Somebody help me! Maybe I just need someone to tell me...I'm not the only one...it'll all be ok...this too shall pass??? My SS age 7, is going to be my demise. BM passed away when he was 3, he had been living full-time with her and her parents. She was ill, so her parents did most of the rearing. Came to live with BF, our son and I when the dust settled. Life in our house, has been hell, ever since. Even at 3 1/2ish and well before, SS had a very abrasive personality, was moody and just one of those kids who is oddly, too smart for his age. We have tried very hard to "lighten him up", if you will, but nothing doing. As he has gotten older, he has become even more awkward and defiant. He has different faces, for the different people in his life. Very manipulative at such a young age. I do daycare in my home...I love children. BUT, my SS is the exception...I do good, just to tolerate him, which in recent days, has even become difficult. He is out of school and home all day. My daycare kids, his younger brother and I all have to spend each day with him bossing us (and I do mean US, b/c he tries very hard to boss me), breaking my daycare rules (which apply to all, no matter your age, so long as you attend my daycare), he backtalks when I try to enforce my rules (which the others are seeing/hearing and you know...monkey see, monkey do), he tells the other kids what/how/when to play and then changes the rules to favor him OR he quits...etc, etc. I know a lot of this is child-like behaviour, but I also know he is smarter than the average child. I could tell so many stories to validate my claims that he is a manipulator, purposely deceitful, hurtful and just too damn big for his own britches, but we would be here all day...me typing and you reading, so please, just take my word for it. ANYWAY...the biggest problem I have, is the way I react to him and the way he makes me feel. Today, I felt like I was going to loose my mind and things got ugly. After a full morning of the same 'ole shit and then some, I had had enough. I sent him to his room, told him I would come get him when lunch was ready (about 30 minutes) and that's when all hell broke loose. The screaming, the thrashing, the ranting, the "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, I want my DADDY! I love my daddy and my daddy would never treat me this way", and so on... I left the room, tried to ignore it, but after 15 minutes of hearing this, I came unglued. The previous 3 days, have been similar, so there's been a build-up here. I haven't spanked him in a LOOOOONG time, but I did today. We screamed at each other. Death stares shared. I grounded him to his room for the night and threatened the entire weekend, if his tuned didn't change during naptime. My heart was pounding, I was crying and I felt worse than awful. This is what he brings out in me...it is not my nature, I have never felt so much disgust for a child...and it makes me feel like an awful human being. I don't even refer to myself as a SM anymore, I don't deserve the title. I spend most days wishing his mom was still here, not only b/c he needs her, but more selfishly b/c then he wouldn't be here all the time and our home would feel happier. I know many of you will be just sickened by this post, maybe some of you can relate? I just needed a place to air it out, I guess.