BF birthday coming up--dreading it
Some of you may remember back in January when I posted about problems I have been having with my fiance's two sons--ages 20 & 22. The youngest one lives with us. Most of the time he is a good kid, and I can deal with him. The problem is his older son, who I will get to in a minute. Also my fiance has MS, and I am the prime caregiver for him. He owns the house, and he does not charge me rent. Also I get a small stipend from the state for helping him--not much, but it is enough to start saving up my "FU" fund for when I have had enough.
Anyway from the start the older kid has been very resentful of me and rude. He comes in the house, takes food out of the cupboard, eats whatever he wants. He has left the door open on purpose so my cats get out, so we even had to bolt the back door of the house shut. (There are 2 other exits in case of fire, not to mention the windows). He often will ignore me and speak only to his dad. In spite of all this, we were finally in a place where we could kind of tolerate each other, until he got with his horrible nasty girlfriend.
Once he got with her, his attitude worsened big time. Whenever she would come to the house, it would be 2 against 1. She said to my fiance, "Hey you should really come over to my house. Have your son bring you over sometime."--making it clear that I was not invited. The kicker came when she roughly shoved my dog with her foot and screamed at her for no reason. Luckily my fiance stepped in and said something to her, otherwise I probably would have gone berserk on her! After that I told my fiance I no longer wanted this horrible girl anywhere around me or my pets.
There was a big blow up in January when fiance's kids wanted to bring their mom's car to our house and store it in our garage. A friend of mine had just been murdered, and I was really torn up about that. So I was in no mood for crap. I screamed at both of them. Then the older son wrote nasty stuff about me on Facebook. I know it was juvenile, but I told him to f*** off on Facebook. I also told him he was dead to me and to stay the f away from me PERMANENTLY. I then blocked him and have not spoken to him since.
He has been at the house when I am home exactly twice since then. (I think he was testing the waters.) Both times I walked right by him and did not say one word to him. He has not been back since, though I know he writes and calls his dad.
My problem is that my fiance is really upset that his oldest son and me do not get along. My fiance's birthday is coming up, and I know that he is going to want to do something as a "big happy family." I just don't think I can do it. After 4 years of abuse, I have had enough. And I definitely don't want to do anything with the son's nasty girlfriend--no way! I was thinking maybe I would try it, if it is just the son. If it is both of them, I am definitely getting a "migraine" and staying home. I don't want to make things uncomfortable for my fiance, but I really don't think I can be nice either.
Sorry this is so long. Any words of wisdom will be helpful. Thanks!
I will be honest - you are
I will be honest - you are NOT one big happy family (your fiancee needs to get his head out of his ass!) I would plan something private and not invite the others.
Good luck - you're going to need it!!!
Plan a nice dinner out at a
Plan a nice dinner out at a restaurant just for the 2 of you. Say nothing to the family about the plans. Do it the evening prior to his birthday. Then if his children have planned nothing on their own or forget to acknowledge him in some way, not your problem.
Thet treat you like shit and
Thet treat you like shit and basically abuse your pets? Nope. I know you want to do it for your fiance but he should have nipped this in the bud way back when. Bad enough his kids do it but the sons girlfriend too? Thats ridiculous that you are the caregiver and his fiance and getting dumped on by them and some girlfriend.
Its for your fiance to fix if he wants it bad enough. Otherwise dont go and dont let fiance go without you or it looks like he is choosing them over you and gives them even more power. He needs to tell them that he loves you and if they truly love him they will respect you as his fiance.
Good luck.
I am assuming you are
I am assuming you are expecting to organize this event. If you do, just make it a twosome. If anyone else does, play it by ear with the migraine as the bottom line. I organized a fabulous dinner out and movie trip for my DH last November. Invited the 3 skids just to please him and fulfil his fantasy of big happy family. OSD25 said she might come but only if I paid for her ticket over a long distance. Told her I couldn't. Never heard another word. YSD24 was thrilled about it and then mixed up dates and times that were clearly set out in our long email exchange about the plans, and blew us all out just minutes before the movie was to begin. SS22 was the only one to come. BSs were left with disappointment and incomprehension, DH pretended not to mind (as ever), and I was left out of pocket on the reservations I had made and paid for. Never again. Let them organize any entertainment they want with whatever constellation of guests they want, not my job. Don't allow yourself to become part of a gathering that leaves a sour taste in your mouth, unless the payoff is worth it.
I have been with DH for 13
I have been with DH for 13 years and only once did one son come over (unannounced and with a gift!) We were both shocked. None of his kids call, send a card, send a gift for either Father's Day or DH's birthday. That says ALOT about the ignorance of his wonderful kids.