Hi,

I joined this site some time ago and forgot about it. I just happened to go through my list of bookmarks a while ago and saw Step Talk bookmarked. Anyway, I couldn't remember the password or if I was even accepted on this site, and to my surprise I was. I also read the little insert about my status at the time.

I have been dating and became engaged to a father with a grown son the same age as my daughter. My fiance's son was killed in June 2009. I didn't come back to this site because I didn't feel a need to at that time.

However, during that time I joined Step Talk and prior to meeting this man, I was in and out of a relationship with an ex with two kids for several months. It was an awful time in my life and I finally broke up with my ex in 2006. He continued to come around but I felt more like a yo yo after the split to the point that I felt more like a default woman to him. I took a lot of sh&t off these people and I resented the hell out of the situation I allowed myself to be manipulated into doing. By no means did I get any respect from ex, his mother, or son. I felt more like a doormat and a wallet after almost ten years in a relationship. Then to top it off, I found out that he had been seeing a couple of women during the last two years we were together. Ex lived with me and I gave up my car for visitation every other Sunday. The straw that broke the camels back was when the bm and his mother took it upon themselves and thought that they would send the boy to my house for three months so his bm and her husband could get a break without my permission! Now that I look back at this situation and since my mother's ex get that housing supplement income, I've noticed that she will have one of her grandson's living with her on and off temporarily. I'm not sure if this is a requirement of the law, but I got a feeling that something fishy was going on. Also, bm was not being compliant of the visitation order which stated every other weekend. She had breached the court order and left the city and moved to Atlanta, GA back in 05 taking the kid with her. Between 05 and 06, ex had decided to pick up his old drug habit again. Now this was my apartment and my car that his mother had offered up without even notifying me. That is when all h*ll broke loose, and we split finally. There was no way I was going to take care of a nine year old boy for three months while ex went on his rampage of drinking, drugging and womanizing.

So for two years after we were in a state of limbo. Ex continued to be wishy washy and call the shots until I started dating this other guy who had the son. I met my current guy in 2008. We are still together, but things are really tense between us right now. My daughter was diagnosed in December '09 with ovarian cancer and had surgery. However, I can't help but feel the dynamics of control from her father, who at this point is not being very supportive of her. She has been going through chemo and he told her flat out that he will not be able to help with chemo rides or rides while the weather is nice since he is doing landscaping this time of the year. He was forced to retire from his job because of his temper. So, now I am expected to take off from my job at a moment's notice. My boss has been great about my situation, and I'm allowed to work from home, but I don't want people taking advantage of this situation either.

However, I feel that my daughter is improving and now calls me for things that can actually wait until the weekend. I don't mind taking her back and forth to the doctor, but I don't like having to do these little extra things at a moment's notice either. The doctor's appt can take at least 45 minutes to an hour and then she should be back home, and I should be able to drop her off at home and return to work. However, I'm finding myself becoming resentful because I'm finding out that she has a full agenda pre-pared for the day and I'm not told until she gets in the car.

Her father is remarried for the third time, and cats around on his wife if you get my drift. However, I feel that if I make arrangements to take my child back and forth and lose time from work, he should be making a similar sacrifice or at least keep our grandson when I'm with my daughter doing these doctor visits. However, his thing is he is not available during the Spring and Summer months. My grandson and I either go park until she is done with her blood work or we go home and wait.

I've read some of the posts here, about the loony antics of the bms. However, let me assure you that all of us are not the money grubbing, crazy, and materialistic fools that we are made out to be. Sometimes we marry jerks who cheat, lie, and run around with other women, and who is probably involved with wife number 2 before even a separation takes place in the marriage like in my case. And as far as being materialistic, if you call getting $130 dollars a month for child support for nineteen years materialistic, go figure. Of course, I looked like a desperate crazy wife to wife number two until she experienced his behavior first hand.

If any of you ladies out there can offer me some some suggestions about what to do about scheduling my time with my daughter more efficiently, please give me some feedback.

Also, with fiance, I'm seeing behaviors in him that I'm not too impressed with. For example, making me out to be the culprit before I can even offer an explanation of what has happened. He also seems very self-centered during sex and focusing only on his needs. We rarely go anywhere together as a couple anymore. During Christmas and birthdays I get appliances for gifts. Not sure what this is all about, but I'm not all that impressed. He doesn't appear as the man I met in the beginning. If I have a complaint about something, it is not really dealt with.

I took off the engagement ring today, and I'm wondering if I should just call it a day.