Am I wrong?
Here's the situation, we have a family living with us temperarily until their rent house becomes available,they are friends with my SS (25)who is also living here,we even moved our son out of his room to ours to acommadate them, he pays very little rent,I thought he respected me,I guess I was wrong.
Just a little while ago,he and his friends(husband,wife,2 little girls,and sister in law,whom my SS likes)were watching a movie along with my (his half-brother)son,when I heard the wife talking to my son (I was in the office,and HD was in bedroom sleeping)about leaving the bathroom toilet up, saying something about her two girls have to go in there and MADE HIM APOLIGIZE TO HER,I heard the words,DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME???? In a tone I would not have used with someone else's child! I went in and said what's going on? SS said we're watching TV,I said no, what was said about the bathroom?? HE DEFENDED HER,I told him that I don't like the way she talked to my son,and before I could get anything else out,my SS to "go back to my computer" I told him that I will not be disrespected in my own home,he said, this isn't your home! I was like what?? Then who's is it? He said "OUR HOME" I told him that it was MY AND HD's home,he's name was nowhere on the deed or the house payments. He got up and came toward me with his fists balled up continuing to talk trash,I told him that if he hit me he was going to go to jail so fast his head would swim. My 10 year old went to get his dad up,he didn't even bother getting up,just gave me a dirty look like it was all my fault???
Was it????????? Am I wrong for speaking up about an adult talking to my son like that?
Time to sit down and talk...
with hubby first and then I would ask to speak to every adult in the home (ss's friends included) and lay down some harsh ground rules if you plan on letting them continue to live there until they have their home available. I would also pinpoint to ss that if he EVER shows that type of behaviour with you again,his ass is out immediatiately. Address it as soon as possible, that way it hopefully will not be displayed again. Make things very clear with hubby that this will NOT be tolerated and if he didn't like your ground rules he could go with his older son when he leaves. Good luck to you.
Corie
You
weren't wrong about demanding respect, but were too kind when you allowed another family into your home. I would ask them to leave (including your
SS) giving them a reasonable time to get out. PERIOD.
No doubt, DONT BITE THE HAND
No doubt, DONT BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU
I call it the entitlement generation. THey don't work for what they want, they expect it and by far don't appreciate it!
You are already going out of your way to accomodate them and she is old enough herself to check the potty for her girls before they go if they aren't old enough!
PS - Tell your SS to get his
PS - Tell your SS to get his own place and they can stay with HIM!
No way No how
First of all, if they had any problem with your son, they should have brought it to YOU. What she harped on your son about is small potatoes and being they are in YOUR home THEY are the ones that need to just SUCK IT UP. When they get to their own place THEN she can call the shots.
Secondly, your SS has some nerve defending this woman telling your son what to do when HE doesn't even listen to YOU.
Oh yeah, they would definitely be outta my house. And when they go they can take SS with them!
SS and I did have a big talk,
HD got up the next morning and asked the mother what happened, she told him everything, including how wrong she was, that she had just been tired and stressed from the long day.She told him that she would apoligize to me (and she did!)By the way, we (the family) have known THIS family for years,so it's not like I don't know them at all. Anyway,I told her that all I ask is, if my son does something to COME TO HIS PARENTS.She agreed and said how sorry she was,that we have been nothing but supportive to her family....AND HD went to talk to SS about HIS behavior,told him that he was out of line,that he has noticed also how mean he was being to his little brother that to go and apoligize to me AND his brother,well he didn't come to me for a few hours (HD and son had left to go on an errand, I stayed in my room) SS finally came in and hugged me and told me how sorry he was,I told him to sit down and LISTEN to me,so he did,I told him that I loved him like he was mine, but if ANYONE,including my birth son ever hit me,they would be in jail.He asked me how could I believe that he would hit me? I told him the way he came around the banister with his fists balled up,that's how! He told me he would never do that. So I told him how I have been observing how his behavior toward women has been lately, that his has never really talked with anyone about his mother's betrayal,along with his ex-fiance and now this girl has hurt him, that I'm concerned about him.He told me that no, he will never hit a woman,that I had pushed a button in him when I told him not to speak to me like that, that it was my house, and he was upset that I told him that it was MY house.I told him that yes, it IS my house,but that it is also the family house, he took my words too literally! I told him that his father and I are the parental figures, that we demand and expect respect.He agreed. So,I now KNOW he has abandonment
issues too,I knew he did,but I had never seen any acting out before,and I realize that he is scared that he won't have a home (meaning,a family unit) I reasured him that this would always be his HOME,no matter where he goes in life, that I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!.I also talked with him about this girl and to please try not to get in over his head again,just in case she dosen't return his feelings.
