50/50 in different cities?!!
Hello everybody! It has been a HELL of a ride...My BF and I have been together for 3 years and living together for one. He has a 7yoD. We have her 50/50 every other week. Her mother for got a new job in a city 4 hrs away from us. My BF wants to follow her daughter, I don’t want to move. My life/job/friends and family are here. We want to make it work setting something that can work for everyone. He is willing to go back and forth. His work is here, a very good one where he can work remotely for a few days but not every day of the month. I'm in need for advice on the following pleaseee!
1. Can there be a 50/50 arrangement where he will have her 10 or 11 days a month (Mon-Wed since he wants to be with her during week days for possible future school activities/events) and make up the rest on summer so he can go be with her for that time and then stay here for the rest of the month so he doesn’t have to quit his job?
Can she refuse to do this and force him to move to keep the week on/off schedule?
2. She makes more money than him, will he have to worry about paying child support for this kind of arrangement?
3. He has the right to get full custody but we know is not in the best interest of daughter since she needs her mom also, is there any other arrangement you see that I’m not?
I’ll truly appreciate any input on the above! It has been a difficult process to deal with! Thanks again!
If they have 50/50 custody -
If they have 50/50 custody - I'm surprised she was allowed to just pack up and move that far away.
Because he (BF) allowed it.
Because he (BF) allowed it. He knows daughter needs her mom whom she was willing to leave her full custody with us to follow her very well paid job. (Yes I know just because of this fact alone ex doesn’t deserve to have her). It is complicated, she is a good mother from what I have experienced, and it would have been devastating for SD be separated form her. Unfortunately, she is greedy and money will always be more important. BF only wants to keep daughter’s well being in mind to avoid her get traumatized by her mom leaving her.
Instead he traumatized her by
Instead he traumatized her by giving her up to a BM who doesn’t prioritize the kid over money? Bad call.
Instead he traumatized his
dupe
Instead he traumatized his
dupe
I think 50/50 in different
I think 50/50 in different cities could work for your boyfriend if he has the financial resources to maintain two homes and the work flexibility to spend 10-11 days a month in the city where his daughter is located. Obviously his ex knew, when she chose to chase the high paying job, that he'd go along with what she wanted and move to maintain his relationship with the daughter. She knew he wouldn't go for full custody. And if he's willing to up-end his life to do what he thinks is best for his daughter, more power to him.
However, I don't think that arrangement works for YOU and your relationship. Even if it works at this moment, if you were to marry and have children, I don't think it would work at all unless you made the sacrifice to move to where his daughter is located, something it sounds like you do not want to do and would not be in your best interest. He's made his choice, and it's his daughter and his ex-wife. If you're not willing to make the move with him (and I don't blame you a bit for not doing so), I just don't see the relationship working out in the long term. Personally, I'd cut my losses and get out now.
I have a long distance 50/50 plan.
Although mine isn't quite 4 hours apart, its 2. We have 3 weekends per month from friday night until Monday morning plus the whole summer. It can work. SD is exchanged midway between the two addresses every Friday after school. SD is exchanged again midway between the two addresses every sunday night. Spring break is dads, Christmas break is dads, the whole summer is dads. Of course one parent needs to agree to give up most non-school days in your case.
This may not be what you want
This may not be what you want to hear, but this sounds like a VERY bad precedent to set. What if BM is offered an even better job across the country, will BF follow her there too?
You say BM is a good mother and it would be devastating for SD to be away from her, but she is 50/50 now and spends just as much time with her father as with her mother. Isn't BF a really good dad? Won't it be devastating to be away from him? One way or another, this little girl's life is going to be completely changed so why not at least advocate for her to stay in an environment that she is already used to, in a school she knows with the same friends she has always had. BF doesn't want to miss out on school things, so why can't she live with you both and BM can have her on weekends, school breaks, etc?
I can understand you might not want to have her full-time (DH and I are looking into SS coming to live with us and I am honestly FREAKING OUT), but you have to decide whether it is more important to you to stay where you are and have her full-time, or move so that you only see her 50/50.
No, BM can’t force your BF
No, BM can’t force your BF to move. What I don’t understand is why your BF didn’t kick BM’s ass in court to prevent her from running off with his daughter and Isn’t kicking BM’s ass in court now that she has run off with his daughter to drag her back kicking and screaming with his daughter in tow.
Unfortunately
This comes down to, who more important. BD and EX or you. He does not want to make waves for his EX, allowing her to move. But wants to turn your life around, to be by his DD. I think your marriage has a major problem. Being a Disney Dad is more important to him then you. I would not move, I would not pay for any of this , Him getting a apartment, the exter money plus CS. How is he going to work being fours away half a month.? him much is this going to cost ? Apartment, electric heat? How can you stay married when your SO is going to be away for half a month for the next 11 years ? What happens if EX moves again ? Your are in trouble