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Adult step daughter posing my teenage daughter against me help

Liz hill's picture

Hi, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Long story short my step daughter has always hated m, I have tried very thing over the years but finally had enough of her rude behaviour she couldn't even say hi to me when visiting at our house, and telling me I needed to be shot and my ashes washed down the toilet on Facebook. (Hence with my husbands blessing she is no longer welcome here when I'm here. (Husband and kids free to see her when ever they like) she moved awaymformamfew years, was bliss, she has now moved back and wants to reconnect with our daughter and play happy sisters!!! (My husband has another older daughter to yet another women, we get in well and always have. The rude step daughter is trying to be friends with her too.

she is trying to organise family time with all the brother and sisters together to do stuff without mymhsband and I. This is  ok as the older step kids who get on well with our kids are there.

my problem is that she is telling my daughter what a bitch I was to her and all this tuff that is not true, my daughter told me tonight that she'd said to her why do you like your mum you should join  my side, do you know,your mum used to do blah blah etc ....none of this is true. I told my daughter my side without trying to sound angry and remain calm (was really hard) the sight of her makes me physically sick,and last time I saw her I was so,sick,I was vomiting the next day. This girl,is not a Nice person has restraing orders out in her, has had her own kids taken off her my sibs etc...

what do I do without damaging my relationship with my daughter, scared she is going to posin my daughter. My daughter thinks she's crazy, but she does influence her and I know what's she like and she will be manipulating her and being so nice just to make me seem like the bad person help please....

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

”It seems like your sister is putting you in a tough position. It’s true she and I have very different personalities but that’s not your responsibility. I fully support you if you want to keep hanging out with her. In fact, I encourage it. She’s your sister. I love you very much and am always here if you need to talk about anything.”

dont stoop to SDs level and sling mud. That will just put your dd more in the middle of this crap show.

shellpell's picture

I would sit down with DD and your DH and have a talk about it. Clear things up and don't allow toxic SD to poison your DD. I don't understand the mentality of encouraging relationships with toxic relatives, no matter who they are. I wouldn't forbid it, but I wouldn't encourage it, either. Telling the truth and defending yourself is not slinging mud. The truth is the truth.

CLove's picture

Told about me. It started small, and DH would poo poo me saying "thats just how she is, the family understands that, and they arent influenced by her at all.

Cut to now - she has lied about his brother, lied about his sister (not small things either), and tried to poison munchkin sd13 her younger sister against the family.

It is possible that your DD will be influenced, but hopefully she is a strong person with a good head on her shoulders, who realizes what is going on. All you can do is have open and honest communication and hope that she makes the right decisions. thats all any of us can hope for at this point, right?

Rags's picture

Sit your daughter down and review the total and complete facts regarding toxic SD, with full official documentation.  

All of it. Down to each and every nauseating detail.  Your daughter should have the facts. All of them.  Regularly discuss it with DD. Engage DD to grow your relationship with her to a sate of full and total discussion of anything and everything related to toxic SD.

SD may be your DD's older sister... but.... toxic is toxic and toxic needs to be confronted and destroyed when it raises it's ugly head. Your DD needs every fact and tool possible for assessing and dealing with her elder sister's toxic crap.

Time for total destruction of SD.  Her campaign focused on your daughter earns her abject misery, total destruction and makes her a total write off. Your DH needs to be all in on this since SD is targeting his younger daughter.

Go for her throat and rip it out.... figuratively of course.

Good luck.

Liz hill's picture

Yes the adult demon spawn is my dd half sister. Thanks every e for your advice appreciate it. Hubby has been good and told kids sd not nice person and. They know her. history and told them to be careful. Still annoys.  me hubby talks to sd. As. He. Knows what a bitch she is but at the. End. Of the. Day his daughter and. His choice,. Never going to let her get. I. The way. Of our relationship as that is what she spent her whole teenage years doing, and know she's starting to try to get at me through my kids.... As she can't. get at me as. I. Have disengaged from her... Best thi g I have ever done. Thanks for the advice everyone nice to know other people who get it.