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Step Child Avoids Visitation To Avoid Discipline

Sm2023's picture

Long story short, step daughter pulled some b/s the last time she was at our house that warranted consequences. She was told she'd lose her screen time privileges for a week the next time she came here, so now she's avoided coming here the last 2 times she should have clearly to avoid consequences. My husband being the passive person he is just lets her manipulate the situation & doesn't make her come even though by court order it's his days for her to be here. Any other time if she'd try & pull this not coming here crap he'd be all over making sure she was here & not letting her make the decision not to be. My opinion is why should she get to control the situation & call the shots all in an attempt to avoid consequences, and why should he let her. Drives me nuts! 

Rags's picture

Why? ..... A lack of daddy testicular fortitude.

That seems pretty clear.

I advise that any time SD fails to visit, daddy smacks mommy with a contempt motion and drags her ass to court for violating the CO.  See how SD likes seeing mommy all spun up.

ESMOD's picture

To  be effective consequences need to be prompt and proximate to the offense.. a punishment meted out weeks later has less impact and starts to just feel "unfair".. 

Your SO should also be demanding his visitation be followed.. unless the girl is a much older teen.. she should have little to no say.

Harry's picture

No SD for two weeks.   You are not going to win this.  DH needs to see someone to help him with this.  And outsider,  someone who doesn't hate his kid. lol.  

Rags's picture

IMHO the message in these situations should be... "I do not hate your kid. Hate the behavior your kid displays and I do not respect how you deal with it."

Sm2023's picture

Agree, and that is always my message, because I truly don't dislike her, I dislike her behavior & don't appreciate the way he deals with it, or doesn't deal with it most times, and that's always my message to him. I don't dislike her, I dislike her behavior & his lack of parenting in my opinion & living among it. It wouldn't matter if it were him or a roommate I lived with who had a kid that acted the same way, my feelings would be the same. 

Cover1W's picture


I explained this to my DH many times. Until the OSD got personal as she got older and was downright mean. THEN I meant I didn't like her. I look at how people treat others, if they don't treat people well, with kindness, generosity and empathy then forget them.

CLove's picture

Its Driving you nuts? Drive the disengagement car.

If you try to tell your husband that he needs to step up his parenting ... "you just hate my kid". If you insist that she complete her visitation time so you can have her experience repercussions "you just hate my kid".

So, for me, just not caring about anything to do with skids (skidults) always works out better for me. Zero involvement = zero conflict.

Thumper's picture

Hate to bring this  up:

IF sd keeps dipping out of visitation, you may want to consider preparing yourself for BM to hike it back into court AND, request a  modification to current child support calculations. AND  all other relief the court may consider relevant. 

So, I"d take a general look-see in your states child support calculator to run the numbers.








Rags's picture

One reason to smack BM with a contempt motion every time SD skips visitation. Minors do not get a choice and the CP has a duty to surrender the kid per the COd visitation schedule.

Contempt motion, every time. Then if BM decides to go back to court to try to get more CS, it is clear that she has denied visitation and Dad has made it crystal clear through application of the legal process that he is not okay with BM denying his time.  It also positions SD as BM's victim and dad as fighting for his already COd vistation rights.

Even if it is only about the optics, setting up for a court action makes sense.  Even if it never happens.  It also helps show SD that dad is fighting for her and his relationship with her.