Custodial mom letting kids drink issue
I am the non-custodial parent of my two sons (ages 20 and 19). I have been divorced for roughly six years from my sons' bio mom. During our divorce I tried my best for two years to gain custody of my sons. Ultimately the boys decided they wanted to live with their mother and the court granted that. I am an active dad and very much love my sons.
One of the reasons why I fought so hard for custody was their mother is a bad role model. She has been in and out of jobs, has been evicted numerous times and now that the boys are getting older lets them drink (while they are still under age).
I don't know what to do. The boys are allowed to drink over to her house and then when they come over to my house, my new wife has a fit that they are drinking underage. My oldest son has even gotten into some legal trouble and is currently on 3 years unsupervised probation. I am greatly concerned about this because he does drink and he is not suppose to be.
Recently we had a party at our house and the kids got into some beer and other stuff and my new wife caught them and laid down about the drinking and now they think she is the evil stepmom when she was just trying to do the right thing.
I am very generous with my boys. They come over all the time and eat, wash their cars weekly, do their laundry, I just gave my youngest a car and whenever they ask me for anything I try and help them as much as I can. I have even bailed my oldest out of jail a couple of times (helping with lawyers, etc...not cheap!).
They are getting a double message sent to them by their bio mom allowing inappropriate behavior and then me and my wife not allowing that same behavior at our home. I have tried to talk to my ex but it's futile.
How would you handle the boys. What kind of tough love is appropriate here. Any thoughts, suggestions.
Quit bailing them out, for
Quit bailing them out, for starters. Keep all alcohol in your home under lock and key. Let your son's probation officer know he's drinking and that he should ramp up the random tests.
Don't bail them out
Don't bail them out anymore.
They are 19 and 20, old enough to go to war and die for their country. While I would not supply with with beer, I would not make a big deal about the drinking.
did you happen to tell your
did you happen to tell your 'new wife' to shut up?
Ditto this, I remember this
Ditto this, I remember this story from the wifes pov eh?
Yep, I recall reading the
Yep, I recall reading the other side of this as well.
Um, are you throwing your
Um, are you throwing your wife under the bus? Or are you really OK with the drinking and it truly is only your wife that has a problem with it?
Little kids can understand different rules in different locations. Your sons can too. If you don't want them to drink in your home, then YOU can lay down the rules. Don't make your wife out to be the bad guy.
I mean this in a friendly way- I think maybe you should stop referring to her as your 'new' wife. It makes her sound like a replacement wife or something, not a cherished wife anyway. Would you like her to refer to you as her 'current' husband?
19 and 20 is not too young to
19 and 20 is not too young to have a drink or two....Getting drunk and driving is dangerous and no parent should allow that. Where I live the legal drinking age is 19 so it just depends where you live. If you can vote, and fight or your country you are old enough to drink in my opinion. This does not mean I condone drunkeness - certainly not. I have a glass of wine maybe once a week if that, so I am not an alcohol lover LOL. But these "kids" are not children anymore but do need to be held accountable for their own problems caused by drinking. Do not bail them out and DO NOT loan them a car. Quit bailing them out, they may grow up sooner if you stop enabling them when they get into trouble.