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Another update

Newimprvmodel's picture

Since last one we consulted an attorney who advised my father not to divorce at 80 but how to divide up their few assets.  No surprise she didn't even want to hear about personal attacks and said not even close to getting OP. 
So daily phone calls begging my father to come back because she wants reverse mortgage to continue like a drug addict.  And addiction my brother.  1300 month just for his mortgage and car payment!  But anyway. 
Friday and yesterday she showed up at my home. Friday just my daughter and father home. My daughter hysterical because of the hurtful things she said like nobody wanted her cause she was adopted. 
yesterday she arrived again and I refused to talk in the house. Unfortunately all neighbors out.  Spent an hour of her screaming at me my husband and father. She told my husband so much of that I shared about his prior marriage and children. In such a vile way.   She demanded jewelry she had given me and I took the earrings out of ears!  I feel So ashamed and my husband witnessed it all. I live in fear she going to my office today. 
Mercifully she says she is flying back Wednesday.  I am so fearful she will show up at my office.  

AgedOut's picture

next time call the police when she sets wheel 1 into your driveway. than use that report to get an order of protection. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

I will live in fear she will show up at my office the next few days. Unfortunately I shared some of this info there and I just can't shake this intense shame.  
is she mentally ill?  I don't think dementia because is dragging up dirt on all of us that I had even forgotten. The vile things she spews is her MO. She tries to destroy relationships.  And I do think my brother is the puppet master of her.  Fueling her anger toward us to get more money for him.  
anyway. Time  to stop rehashing this. I never went through this with my divorce.  I don't know how people live through stuff like this. 

CajunMom's picture

File for a restraining order immediately. This woman is NUTS and dangerous. 

tog redux's picture

You've said this before but it sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder. Boundaries are in order. And lawyers don't give restraining orders, judges do. So you can go down and file for one.  Also, do call the police if she shows up again. Ask them to take her to the hospital for a mental Health evaluation. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

Police were called Friday after she threatened to burn their house down with herself in it. Police were there but she talked her way out of it and they didn't even take her to the hospital. 
she is extremely manipulative. 
what happens the next few days I shutter to think. We do have a plan not to go out and talk with her like we did yesterday. Police will be called. THIS IS MY MOTHER!!  I 

not sleeping. I can't think of anything else.  
my husband to his credit has been a rock. 

tog redux's picture

I know, I can't imagine dealing with this. I'd be a nervous wreck. Can you take some time off work?

SeeYouNever's picture

You need to completely cut her out of your life. This stress is not good for you, your kids or husband. If my DH had a relative like this disturbing the peace of our home I would be calling the police every time and think about leaving if he kept engaging with the crazy relative. Cut her off entirely.

Rags's picture

Quit accomodating her vile crap.  Do not allow her in your home or on your property.  Do not allow your father to divest his last asset for her to cater to your idiot brother.

How old is your mother btw?  I assume that she is elderdly based on your dad's age.  Time to flood her with elder wellness check calls when she gets back to where ever the hole is that she resides in.  Eventually someone will see her for either the victimized elder or batshit crazy whack job that she is.

Never again give your jewelry to her.  Ever. PERIOD! DOT!

sandye21's picture

It looks like she knows she's gone 'around the bend' so gives herself permission to continue on with the insane rant.  I agree with Rags.  Wellness check calls or a restraining order.

Thumper's picture

She threatened to burn the house down WITH HERSELF inside ?

I am soooo sorry. She needs mental health observation. possibly more.


Thank you for this update. I know you are very very upset. (((HUGS))) again.

Newimprvmodel's picture

We are afraid of her.  She had been under tremendous stress and pressure over the past year. Trying to pay all my brother's bills and live on her pension and social security. I told her AND my brother none of this was sustainable.  He refused to move to find employment even though this was going on. 
I don't see a happy ending. They are both destitute and my brother is sitting back and letting my elderly mother to figure it out.  

notsurehowtodeal's picture

If you are afraid of her, and she has been to your house - you have enough for a restraining order. Go to your local county court house and they can guide you through the process. You should be granted animmediate order with a future court date. At that time they will decide if it should end or be extended. A restraining order won't keep her from coming to your house, but the police will be able to arrest her if she shows up and you call them. I realize this is difficult because it is your mother - but she is escalating and is clearly becoming a danger.

Newimprvmodel's picture

My brother left a message on voicemail this morning that unless I show up at my mother's attorney for a meeting with my father to change his will our mother is going to my office as early as today and "will scream her head off".  
unbelievable. I literally can't function at work.  I am getting traumatized by this. 
I left message for both that my office is aware of this behavior and they will call police. 
left message for brother that enough is enough and he is licensed professional and if I get restraining order he could lose license. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

This is clearly elder abuse.  None of this legal stuff needs to be done in order to sell parents home. It is being driven by my brother but my mother is fully aware.

i left message that she will be psychiatrically hospitalized which I think she needs and my brother I will call his psychiatrist. 
i  am shaken.  My family doesn't know why this is traumatizing me. 

Rags's picture

Get the RO/PO, have your attorney send a Cease and Decist order and start aligning the system to get your mother protected from your toxic brother.

Go after his professional license. He left proof that he is threatening you.  Gut him and do it now.

