Well, it all started 10 years ago. Kids were 15, 13,11 and 7. Like I said, I was going to be the Queen of Blended Families! HA! My husband is a great husband and a great Father. We have a very good marriage. We fought a lot about BM and "situations" with the kids but not so much the kids. Things that I realize now he had no control over either or stuff that wasn't his fault…poor guy!! They had a tough time adjusting at first but they did seem to like me. Because I interjected myself into everything. I went to recitals, graduations, band concerts, some drop offs and pick ups etc…with my husband. BM was there with her husband. We never sat together. If we saw each other in the hall afterwards, we would just say hello. That's about it. BM is actually a nice person. Dumber than a box of rocks, but nice. I never had a problem with her personally, I had a problem with what a shitty Mother she was and how she was affecting her kids. Started when SD hit 12-13. She had no curfew, no rules, no responsibilities, no guidance. Initially, I told myself, you can't do anything about what goes on in their house. BUT then it started affecting us. Phone calls at midnight to pick her up because her mom didn't pick her up at the movies. (at 12 years old) Had a gun pulled on her at a friends house at 14 and BM acted like it was no big deal and wasn't going to take her to talk to someone and make sure she was okay, so we did. Pregnant @ 16, court date with SS for drag racing . It happened at their house, in their truck. (my husband took the day off work, drove 3 hours to go to court with him because BM told him she wasn't going with him) I could go on and on and on and on and on with 50 more stories like this!

Thankfully, 3 years ago, my husband was transferred. Now it was only 3 hours away but it did change visitation and it changed how much we had to see her. BM was calling my husband constantly with STUPID stuff so he set her straight on that about only calling about the kids, visitation , an emergency, etc…so that got better.

Then as the kids got older it got better. We got them cell phones when they turned 16…probably one of the best days of my husbands life!! lol Then this past December, grandsons 3rd birthday, SD asked her grandparents (husbands parents) if she could have his party there because her apt was too small, plus it would cut about an hour and a half from our drive. The whole week before, my husband and I were DREADING the party because we knew BM would be there. Well, she wasn't there. On the way home, DH Called SD and said "Hey, you know we realize that we are going to have to deal with/see your Mom at things that involve you kids. I don't know why she wasn't there but don't worry about us, we can deal with it" Her response, "Dad, she wasn't there because I didn't want her there" Then she said that I don't want to get into but she hardly leaves the house, she never washes her hair, the last few times I've gone over there, she couldn't even bother to get up from her computer chair and visit with her Grandson" So, that's why I say they are figuring it out on their own.

Bottom line for me, things only got better as they got older. I'm a bit of a control freak And it drove me nuts that I couldn't control this situation. So, looking back now, I brought a lot of it on myself! I can laugh about it now but it used to really affect me mentally and physically back in the day and it's so not even worth it. Now my SS is about to graduate and go to college. We will all still be in that 3 hour range so we are planning to meet once a month at a spot that works for everyone for lunch, dinner or something. I am a firm believer of I raised my kids, now let them live their lives, give me back my life and have a nice visit every once in a while! I feel that way about my 2 as well.

Being on here this last week ,I see I had it so much easier than most! My parents were divorced when I was 4 but neither of them ever remarried so I never had to deal with this. But because of that reason, I think I just tried to find some compassion and tried to remember that they are trying to wrap their tiny heads around all these new people and all the changes. Sometimes it was hard, very hard to find and keep that compassion. And sometimes It just flew out the window! I think that it really helped too that my husband , for the most part, agreed with me on most and "was on my side" If the spouse is always siding with the kids or the BM, that would be very difficult. Almost impossible to overcome. That I think is one of the reasons that it looks like my marriage is going to survive.

Ok, sorry for ranting! Don't ever stop looking out for Number 1 because nobody else will!! I hope your "journey" is as smooth as it possible can be!