Since my now husband and I got together, I always knew that there was more going on with BM than just your typical, bitter ex-wife. I just didn't have a name for it, I could only describe her crazy, irrational behaviour. Now, a psychologist who has had a counselling session with my 2 step-kids (aged 15 and nearly 17) has finally verified it.

The Background
About 3 months ago, my stepson started saying things like: 'he didn't want to be at his mum's house and if it was ok if he moved in with us full time as he 'just couldn't stand it anymore'. We were very worried and were keeping an eye on things carefully. We told him that we would happily have him and/or his sister with us full time if that is what they wanted.

Then, a month ago, we got a panicked and distressed phone call from the children who said that BM had them both cornered in their bedroom for 4 hours straight, demanding and screaming for answers about random questions to do with DH and I. BM had finally lost the plot. BM then jumped in her car and drove off like a lunatic, leaving the children genuinely worried for her safety and mental health as they didn't know where she went or what she was going to do to herself. The children then turned up on our doorstep with a packed bag each and said they had run away from home.

All hell broke loose then with BM threatening the children, screaming down the phone, 'how could they do this to her??!!!!?' and that they 'had better come home ASAP as if they were living with us 'there would be no child support from their father to her, so there would be no money for them to have the latest gadgets/clothes etc'. We were absolutely disgusted by this.

DH called BM on the phone and said that she should make peace with the children and she said 'she was done with them' and 'would be going away for the forseeable future'. DH said that this just wasn't good enough as the children needed to know where they were living and have some stability in their lives. So, for the next 5 weeks they lived with us in limbo not knowing which way was up or down. We then arranged a session for both children with a respected and renowned psychologist.

The Confirmation BM is nuts
After the session, the psychologist called DH into the room alone and the children waited in the car. She told DH the following:
** That BM was a dangerous influence on the children
** That DH should protect the children from BM by whatever means necessary
** That she had turned SD15 into her 'creature and informant' in our house
** That SD15 associated her mother's love with providing information about DH and I and saying bad things about us to make BM happy with her
** That BM had told outright lies about DH to the children to get them to despise him
** That BM had a raging, untreated mental disorder and whilst she probably loved the children, she ultimately used them as weapons against DH
** That the children should live with us permanently and only see BM a few days per month
** That the children were very angry as 'the penny had dropped' and they had realised that BM had implanted false memories and lied to them so that they would hate their father and act as her 'footsoldiers'.

The very interesting thing about all this is that despite BM's best efforts to get the children to hate their father, they now hate her as they have realised what she has done to them.

Be warned PASers. My step-kids are smart and have worked it all out by themselves that BM really is a nasty piece of work who has caused them untold damage and tried to break their relationship with their dad.

I just don't understand how someone can hate their ex-husband more than they love their own children.