SO,though he may be 25, he is still that scared little boy inside that is still hurting about how his mother abandoned him and his sister and dad.
Oh, by the way,SS is moving too,he was originally only going to be here a short time himself,after his breakup with Ex-fiance, he moved back home to get his head together and regroup.The husband of the family is also a employee of the company HD & SS started and their plan was to move into a rent home while they looked to buy a house and SS will stay on in the rent home, well,that got bumped back when the owners of the rent house found it trashed way beyond what they had thought would be the case,so basically they are having to gut the house and go from there. SS knows now what he CANNOT do in our home.
P.S. I think he also broke a bone in his hand last night when he punched the brick outside.I just told him to go to the Dr as soon as possible.
Isn't amazing that we (step-parents) always get the fallout from what the BM's do??????
hangingin
Am I wrong? Update........
Well, as most of you know, my HD had Quadruple Bypass Surgery in April, he is doing great, by the way, the Dr told him at his post surgery office visit that as far as he was concerned, HD could drive home that day! So he (and I) are going back to work on Monday. Anyway, the update part is, SS and the family that HAD been staying with us have had their own place (that I helped them find) for about a month and a half now. I had been noticing little things ever since, like the wife & husband NEVER talk to me UNLESS they need something. My BS (10) also told me that when he went over there with HD to talk to them, they treated him like crap. I asked him what his brother did? He said nothing, I could go in his room and play videos and do whatever I wanted, but if he tried to go into the rest of the house, (I'll just call wife the BITCH),The Bitch told him he was in HER house now, and he had to do what she said!!! WTF???? True Colors come out now huh? I asked him if he told HD, he said no, he wouldn't believe me anyway! HD has never heard or seen anything to indicate that they "the Bitch & Hubby" were anything but nice around him. I told him flat out that they do not like me nor our son. He said, I had better never see it!!! Well he won't, they put a false face on for him! I could care less how they feel about me, but they had better watch their step with BS. Well, after HD's heart Attack, I took EVERYTHING (PAPERS, BILLS,ECT...for the company) and told SS and BITCH & HUBBY that THEY will be taking care of the books from now on, not HD, it was too much UNNESSESSARY STRESS on him that he did NOT NEED.(he was basically taking care of the company, plus all of SS's bills too!) Well there were a few little incidents that I took care of while HD was concentrating on getting better. Like the day when I called the BITCH and (she NEVER picks up the phone when it's me)left a message telling her a check was at the house that had been delivered here instead of her place, it wasn't maybe 2 minutes later that HUBBY called me and asked me to take it over THERE! Mind you, I'm here at the house with DH just out of the hospital, I can not leave him alone, and THEY KNOW This! Plus, he had the nerve to say that it was wasting gas for the BITCH to drive all the way out here!! HELLO!!! It's a waste of gas for me too, but, I was polite and in a nice voice told him that since the BITCH drives to THE NEXT TOWN OVER to take her daughter to a PRIVATE school, she can just come by then. He THEN told me where he was, about 4 miles down the road from our house WTF???. Could I please walk the check out to the drive and he will pick it up (he drives a Big Rig). AND if you haven't guessed yet, they hadn't invited us over for dinner or ANYTHING, as a Thank You for putting them up for month's. HD told me while he was in the Hospital that they had called him and wanted to take him out to dinner when he was up to it, as a Thank You for all YOU have done! Never a word about me, who cooked, cleaned, even helped them move, and NEVER said a mean word to HER KIDS. HD just assumed that they meant me and BS too. I told him no, they meant just him! He did not believe me. Well a few days ago HUBBY called and said that "THEY" needed to speak to him Friday after HUBBY got off work, they would make dinner for him, he told them OK, WE will be there! HUBBY told him NO, just HIM, they needed to speak with him 'PRIVATELY". I told him, you see what I mean??? He said he was going to talk to them about it. Well, he went over there and they told him they were moving back home, she missed her family yada, yada .... Now I ask you, what in HELL was wrong with ALL of us going over there? HD said well, they wanted to talk about the business ... I said yeah and SOOOOOOO??? MY MONEY is in that Company too??
Sometimes my HD CANNOT see his ASS for the HOLE in the ground!!!!!!! They have NO RESPECT FOR ME NOR HIS SON, and HE NEVER CALLED THEM ON IT! By the way, SS was no where around when they told HD this, he was still working and had got home after they told HD. So I don't know if SS knew any of this or not!
But, as far as I'm concerned BITCH & HUBBY can go to HELL, there will not be ANYTHING from ME again.
Should I say anything to them? They are going to be leaving in 2 weeks, and I am sure there will be things that they will need from us!
hangingin