SD15 has met the man of her dreams….and it’s her father (aka my DH)
SD15 stopped coming for her visitations about a month after we married. I never had any overt trouble with her (she mostly sulked in her room when she was here), so I can’t say for sure that she stopped coming because she was jealous that he married me. But that sure is what it looks like.
Apparently, according to him, she used to get up and leave whenever I entered a room. I don’t pay much attention to his kids (they are already attention whores), so I honestly didn’t notice.
That, and he told me she also complained about the smell of my hair spray in the bathroom when she used it in the morning after me, and the scented oil I use (you know, the plug-in kind-we have 5 pets, and I found they help with “doggy” odors).
Apart from those ridiculously petty (in my opinion) complaints, I have done nothing to this girl.
The other two kids (SD18 and SS13) still come at the appointed time. I get along very well with SS13, and I have a polite relationship with SD18. She is used to me, and I am used to her.
My husband slipped into a deep depression over the ensuing months after this “golden child” blew him off (she wouldn’t even return his texts for the longest time), and treated me like a turd through much of it. I stood by him because I love hime and I knew he was sick. (I am being treated for depression myself, so I know what it is like.)
He started “courting” her a couple months ago with an expensive weekly lunch and other short “just the two of us” excursions. He is a teacher and doesn’t work summers; it’s gotten so the only time he even shaves now is before their “dates.”
I accompanied the two of them to an event this week that included a lot of walking around. They behaved almost like lovers, her holding on to his arm and the two of them whispering and giggling. I walked several paces behind them, and most of the time no one noticed.
I honestly felt a little like “the other woman” somehow, as though I had no business being there. When I bought the tickets to the event, I thought it was going to be just him and me. I honestly don’t mind that he brought his kid, but I thought the behavior was bizarre.
Here's the best part: She mostly looked bored and sulky the entire time, with him offering to buy her drinks/food and checking in every few minutes with “Are you okay, honey? Do you want anything?”
Meanwhile, we haven’t been intimate in weeks. He does almost nothing to help me around the house, even though I’m working more than full time and he is home.
Is this shit normal? We have seen a marriage counselor once and have another appointment next week. I can’t help but wonder if he regrets marrying me (although I have been, truly, nothing but wonderful to him), and knows that if he can make me go away on my own volition, his princess will come home.
Anybody seen this kind of father/daughter dynamic before? What causes this shit?
This is bizarre and it would
This is bizarre and it would make me wonder who the hell I married...Gross!
This type of insanity would
This type of insanity would have me drawing up divorce papers REAL quick if I ever had to go thru this...just once would be all it would take for me! :sick:
I know you love your husband but your husband is being VERY inappropriate and disrespectful to you his WIFE. Don't stand for it ONE.MINUTE.LONGER!
Cut off his financial support a.k.a YOUR MONEY NOW! And you will have your answer!
I wish you the best *hugs*
Dear please, run - as fast as
Dear please, run - as fast as you can! This man does not care about you! You are an accessory to his life. Someone that fills up his day until date time with his daughter comes up. Please, find somebody who will love you cherish you and appreciate you and will demand that those around him respect you in turn.This is what a loving husband does- he straightens up and teaching his children respect for his wife. It is his responsibility to set the boundaries with his daughter.
I was in a similar situation. When addressed he said nothing will change and did not want to go to counseling. He saw it as me being jealous of his daughter.
If I could back I would not have wasted, emotions, stress, and energy or any of these precious for my health and sanity vital parts of life. Please, use the counseling to work on YOU and leave that dysfunction to him to deal with and resolve. It might take years till he sees it or he might never see it at all.
LOVE YOURSELF! Much love from me! I understand what you are dealing it . I have been through it for a year and a half and it is only now that I am coming out of the darkness and seeing the light. When you get out I will be hopeful for your fabulous future life.
Ugggh this is absolutely
Ugggh this is absolutely digusting. Even the idea of him calling spending time with her a "date" is gross, creepy, and inappropriate!
How disgusting. I would not
How disgusting. I would not be able to feel anything besides contempt for my DH if he would have acted like this.
Not to mention the inappropriate boundaries he is teaching his daughter with the opposite sex!
This is some sick stuff! I
This is some sick stuff! I feel so bad for you! This is not what a marriage is supposed to be! Why aren't there more men out there standing up to their kids?! When your DH took his vows, he vowed to Honor you!!! This is not fullfilling his promise! My DH told his DD's that if they had a problem with me then that was on them and they would not come between us. For the year or so SD's hated me they tried to get him to go on "dates" with them and he told them no, not unless my wife is there. They quickly learned that daddy wasn't going to fall for their manipulation and now we are one, big, happy family.
If your DH doesn't set the boundries you will end up in divorce or a horrible sham of a marriage. It isn't your fault that his DD is acting this way, it is his and hers. Hers because she is feeling like if she punishes him for marrying you then he will divorce you and she will have him all to herself again. His for allowing her to punish him. And his for punishing you.
Well said silvermomof4. Been
Well said silvermomof4. Been there done that and experienced exactly what you describe. I am not going to put myself in such mess ever again. Sad part - he continues to be and do the same. The name of the woman he is with has changed. Hope she sees who and who his family is before it is too late and she is in a sham of a marriage. I was really close to being in a sham marriage. Happy I came to my senses and run for the hills!
Almost 2 years later he did not change is parenting!
LOVE always!
Dads that treat their
Dads that treat their daughters this way are very creepy. How do you leave your wife a few steps behind just so you can hold your daughter instead? Where are the daddy/daughter boundaries? This is a toxic situation for you and needs to be addressed in your counseling sessions. If he cannot create some realistic boundaries with his relationship with his daughter, he is definitely not husband material.
I've seen it. The only reason
I've seen it. The only reason I didn't see more of it is because my SD usually demanded I not be with them on dates.
I've also seen it, though, in my own family dynamic. My parents are not divorced, by of the three siblings, my sister has always lived far away and been independent of our parents. My mother bends over backward to woo her back, always thinking if she tries harder, my sister will come back into her fold.
My girlfriend has the same dynamic with her mother -- she does everything for her mom, but her mom always caters to the ones that are just out of her reach and do nothing for her.
Still, in our cases, it's an issue with SDs. I've often felt like the other woman. For various reasons, I disengaged and now my husband sees SD alone, so I have no idea if she's still sitting on his lap with her husband watching from across the room like I used to.
You'll probably always have issues with this SD. You can raise the issues with him, but it probably won't go your way. He has an emotional tie to her that you don't -- he has you; he's still trying to win her. She is jealous of you and he feels guilty that he brought this distress on this poor, poor child by marrying you. (Rolling my eyes.) She's holding his emotions hostage because she can.
I'd be curious to know how he treats this SD when he's with all of his kids at the same time.