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y wont bm leave us alone

needing help's picture

Me and dh got 2gether almost 4 years ago. I knew he had kids and I had 2 of my own! In this time she calls him just to talk she even calls to make sure we are ok as a couple! When we had to go to a meeting with the kids even though I was there along with her boyfriend (who she was living with) she still has the nerve to ask dh if it was really over!! She has packed her bra and panties in the suitcase, her wedding pics, and pics of one of her boyfriends male parts inside dh bible that he had left there. The bad thing is it is not just her it is her parents also they call just to tell dh what to do and to call her because she is upset! None of this has anything to do with the 3 kids they have together. I know she puts things inside the kids head along with her mother. I have had the 5 ear old try to steal my wedding rings and tell me bm rings were bigger and I I go away dh will go to bm and the oldest 2 (9 and Dirol we overheard b myself and dh that if they want me to leave they have to be meaner. I know these kids are not coming up with all of this on their own!

The oldest sd9 has a cell phone so when I do not do what she wants when she wants it she calls bm and me or dh has to hear it. For ex we had all 5 kids out and just picked up the food to take home for dinner ( a whole 15 min away) well sd9 doesn't want to wait well really none of the kids did but she texts bm and then bm calls dh and tells him to just give her some food now just let her have it so she won't be hungry! I could not believe that she was actually calling us telling us what to do. We have had the same prob with the child about bedtime and all food but my rule is the same with my 2 or all 5 I cook what I cook you don't eat you go hungry. Of course I got calls about how I should just fix them what they want and if they don't want to eat at dinner time I should just let them eat when they are ready! I am sorry but I often wonder who is the parent in her house!

I have completely had it with this woman and the way the skids act. I have been hit by 2 of them and they destroy all of my kids things. My life should not have to revolve on this woman! We have had date nights that I have just said forget it and left in the middle of dinner cause she blows up our phones if something is upsetting her not even about the kids just if she is having a bad day!! Dh has pushed her off some but when he tries to she won't let him talk to the kids only to her after they are in bed and she can tell them how the kids are doing! Bm lives in a diff state and sahe has this much control this is crazy! I need help with this I am fed up with her and the kids. They lie on me constantly to dh about me and other guys and I am just at my breaking point and dh is too he has even thought about signing over parental rights cause he just can't take anymore what should we do?

simifan's picture

Take the kids phone the moment she walks through the door. Here's a freeing thought - you can hang up the phone. You or DH do not need to listen to that nonsense & You can even turn it off !!! Take back your control.

needing help's picture

Thank you that's what we are gonna have to do is take her phone but I can't turn mine off it is our company phone ( we own our own business) if we were to do that we could in turn lose money so that's a not an option!

oneoffour's picture

100% correct and I am surprised you haven't done this already.
Cellphones have an on/off button. Unless you are waiting for a kidney you don't need to have the phone on while you are out. Also put the house phone (if you have one) on an answerphone. She can leave a message.

If Miss9 calls her mother to complain ignore her. Turn music up and dance. Let her bleat to her mother about the way you are. The next time she is undeniably snotty just say "One would think you were being mean to get rid of me. If you think getting rid of me will get your parents back together you have forgotten about moms bf. I wonder if he knows your plan? Maybe I will give him a call..."

I am amazed how people let cell phones run and ruin their lives. People, it is a tool.

lmac's picture

Well, if you have caller id, that shouldn't be a huge problem. Just don't answer for her.

Even if you do accidentally answer, then you can just say "Mmhmm ok, alright, buhbye."

HadEnoughx5's picture

I went through the same thing with my SD12. She would text and call BM and the same in reverse. SD worked very hard (per BM's request) to destroy our family structure and our relationship. Finally, my husband told SD to not come over anymore until she was able to follow the rules of the house and be respectful. She hasn't been back since June...and it's been peaceful.

I agree to take away the cell when SD comes over. Shut it off and put ir away where she can't find it. I would also control the internet too. BM will work on her that way too. As far as your phones, let all her calls go to voice mail. Be prepared that BM will come back with revenge because you're setting the boundary, but she'll eventually get tired. But it will take a long time for it to happen. You'll get called every name in the book because it your "fault"....it's alway's the SM fault! Hang in there!!

needing help's picture

Thank u so much I am glad I am not alone and as far as the cell goes again it is our business phone so turning it off is not an option! Yea it is a tool one which we make our money from! You would be surprised ho many calls we get all hours of the day and night about leaky roofs and water lines busting so again I can't just turn off the way we make our money to stop her from calling! We do not answer the phone and screen our calls with vmail and text. I have her number blocked so I can turn her out when I need to but that doesn't stop her from using other peoples phones to call us!

However I do like the dancing suggestion I will most deff try that. But the boyfriend is gone now (found out in text mess) so the other idea won't work. As far as this goes I am so tired of it all things are going to change somehow that's for sure. I am going to have a long talk with dh then with the bm.