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Why does there seem to be more GUHCBMs than GPHCBDs?

Rags's picture

One of those things that make me go Hmmmmm?

GoldenUterusHighConflictBioMoms seem to be far more prevalent than GoldenPenisHighConflictBioDads.

I get that on STalk the number of SMs far exceeds the number of SFs and that not all SMs are also BMs. That may explain it within our community.

However, there does not seem to be anywhere nearl the number of GPHCBDs as there are GUHCBMs in the broader online world either.

Not nearly a scientific highly analysed study or anthing. It just seems that BioDads don't tend to have nearly the need to interfere in the lives of their X or pollute the SKids relationhip with the BM and the BM's new partner.




AgedOut's picture

my exhusband had a pattern. He always let someone else tell him what to do so if there were hiccups he could point his finger of blame.


But to answer your ? I think those with the golden man marbles and wonder wands tend to just disappear completely while those with the golden clams seem to stick around and make life hell. 

paul_in_utah's picture

My ex-wife had a high conflict Golden Dick.  Had to spank that Golden Dick in court to get him to calm down.  

Rags's picture

The Spermidiot was just an idiot.   His mommy led him around by the short and curlies and his wonder wand because he not only has no balls, he has no brains.

I applaud you keeping your XW's golden wanker buddy pummelled into submission in court.

Harry's picture

Suffer for what he did.  Just because she has an affair, the sex didn't mean anything and still liked BF.. That was no reason to divorce. So now we do everything in our power to screw with BF.  We are upset that he found a new woman .so we screw with her too.  

Rags's picture

Interestingly, in the animal kingdom it is the males that mark their territory and defend it.  In the human world it seems that XH/BioDads can move on more cleanly than XW/BMs.  XW/BMs seem to take the position that their X is still theirs to control and keep peeing on that fence post and trying to run offany  new mate their XH may be interested in. 

Sadly, XH/BIoDads tend to tolerate it.  And so does their new mate. 

For some odd reason.


ESMOD's picture

1.  Women are defined by their looks, their offspring  Men are defined by what they do for a living, their earing power, their athletic prowess.  

 ergo women's identity and purpose in life is being usurped when another woman tries to take over their offspring, their former mate even.

2.  Men are still in many relationships still the breadwinners and the courts still heavily favor women in custody cases and relegate father to a monetary contributor.  

ergo.. if man tries to take custody from woman.. they are putting the financial contribution being made at risk.. if the courts decide dad is just as capable of caring.. they might loose their support payments.

3.  Biologically, women bear, give birth and nurture their offspring especially in the earliest years of life when an infant's nutritional needs may be met by mom.. when mom is given maternity leave (or simply has to take it to recover)..

4.  In divorce, there is a 50% chance that at least one of the partners is to blame... and probably means that there are some women that are just controlling people by nature.. so it follows along that there will be some controlling women.. who are given control by the courts etc...

5.  A lot of men are not natural nurturing and involved in their children's raising.. they leave that to their wives.. when they get divorced.. they probably initially aren't dealing with a HCUBM.. because they are going with the flow.. pay her CS and see kids to disney dad a couple times a month.  

This last issue isn't a problem until the guy meets some new woman who may A.  decide that her SO should be more of a parent with her as the shining SM on his arm to help him parent. and take pictures of her "bonus babies" to post on social media.. signs up for class "mom".. etc..  B.  Takes a look and tells him that letting his EX call all the shots and being a lazy parent is not going to work for her.. so he starts pushing back against his ex.. when he never did before.. causing a huge conflict.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

B for me. Couldn't stand the chaos of BM2 showing up to pick up or drop off the kids at any hour of the day, any day, no questions asked. The minimum 5 phone calls per day between the exes just to figure out who sleeps where that night. BM allowed to show up and start cooking in SO's kitchen no questions asked. But because everyone else was happy until i came along, *I* was the problem. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Also, to be fair to the bonus mom/class mom type of SMs, they are usually doing these things because their partner expects and encourages them to. I think most women get involved with guys for a relationship, not to take over some other woman's kids. These guys are setting the expectation that this is what it takes to be with them. 

I realize now that i completely overfunctioned in the beginning for SO. He just always seemed to need so much help. He was so happy when i would do all the transport, homework help, cooking, and even keep one of the SSs overnight at my house for days or weeks at a time. I even kept SO's nieces and nephews. It all came back to bite me. All of it. 

