My greatest fear confirmed tonight
Ok I maybe jumping the gun but DH dropped a bomb on me today. Both step kids are Rude disrespectful spoiled brats. DH has been Casually talking to step brats about living with us when they turn 18. Yep you heard right. Now the oldest I’m not to worried about because she has a boyfriend and plans on moving out of state with him but the younger one is a total daddies boy and all for it. Now mind you he’s only in middle school so I’m hoping and Praying he changes him mind gets a girlfriend and moves away like his sister. After a particular rotten day with the brats I told DH to stop Encouraging younger step son to live with us when he’s 18. DH flipped out and said that’s a HUGE problem as he wants SS to live with us to “ keep an eye on him to make sure he stays out of trouble”. Big WTF. Not sure if there’s any truth in that or DH just pulled that out his ass. I can tell DH is REALLY going to push for this and it scares the crap out of me as SS is so Awful. Am I right to be so Concerned that this could actually happen? Or is SS so young he could change his mind when he gets older? I know when I termed 18 I could not wait to move out of my parents and be Independent.
I can not fathom how he
Would want a Adult to move into your home. So SS can not work, sit home all day and do nothing ? Time to tell DH to save his money and move into an apartment with his son.
Well if he is only now in
Well if he is only now in middle school that’s a good amount of time. He could be a great student, get into a nice school and be out at 18. It could also go the other way, he can become a worse teenager (more likely in my experience) and move back home.
DH should be encouraging school not turning to 18 and sitting on his butt at your home. I don’t understand why he wants that. Most parents are wanting their kids to go off to college to succeed in life.
Even if the kid isn’t into the idea of college now that could likely change in HS, especially seeing his peers head in that direction.
The best I can think is to have a convo with DH about that. “Don’t you want him going to college?” “What are your and his thought on what he is going to do when he graduates” etc.
Just because living at dads seems fun at the age of 12 doesn't mean he will feel even remotely the same at 17/18
DH DOES want SS to go to College
But live with us when he does. I asked if he was going to let SS live rent free once he turned 18 and he Skated around the question and said he wants SS to Concentrate on his college and not have to work. Translated no. Disney daddy sees no wrong in anything step brat does and always defends him. My only hope is step brat who is got his looks going for him finds some girl and takes off like his older sister is planning on doing.
Right. He going to find a GF who
Wants go go out with a guy who does not work and lives with his parents. She can move in also, That what everyone needs two losers. Really saids something about your DH, That he wants his kid to work on being a loser. That what the world needs
You are absolutely right
You are absolutely right to be concerned because at the end of the day, this is your life too. We’re only gifted so much limited time alive and it’s not fair for your to be completely consumed by your husband’s child even as they become adults. Now, I don’t think you should stress yourself out too much because there’s still time to get his son on the right track and help him become a fully capable adult. Is his son in counseling? Is there a mentorship program he can get involved with? ROTC is great for instilling discipline in youth and giving them a bigger picture to life beyond youth and beyond their own adolescent world.
Well you've got 6 years to
Well you've got 6 years to get yourself financially in shape. Never try to accept the unacceptable unless you truly have no choice (like a death). Make it crystal clear that you will not help finance this.
I fully believe in supporting
I fully believe in supporting kids going through college and letting them stay at home rent free. It's an investment in their future and more of an assurance that they won't be living at home forever. If it is a possibility that the kid could live in the dorms or with roomies all the better. They grow up so much more when they have to navigate their own relationships and deal with housemates. Many kids do live at home and go to college to reduce housing costs which is understandable.
Who knows what will happen in 6 years but now is the time to start planting the seeds of adulting in ss's head. A friend of mine's son did a work program in Australia after graduation. Some kids study abroad. There are several jobs that pay you to travel. Your needs matter too, not just ss and DH's. DH can freak out all he wants but you are allowed to set your own boundaries like:
Kids can live here past 18 IF they are attending school FULL-TIME and getting at least a 3.0. Or like in my case I have ds 22 living at home but he does do a lot of housesitting, chores and pays his share of the bills.
Stay strong lady. These men don't get to run your life.