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Question about modifying visitation schedule...

kalmolil's picture

I have a random question, of sorts. My DH is NCP with SD8. He has standard visitation order in TX and is granted 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends with additional time for summer, spring break and holidays as allocated by the courts. Anyhow, his work schedule fluctuates and his days off change every three months. Having said that, and not wanting to bore anyone with an ENORMOUSLY long history, SD8 has been alienated from her Dad by BM to the point that SD8 causes massive problems in our home when she is here if DH is not home. I've come to the conclusion and DH agrees that SD doesn't need to come over when DH isn't here to care for her. Obviously it's an issue for SD (as well as me, I don't take kindly to being treated like crap by a kid just because she has issues over her Dad and BM splitting - wasn't my fault and I'm not taking the heat for it any longer!) and so to please everyone DH has talked to BM about modifying the visitation schedule on an as needed basis. Anyhow, she initially agreed to it but is now claiming she's "standing up for herself" and isn't willing to make any special arrangements or amendments to the standard visitation agreement. My question is does anyone else have any experience (positive or negative) with attempting to modify visitation so that it suits the NCP's schedule and accommodates everyone?

Just for clarification, the "special arrangement" DH is requesting is something as simple as pick her up on a Friday and return her Saturday (he works on Sunday at the moment). He is simply asking for some flexibility on BM's part and she's suddenly unwilling to cooperate (not surprised!).

kalmolil's picture

Her exact words were "I'm not going to make any special arrangements unless there is something in it for me." This something that she is asking for is for DH to give up an entire WEEK of his summer possession so that SD can go on BM's vacation they plan annually (during DH's time of possession) to the beach. DH isn't willing to sacrifice time with his kid to make BM happy, and in return she's retaliating. She claims it's "unfair" to her for him not to stick with the court ordered schedule and I can (on some remote level) see her position, however, there isn't a better solution at the moment other than now DH has asked for his parents to come and pick SD up and return her the following day to BM at the designated court appointed time. All a bunch of hoopla for BM who is an unreasonable twat.

Jsmom's picture

We used to have ROFR (right of first refusal) basically if DH wasn't here he had to give SS and SD to BM. If he is not there, you do not have to have her. That is up to you.

But, I would check the CO and see if ROFR is in there. Maybe what you need. Also, if all she is asking for is a week in the summer, I say let her have it. Especially if he is working during that time...

Whtedymnd's picture

I am sure some of the SP will not agree with me - But I can't blame the BM ~ You two don't want to change your time with your DSD, why should she? The key to having successful custody is to be flexible. Is there really any harm in coordinating schedules and being flexible so both BP get successful time with their daughter? It sure would make it easier for the child to know she isn't a pawn and both parents are flexible in making sure she feels and participates in the involvement of both parents.