What I do not understand is why you have not gone brutally confrontational with them both. If you do not care enough to protect yourself I can understand why your family is not understanding.  I get that these are your mother and brother. However, more importantly they are toxic people which trumps the fact that they used to be family.  Family does not behave as these two are behaving. Quit considering them family.

lala-land's picture

Sorry to hear you are going through all this, but this needs to stop.  If I recall, this all started when you declined to send them money out of your retirement account.  Desperate people will do desperate things.  They are now abusing you, by showing up at your home vilifying you and your family members and demanding your possessions.  They are threatening to show up at your work and are expecting you to drag your elderly farther to a lawyer to change his will. These are family members who are abusing the bonds of what it means to be a family and this is absolutely wrong.  Your mother and your brother are toxic people and what they are doing is likely get the police and lawyers invoked...that is what they are there for.  Stand up for what is best for you and your life because obviously your mother and brother only care about getting their hands on other peoples money.

Newimprvmodel's picture

My mother called multiple times yesterday demanding my father change his will. Then at midnight police rang the bell. My brother called and as the officer was in my foyer he was texting me that I was a mercenary bitch etc. the officer looked at it. Didn't even make notes about it. Told me this was not harrassment but family dispute! 
He says people call daily sometimes. 
We are going no contact.  If mother shows up police will be called. 
I am afraid to kick it up and get RO. Will my brother really come after me?  The police don't care. 

Rags's picture

Quit worrying the what ifs and get the RO/PO.  Have your lawyer send a Cease and Decist.  

These idiots are nothing more than a problem that you have to solve.  So solve the problem.

tog redux's picture

Go to the police department and ask to speak to a higher-up and let them know what's going on. Also, try to file for a restraining order against both mom and brother. Have you called Adult Protective Services?

Newimprvmodel's picture

The lawyer said it was all done voluntarily. The credit cards my father signed. I am licensed.  My brother is very bright and my mother tells me she will tell aps that I am keeping her husband from her.  
I am afraid to act further. I know I am avoidant.  Last night I was ready to just walk away from this asset letting them take the house.  My father and husband said no.  They will go through it in months and be back.  

Winterglow's picture

Please, please, please, go and talk to APS. Let them decide what is going on and provide them with all the documentation that you have to prove what you're saying. Then go to the police station and do the same. Take all the evidence with you. Talk to someone higher up and ask if you have enough to get an RO. You are allowing fear to paralyze you. Go and see the appropriate people even if it's just to break the cycle of paralysis. You cannot continue to live like this.

PS - I agree with your father and your husband. Give them what they want and they'll keep coming back for more.

Newimprvmodel's picture

Today two cop cars pull up. Of course my mother called because we unplugged all the phones to get some reprieve. 
the two officers were ridiculous telling my father that he needed to call his wife because the kitchen drain wasn't working???? WTF!!!

He told them he doesn't want to talk to her!! But they still told him to call. 
They knew it was number 4 in 2 wks.  
My daughter husband and I crazily feel at ease seeing it is just the police. I do know things can go awry anytime cops do a wellness check. It is an invasion of my rights.  

Renewed's picture

the two officers were ridiculous telling my father that he needed to call his wife because the kitchen drain wasn't working???? WTF!!!

So...when you ask the police to protect you from ongoing, mutli-times a day harassment and threats, it's a family dispute and they won't get involved. But they WILL get involved to show up at your house to order your father to call this lunatic??? That is beyond messed up.

I can so relate to this. I stopped going to family events years ago because of family dynamics and ugliness aimed at me. They've been working to harm me ever since, though mainly by trying to turn my kids against me. But I have had the multi calls a day situation to the point I couldn't use the phone to call my clients and couldn't get my work done. 

My father threatened to show up at my work, and specifically threatened to cause trouble there, if I didn't do as I was told. I was in my 40s, a single mother, and absolutely terrified he would follow through. I worked at the time one on one with kids, so I was alone with each child in a room way, way back at the end of a very long hall--very isolated. I spent three weeks with my phone dialed to 9 - 1 ready to hit that last 1 if he showed up.

I agonized for days over whether to give my boss a heads-up but was afraid I'd be fired as being a danger to those kids because of him and I had a family to support as a single mother. It was awful.

They also continue to tell people, including my kids, ugly things about me, but lies. 

I wish I had some answer. But keep blocking them as much as possible, get a restraining order, don't open the door to them and keep calling the police if they trespass.

Newimprvmodel's picture

I ended up telling my co workers about it because I lived in fear for the past 2 months. I know she went to her sons home for the holidays. God willing she won't come back. Such a relief. 
I did let lose it one night and called screaming telling her I hated her. It was 1230 am and the cops had just left.  
when the APS investigators were here a few days ago they seemed surprised when they asked my DH if my mother was welcome here. He told them she said vile hateful things to us including my daughter who is a person of color, adopted. 
I truly don't know how people live with harrassment for more than a few months. It really is terrorizing. 

Rags's picture

This is why I take the stance that toxic should be dealt with as toxic regardless of who they may be.

Could you have taken out an RO/PA against your father keeping him at a safe distance from you, your home, your work, and your children?

Rags's picture

THe Police do not have the authority to make anyone call anyone else.  Your father should have told the LEOs that your mom needs to call your brother who she lives with and made it clear that the only one calling your mom or his son will be his lawyer.