When I was a young man and would have my periodic brain fart events my dad would ask me what the common denominator in my problems was.  Obvioiusly it was me.

After a dozen years+ in this community and more than 27 years in a blended family relationship what has repeatedly entered my mind when reading the mariad of posts by SParents one thing leaps out.  The common denominator in nearly every traumatic blended family marriage or adult relationship.  

It is the parents who bring ill behaved kids to their next adult relationship. 

What is it about  so many of these people that makes them purveyors of relationship misery?

Are they crappy people?  Some are.  

Are they crappy parents?  Many seem to be.

Are they failed adults?  Many seem to be.

Are they failed men and women?  Their performance would indicate that many are.

Are they incapable of having quality adult relationships and of being a qualoity partner?   Certainly that seems to be the case far too frequently.

What is it about so many SParents that draws them to  truly crappy relationships and to connecting with these charity case flawed individuals?  Why are so many blind to what is blatantly obvious to many others?

Why are so many who are in relationships with tragically failed people blind to reality and see their failed partners as wonderful people.... except for.....? 

When I read the repeated testimonies of so many who are with people who are completely crappy partners who comment that these shitty people are the love of their lives or the most wonderful person they have every known what comes to mind is "And other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"

Apparently many people missed the day in 5th grade math where they went over the concept of the common denominator.  Apparently far too many people had parents that failed miserably in teaching them to value themselves.

This is all why I am focused on the concept of keep it simple. If a kid perpetrates crappy behavior, confront the behavior.  If a spouse is a trainwreck, call them on it, point them toward a resolution, and let them know that they fix it or they fail as a partner.

So, what is .... common denominator each of us deals with?