Terrified... how to handle???
So we are getting married and SD13 (by then) is coming...
I'm terrified as it is out of the country, hours away from ultra-codependent BM.
It is a done deal... Ticket purchased, lawyer's note notarized etc.. We have been on eggshells all year in order to not piss of BM, lest she not let the kid come. I suggested a while back that she not come, because I think it will be a disaster. ( her BM calls every few hours when she is with us, and SD12 is in constant contact with her)
Future DH wants her there, for him, I kept my mouth shut.
I'm not looking for ways to keep her away- I'm hoping you guys can help me with some coping mechanisms for her attention seeking and possessive behavior regarding "dadddddddyyyyyy'.
She will be rooming with my in-laws- NOT US!
I'm really worried for my wedding week.... I don't want to resent her for ruining it, and I also feel like I'm expecting the worst?? I feel horrible.. But I also would have felt horrible for my fDH if his kid couldn't be there... AAARGHHHH...
Don't answer phones!Have MIL
Don't answer phones!Have MIL and FIL call BM when YOU or THEY feel like it. And then turn phones off,don't let SD have a phone and let MIL and FIL handle all drama....this is you and DH's day!
yes perfect take the phone
yes perfect take the phone away from skid during wedding day. no reason for her to have it that day any way and turn your phone and DH phone off since all the people you love will be there already who is really going to need to contact you anyway.....
All this worrying is stealing
All this worrying is stealing your happiness at getting married. Don't let it.
Whatever happens, happens.
Agree completely. I'm getting
}:) Agree completely. I'm getting married next month. SKids are coming. I told FDH I want nothing to do with them while they're down there, that I will not be there to manage their happiness. They're staying with their grandparents the whole time
I know when I married I had a
I know when I married I had a list of concerns regarding my skid/BM and DH's psycho family members and it was REALLY upsetting and stressing me out. The only way to overcome this is 1) talk to DH and ensure he is committed to spending time with YOU, meaning he does NOT speak to BM, pay attention to tantrums sd/BM have while sd is with you (think of things you suspect may happen and find ways to manage them WITH DH) 2) Make sure your DH speaks to PIL about any issues which they may end up having to deal with e.g. BM ringing constantly...ensure they dont bother mentioning it to you during the holiday (I wouldnt want to hear about my new husbands ex while I was getting married and on honeymoon. I would ensure DH KNEW this and how serious I was about this).
Do you have any other relatives attending? I would recruit as many people as possible to help assist with any possible issues that come up so you and DH arent bothered by them.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the insight...
I think one of my main concerns is that because SD12 is so dependent, coddled and immature and her dad thinks the homesickness will be normal, that he will cater to her when we are there and I'll get angry.
I also imagine BM demanding to talk to him at some point as she has demanded a few ridiculous things of what SD12 is NOT ALLOWED to do. Whatever... Our time, our rules.
When SD talks to BM I'm sure she will be excited about something or other, and tell BM what she has been up to, and then it'll be WW3 because she will be having a good time and BM WILL figure out a way to F#$k it up. (BM makes SD12 responsible for BM's mood and feelings... its sick. The child feels guilty bc BM will go on and on about how she misses her... This happens on our EOW...)
I would love to say- "hell with it! Let PIL take care of the drama." The problem is that everyone is too afraid to say anything to BM- she PAS's also. MIL or FIL will search out my DH to manage her. I would put the bitch in her place, but it would cause too much stress for DH's family.
I know I'm creating a self fulfilling prophecy...lol... I just know how she operates... I wish I could let it go...
I agree with this. The only
I agree with this. The only thing I would say is let your SD call BM to let her know she arrived safely and THAT IS IT. If you allow BM and SD to control your wedding, you are setting a bad tone for the rest of your marriage.
I hope that SD's grandparents keep her entertained, because she is going to want all of her dad's attention, and she may see the wedding as a time for her to REALLY start acting out.
I was married 3 weeks ago, and my DH's young adults did not come, because I know they would have ruined our day. DH knew it, too. Once his daughter found out, she became enraged. DH is ignoring her, but her reactions now only make me more happy we did not have her or her sibs there.
We had a convo about this and
We had a convo about this and he completely agreed with me about all of it.
He was a touch defensive, but I let it go. He wasn't defensive about talking to BM, it was more like, 'no kidding, OCS- I have no intention of talking to Snaggletooth. If she wants a meltdown, too damn bad.' Maybe I need to give him more credit.....