Just can't get past it
SS13 lives with his mom. Last year he decided he wanted to live here. It was a year of pure HELL. It caused major marriage problems with DH and I. I disengaged as much as I could, problem is that I care about him... he just blames me for all his problems in life. NO matter what I did it was wrong - good and bad. I dont trust him with our kids (8 & 5) at all and I feel like he's a bad influence on them. I think we were both relieved with SS13 decided to move back (because he couldn't manipulate us like he can BM).
Well, now its our holiday so SS13 is back. And I just dread coming home again. I really dont want to do anything with him. Everything he does just feels so fake. Ugh. I dont know if it is or not, but I really just dont care. I am so done and over him. But I know that DH can see it and feel it and I'm starting to feel guilty. Sigh. I just have to get through Friday. At least I'm working this week except Thursday.
But if its like this for one week will summer break be just as bad? Ugh. How do I get over this?
With the kind of day I have
With the kind of day I have with bf and ss8, I would trade this situation with you any day. I know that's no help, just my thoughts out loud. Disengage Never ever will my bf do that EVER no matter what.
Logic. You're fighting (and
Logic. You're fighting (and rightfully so) your nurturing side. I'd suggest you admit to yourself that you cannot save every kid in the world and this one is one of them.
Also understand that now matter how the kid turns out you will neither take the blame or the credit provided you keep your hands off. However if you did stick your nose in you would get none of the credit if he turns out well but may very well get the blame if he doesn't.
Also keep in mind that kids sense weakness in a parent just as any suboridinate senses weakness in any superior. Kids unhesitatingly take advantage of this as they have little sense of the long term consequences of their actions. By continuing to disengage you take all the kids power over you away as he can no longer tweak your emotional strings.
I can very much relate to you
I can very much relate to you with your feelings of anger and walking on eggshells, yet wanting to reach this kid. It's in our nature and when you marry someone you love very much, it seems almost obscene to have negative feelings about their kids. I know this is my experience anyway. It's a confusing feeling to be sure! I am glad I found this forum. I know I have to deal with all these emotions and not use my husband as my constant sounding board. I hope that your SS will see that he is very lucky that his dad married someone that does care about him.