ESMOD's picture

I do agree.. but I also think SM's get a very conflicted message from society..telling them they should love their skids as their own..  and BM telling them.. "they are not your children".. and a "lazy or incompetent dad" saying.. I need you to do womins work.. ie childcare.  And some women do overstep... and wonder why BM is mad.. when it's not difficult to put yourself in a mother's shoes and feel threatened by a woman appearing to take ownership and control of your child.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

And the whole time the stepmom is "appearing to take ownership of the child", the stepmom is often exhausted, resentful, and asking "Why the hell am i the one doing all these things?" When she tries to step back, her own SO as well as society in general are calling her selfish for wanting the relationship without the "package deal." In a lot of situations, the stepmom truly can't win. I think some divorce situations are just so messed up that it's not a livable environment. 

Rags's picture

It is interesting that the change is externally induced often by a new partner when nothing at the core of the situation has changed.  Apparently, SM/New Mates bring some testicular fortitude to the mix that the XH either forgot they had or never had which dilutes the XW/BMs control over her XH's gonads.


Scratch one-s head

PetSpoiler's picture

A lot of men tend to try to keep the peace and feel that letting the ex have their way is the best way to do that.  If the man gets a new SO, they still try to keep the peace the same way. Then doesn't understand why the new SO doesn't like how things are. The new SO feels that she should be put first in the relationship, and rightly so. She feels as if the man is putting his ex first.  In actuality, he is putting himself first.  He is far more afraid of upsetting the ex than he is the new woman. The new woman needs to either accept the way things are, leave, or make it to where he's more afraid to anger HER.  In my case, BM backed off entirely on her own.  It was around the time that she moved out of the state.  She backed off even more when I got pregnant.  We were meeting halfway but after I got pregnant she was either coming to get SS or he took a bus or was driving himself.  So it was a combo of moving away, my pregnancy, and SS getting older.  

 I had to make my husband more uncomfortable with angering me when it came to the in-laws, mainly his mother.  I also had to use logic and point out how the in-laws were being rude with their behavior. He tried to say he didn't want to be rude to them but I had to point out that THEY were being rude.  He just needed to let them know that their behavior bothered HIM, not just me.  And it did bother him. 

Keeping the peace may work for a while, but it starts a war within yourself and can cause resentment from others who are negatively impacted by your keeping the peace.  I've lived it.  I let my resentment fester, and then it exploded like a volcano that hadn't erupted in centuries.  It wasn't pretty.  He doesn't try to "keep the peace " anymore.  

Rags's picture

Placating a characterless bully solves nothing.  When the bully over steps and the former victim goes for full destruction of the bully, the bully whines, cries, and plays victim. Often both sides of the tensions sees the  view from the 180* opposite perspective. Each sees the other as the bully, themselves as the victim, and thinks that they own righteousness in the conflict.

Toxic HCGUBMs don't like it when their X finds their testicular fortitude and has the support of a quality partner.  I have always found it odd that BioDad's seem to not get quite as spun up over it all.

In our case, the Spermidiot was just about non existant.  The core struggle was between my DW (the BM though never the XW) and the HCGUBGM (SpermGrandHag) hell bent on control and defending the "sacred" honor of her POS spawn.  Though even she finally came to the realization that her side was morally and characterly bankrupt and without honor.

Great points PS.

Catmom024's picture

Also another  interesting point...I know I never go around saying "He's the FATHER of my CHILDREN!!!" about my ex the way some of these bio fathers go around crying and defending bad behavior from their ex wife because "She's the MOTHER of my CHILDREN!!!".

Rags's picture

And for your own children.

The XHs that drink the GUBM/BPBD Kool-Aid and worship the basic spawning ability of their toxic X are mind boggling to me.  Basic biological function as some kind of justification for a crowning diefication has always been mind boggling to me.  While I certainly recognize and appreciate what women go through to carry and deliver children, what I value is the quality of the parent/person and not the basic bioligical processes.

Yep, an XW/BM or XH/BioDad may be the "mother/father of  (my) children".  But, what they do bioligically is notihng unique or particularly more or less notable than what any other BM/BioDad does.  What those mothers and fathers do once the biological steps are done is what is important and determines if that mother or father are anything special.  Or determines if their biological products are special. Special is earned with performance, not from mere bioligical functionalily or mere existance.

Probably not a popular position, but I do not believe that humans universally have value due to their being human. The value of a person is earned with performance and behaviors worthy of being valued.  Unfortunately there is no litmus test that shows if a person is of value, or not.  It is one of those you know when you see it things and that... is each person's choice.

