware. She told her father that he is placing his romantic interest over his adult children ...we are married lol
When I called her out on the attempted division , she texted him the conversation (which he had already seen) telling him that I was insecure and feeling threatened by her . This is so absurd that I find myself laughing at the situation .
I shared with my husband and my son that children do strange things when it comes to money and these two are out for money . I have requested that we change all the codes to the doors again and shared with my husband and son that I felt SS was capable of a Menedez type situation . These kids are greedy and have no love for their father -ONLY WHAT THEY CAN GET
If you FEEL the gut feeling
If you FEEL the gut feeling that it could be Menedez-like...FOLLOW THAT FEELING. I too, felt bad that I had those thoughts in my head but I am beginnig to realize that my body is telling me this isn't totally safe. These SKIDs don't view you as another feeling/thinking human being, just an obstacle. Be careful to watch that - and YES change the door locks and be safe rather then sorry.
Agreed.
Early on I had a nightmare that OSD was trying to kill me. I made sure that we got back keys and garage door openers from ALL family. I do not trust that they would not let OSD in the house, nor do I trust that she wouldn't steal keys/garage door openers to gain access. There was pushback from my husband at first, I stood my ground. No way was I backing down because I need to feel safe in my own home. The irony is...my mom has a key. Guess who gave it to her? My husband!
Seeping into your
Seeping into your subconsciousness through dreams - your mind is screaming at you Trudie- -watch out! Good for you collecting all the keys and garage openers. I have the same attitude about our house adult skids do NOT get a key or code. Sorry NOT sorry.
Thank you.
It sounds common that steps do not have access to homes. (My kids didn't even have access to my home when I was single, and I do not have access to theirs. No need for that.) I think to some this sounds extreme, but one never knows unless they are in the situation.
I remember how unsettling that nightmare was. No matter how much crazy abuse OSD commits, DH still wants to believe even though he now sees her behavior for what it is. He wants to hope. I understand this to some degree, but past behavior predicts future behavior. We go to counseling to talk about these issues (it has helped immensely) and our therapist told us OSD has about a 3% chance of turning things around. One will not change behaviors that one denies, deflects, and outright lies about. 20+ years of coddling, ignoring, and hiding her behavior has not served her. I resent paying for said behavior because I did not have a hand in allowing it. I also resent being ostracized because I am reasonable and set limits. Funny how families can look so...good, wholesome, whatever you want to call it...from the outside, but dysfunction is lurking. Sometimes I feel like the joke is on me.
Just WOW
Your original post had me flabbergasted, and this follow up continues that trend.
You owe them nothing. The Step-D-IL is a douche.
Good luck on your move East, and keep us posted!