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OFF TOPIC: Question for BioMoms

OptimisticMe's picture

Do 5 year old girls go through a "mommy phase" where they only want their mom? My daughter has been wanting me to do everything with/for her. She wants me to tuck her in, me to take her to preschool and pick her up, etc. She often gets upset if I ask my husband to help her instead. She is really girly and wants to be like me, so I hope that is part of it.

I am trying to encourage my daughter (also DH's bio) and my DH to spend more quality time together. He is often impatient and doesn't understand her emotional side...he gets upset when he lightly scolds her and she cries...thinking she is doing it on purpose when in reality she is just sensitive and he hurt her feelings (I was that way as well). I don't know how to get my husband to understand her and to be the father she needs right now Sad I bought a book about raising daughters that was great and suggested he read it...he hasn't.

Anyone else have this problem where Daddy doesn't relate well to his young daughter?

PeanutandSons's picture

I don't have a daughter, so I can't speak to that aspect of your question. But I do think its normal for young kids to go through phases where they are more attached to one parent over the other.

I think the key is not to let it go so far that the kid doesn't ever come back to center. I would suggest setting up a "schedule of sorts so that dad isn't cut out of the mix entirely, because if he is then it will be really hard to integrate him back in. Make an point for him to read her bedtime story atleast twice a night and tuck her in. Make sure they have a few periods of one on one time every week.... Even if its just for half an hour while you run to the store or fold the laundry. Is there an activity that they can do together just the two of them?

YellowBelly's picture

I have 4 bio kids and all of them want me to do everything over anyone! That is just the way it is I suppose Smile

Step-Volgirl's picture

As the evil step mom ;), I frequently see my SD using tears to get her way. Rather than just dismissing your husband's thoughts of "thinking she is doing it on purpose", why not let them battle it out a time or two? My SD is in tears any time she's sleepy, hungry, angry, hurt, irritated, or just plain old not getting her way. I struggle with teaching her that she has other ways of expressing herself - yelling, coloring, journaling, etc. 5 is a little young, but at some point she's going to have to deal with a scolding without dissolving into tears!

By stepping back, you'll be teaching your DH to be more gentle with his daughter and you'll be teacher her that you have confidence in your DH's parenting skills. In the long run, a strong relationship between a father and daughter is invaluable.

SMof2Girls's picture

Oh goodness .. if DH backed down every time one of his daughters went into tears, we'd have two very out of control blondies running around Biggrin

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

It is just a mom/child thing. My son is 11 and he still prefers me over my husband. He is just a "mama's boy" I guess, but he is not clingy.

When my son went to kinder he used to cry at night because he was sad he wasn't going to get to see me during the day. Sometimes kids just want their Moms.

Floridamom's picture

Put a camera in the house and see what may be going on without you there. Screaming, etc. Maybe nothing.

MdMom's picture

This is how my oldest Bio is, but she's only 18 mo. If FH trys to do anything with her (and I mean ANYTHING) she flips! Screams for me and kicks her feet. The only thing she'll let FH do with her is give her one kiss when he gets home from work, one when she goes to bed, and pray with her and SD after bedtime story.

She has always been like that, even when she was a baby. He could hold her for max 5 mins before she started crying until I could hold her.

We're just waiting for the daddy's girl phase... I hope it comes soon. Lol