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Question “Negative” parent effect on child???

Marylojo45's picture

BM and her husband are the most negitive judgemental  borderline Racist people. They actively Refer to obese people as lazy. People on Government assistance as Freeloaders and all Minorities as criminals. They basically hate anyone who thinks "Different" from them. They are not shy about this to anyone and openly share these thoughts with SS13. 
 

SS13 already has "Emotional issues" and I'm just wondering if this Negativity he is exposed to at BM's is going to screw SS13 up even more. Is this something DH should bring up at SS13 therapy appointment to the therapist? BM will attack DH over this and DH does not want more drama the reason he has not said anything. Is there anything else we can do to try and lessen BM's toxic behavior? Unfortunately SS13 highly looks up to BM so not sure how SS13 feels about all this as I know he knows better.

tog redux's picture

No, DH should not bring this up. He should focus on what HE needs to change in his own parenting. 

failuretolaunch's picture

As they say. You are not born a racist, it is learned. Any exposure to constant negative behaviour is never a good thing and will always have an effect on a child. An adult can make their own decisions and argue back, dependant on the child he/she may be unduly influenced. If my mym was like this, then I would have to stop my mum from seeing my son or daughter because it is not a good thing to be around.

thinker's picture

I'll share what we've done to try to counter a family member just like yours - very negative, cynical, judgmental (racist, critical of obese people and "free riders" but ironically was more than happy to accept the Trump money and is overweight), homophobic, unwilling to accept personal responsibility for anything and insead blames "the sytem," the school, the government, the medical establishment, the corrupt police force, whatever.  We'll call this person "Wacko": We (1) model good behavior and values; (2) try not to directly attact Wacko, but often use a socratic line of questioning to help the kid understand for himself why and how Wacko's beliefs are neither supported by the weight of authority, nor a positive/healthy world view; (3) expose the kid to as many neutral, healthy role models as possible outside the family to lessen the impact of Wacko; and (4) teach empathy through books and service projects.  It is too early to tell whether it is possible to counter Wacko, but I choose to stay positive and hope for the best. 

Rags's picture

Your description of BM and her DH is exactly why I don't care a flying rats ass about anything other than the behaviors people choose to perpetrate.

I am all for profilihng... behavioral and criminal profiling.... not racial/ethnic profiling.  Criminal is not a race, ethnic origin, religion, sexual orientation, or gender. It is a behavioral choice.

When SS would spout some of the idiocy he picked up while on SpermLand visitation, his mom and I would counter it with facts and by asking SS what he saw.  He learned quickly that what he witnessed was far different from the drivel the shallow and polluted half of his gene pool spouted.

As a self supporting successful and viable adult, SS has a committed  tendency to trust but he also verifies and pays attention.  He is a pretty astute judge of character and people because we always told him to observe, pay attention, and assess people by their actions and performance and not only their words.

He went through a spell where he was making friends with the edgy  fringe elements of the delinquent crowd at his high school.  When we confronted him on those choices he became very defensive of his new "friends".  "They are not bad people.....blah.... blah..... blah....." His long term group of friends were all high performing academic, athletes, and band geek types.   After a couple of months he stopped hanging with the edgy crowd.  Every time he went out with any of his friends we would ask about what they had all done, etc, etc, etc....  It became clearly apparent to him that the new crowd was overstepping and he cut them out of his life as our discussions and observations permiated his cranium.

We also put an exclamation point on that phase by sending him to Military School for his Jr and Sr year of HS.  Though he had already moved on from the edgy crowd, his mom and I were taking no chances.