My position no doubt is in large part influenced by the fact that I have no BKs.  Maybe if I did, I would find these bioligical processes to be more special and worthy of hiding shitty people from being viewed with clarity by the the broader world.



shamds's picture

Emotional beings so flare up way more than men. Men aren't as emotional so tend to think things a bit more rationally and analytically. They wanna avoid drama most of the time so if there is an argument or disagreement they will usually apologise and expect you move on from that only for the woman to not be satisfied with that answer and respond like a sooky big baby that they were angry because of abc xyz only for the man to think i just apologised and said I won't do it again, is that not enough??

tell that to women when there are issues and problems where they have caused or mainly contributed to it only for them to justify, excuse it and make every excuse under the sun why they did what they did and its always a mans fault for everything which in reality its not always the mans fault.

my mother and husband are asian, the asian men get a headache from 1 asian woman running her mouth, imagine now 2 or more of them yapping off and they just wanna get away from it.

women often are obsessed with controlling others. If they aren't happy then everyone else needs to be unhappy. Men however want to often just live simple lives free of stress and dysfunction

another thing also is that if a man were in control of his life and his household, the wife often wouldn't need to step up. She'd feel confident enough for him to take the reigns steering the ship and she have the autonomy to dictate the running of the household because he trusts her to do that. If a man isn't manning up and in control, you now have a woman competing for alpha male status competing for attention and because she is so used to this, she can't snap out of it. 

Rags's picture

My first marriage situation was a very woman dominant situation. Not that I was subserviant. My XMIL was the typa A dominant mate in the marriage between she and my XFIL.

Her daughter tried the same crap. I was raised by confident equity life partner parents. So XW trying to dictate to me as she saw her mother dictate to her father her whole life did not synch well for either of us.  Part of why from Wedding to Divorce Hearing was 2yrs 6mos and 2.5wks.  That and her career as a serially adulterous skank whore.

Also part of the reason why my DW of 29+ years and I never lived nearer than 1200miles from each of our families for the first 6-ish years of our marriage.  Bonding, figuring it out together, and knowing where each of our own family had to fit within the context of our marriage.

Thank you for sharing. I learned something.

shamds's picture

Remember only 2 people set the rules in their home  (husband and wife), not the inlaws or kids etc.

the proper hierarchy isn't in place. My husband is a snr upper manager nationally for his financial institution and one thing these men all have in common is a strong independent wife. Some are stay at home, some have careers but the wives handle majority of household affairs, from groceries, routine, child upbringing and the dad is happy earning his salary and paying bills and following through with the upbringing rules and routine the wife has set for their kids.

anybody outside that 2 person circle who has an opinion doesn't matter or count, it goes in one ear and out the other.

the marriages that have the issues i find the man is weak, a manbaby not responsible or equipped to be leader of his household and steer the ship the right course so the dominant wife decides she'll caol the shots, it that isn't enough she'll try dictating matters pertaining to inlaws that she has no business getting involved in because she thrives on that control.

If the man had it together, wife would be comfortable in her place working with the guidance of her man because she trusts him fully

i remember someone saying if women were left to rule the world, it would be utter chaos dealing with all those hormones and emotions. I mean take for example kardashian family (majority women always fighting arguing), then even other reality shows like selling sunset, women always fighting and the men are real chill and confused why these women keep rehashing old shit that should have been addressed before, that they apologised for only for someone's feefees to believe it wasn't sorted yet so they had to bring the same issues over and over again.

if hormonal hot tempered emotional women were left to rule a remote island or the world, we're fu*ked because often we just can't rationalise and calm down those emotions. The man can't handle her emotions and lets her run wild with it and the woman ultimately loses respect for her man because he is no man in his behaviour 

a real man when his woman is venting, he knows she is emotional but he knows how to handle it and steer her back to her comfort spot

Venti's picture

For the same reason stepmothers are evil but stepfathers okay.

My exH is horrific - argues about everything, thinks he is ALWAYS right, refuses to do anymore than the bear minimum - but I can guarantee that he and his affair partner label me as the problem. I insist on all communication being in writing so I have the evidence  when he backtracks but he still tries!

Rags's picture

It has to be hard to deal with the GPHCBD and his cheat partner while they no doubt label you as the GUHCBM when you are countering his GPHCBD antics.

I had not thought of the scenario that you are dealing with and that a countering a HC X could look like being a HC Golden Parent BM or BioDad.