Today I am sad. I do my job as a healthy and savvy step-mom to my two SD's 7 and 13. I shower them with love, affection praise and gifts. I feel blessed to have them. When they are here I try to have lots of fun and I also try to create lasting memories for them. I do treat them as my very own and try hard to provide an unconditional love to them that they have been comfortable with. I don't mother them but guide them if they ask. I do not act as a BFF but more like respectable role-model. I do not discipline them or publicly show my disgust when they fail grades or act inappropriately as I would my own. And I have never stepped on the toes of their BM in spite of all the tears her actions have caused me throughout the years.

BM and SF bought my 13SD a toy poodle for xmas because she begged for one. They are the recycled dog house(on a main rd) - after a year it's outside with the rest of their 4 dogs...even if it's a toy poodle and it doesn't first get hit by a car!! SD has not once cleaned her room, made her bed, picked up her dirty clothes of the floor or ever helped with a dirty dish – not even when told to help by her father.

My husband and I finally after 5 years of planning bought a beautiful new home, not previously loved but NEW 4 months ago!
My husband told me about the toy poodle gift BM gave her a few days before xmas. We both agreed in casual conversation of what an irresponsible idea it was since SD is the most slobby, spoiled child ever – she’s 13 and that is far too much responsibility for her. Dogs are not toys they are responsibilities. Parents who don’t think that through are just gunning for that instant satisfaction of getting the child WHATEVER they want and it’s out-right pathetic. Our conversation quickly spiraled out of control when I stated that the puppy will not be staying at our new house. My husband got defensive and he said “you should give MY daughter more of a chance. We always use the word OUR so this was a direct attack on me not letting the dog come over because – why? – she wasn’t my biological daughter. Was what he was saying. I was so completely insulted that he so quickly pulled out the “MY” card and appalled he would consider a puppy in our new house at the same time – I didn’t know which one upset me more? I got up and left the restaurant. That night he apologized for disassociating me with our daughter and I believed he was sincere.

Fast-forward two weeks, husband brings kids to house and SD walks in with puppy and kennel. I pulled my husband aside immediately and asked about our last conversation – the one I walked out the restaurant . He said he had no choice that BM and SF forced it on him and he didn’t want to argue in front of the kids so he brought the dog home.
For the record – I love dogs more than any of these fools I’m talking about and because I know my SD and her BM – I know this dogs fate and it’s not good – so I’m pissed that BM thinks this is just cute.
I told SD that his weekend will probably be the only weekend the puppy can come over. She freaked saying that her mother told her she was not allowed to go over dad’s without the puppy and if Dad said she couldn’t take it then she could go over dad’s. I was in SHOCK! What kind of mother says that? The kind who has a 6 month old baby and doesn’t want the responsibility of a puppy? SD instantly called her mom in front of my husband to tell on me for not allowing the dog over every time, in which he said nothing and just tried to stay out of it saying it’s between y’all. Y’all hash this out. I walked into the kitchen not knowing what to do – my pulse was pounding through my skin because I had NEVER made a rule in the 6 years of me being in their lives…NEVER!
I never get in the middle of husband and BM but I was not having this responsibly of a puppy unleashed(no pun) on me and my new home. I was not being mean, I was as calm as possible about the puppy rule(waaaay nicer than would have been with Biological son).

I told SD that of course she would be allowed at Dad’s even without the dog and that getting a dog is a big responsibility and if her mom wants to talk to me she can call me. I couldn’t believe my husband was hearing all of this and not helping me out?
That night my Hubby & I fought like we hadn’t in a long time into the late hours. He told me I had no right confronting SD – that it’s not her fault. I was in no way mean or hateful. He said he didn’t mind the dog there. She was taking good care of it and that just because their BM makes bad decisions I shouldn’t make the SD suffer. He said he didn’t know to intervene when she called her mom in front of me to tell on me. But basically – he wanted the dog to stay so it didn’t piss off BM and SD and I didn’t.

I pleaded about how as the woman and mother of our house, I do all the cooking, all the cleaning and all the caretaking (and own my own business). Since I take care of and pick up after the kids and it’s my house I should have at least 50% say on this situation and since I do not agree it should be a WE don’t agree. I really just wanted that respect of this decision not being pushed on me.
Somehow we got through the weekend and I cuddled and kissed the puppy and sent it home to the adults who bought it. The puppy is adorable and did pee and poop on it’s potty pad but also had a few accidents we found and who knows about the other 3,500 sf of our house? SD took minimal care since me, hubby and live-in grampa doted on the pup. I never once saw her play with the pup - she was over it already! BUT if you ask my husband the dog always went on potty pad, SB played endlessly with it and it didn’t bark and wake the whole house up at 6am.
On a whole another side – our family dog bit youngest SD on lip that weekend for the first time ever – we are still not sure if it was because she was wedged between ottoman/couch or if being protective of puppy?

Two weeks later my husband calls on way to get the girls – just wanted to let you know SD is bringing the puppy this weekend. Me - um I thought we went through this already. My heart is pumping through my skin again just at the though of this conflict. Well I thought you may have changed your mind. Well I’m sorry that I actually meant what I said. He was pissed – his tone was cold. I could tell he was not happy with my decision. He called me to tell me that BM cussed him out and said that we send SD home with responsibilities that they have to deal with like he cell phone – okay then give it back and you can buy her a cell phone and pay for it…did we also forget the fact that a cell phone is not a living breathing thing??

When SD got in the car she asked him if I was going to let her bring her baby over the house when she has one. My husband came home aggrevated, wouldn’t look at me or talk to me for 20mins. We went into the bedroom to talk and he continued that he disagrees of my decision and he thinks that I am just trying “to get one over” on BM because she never asked me if the dog could come to “your” house. That I’m making SD suffer because of a battle between BM and myself?
This hurt me beyond words can say, took away any dignity I had in being able to make trustworthy decisions and not hateful ones. He granted my request but is now punishing me for it and has been ever since. Says our house is the “no” house? My 7yr old is excluded from most of this because she’s as happy to be with us at all times. She has never complained once. Older SD complains she’s bored, take me here, there, but me this, that, I don’t want to eat that make me this, take me there and gets an F on report card.

I can’t tell you how bad this has hurt me. I sound like a big crybaby but as a step mom I don’t get the unconditional love the BF and BM get, I don’t get a phone call on mothers day or handmade cards on my birthday when it doesn’t fall on our weekend. I don’t get to ever see my family in other states on the holidays, I don’t get to plan family vacations on my schedule? I don’t get to be called MommaC at their request, I get trash talked by their BM. I have taken all the left over hand me down scraps of love I have received and thank the lord for what I do get.

I feel like an outsider in my own home, they all go on without me and I have not talked to my huband all weekend. He’s stressing that he never gets to see them and

THIS WAS THE FIRST DECISION I HAVE EVER TRIED TO MAKE – look where it got me. I have no control and my husband doesn’t seem to respect me. I have cried and been pretty useless three weekends over this. I am ashamed of us and now uncomfortable in my role as a SM. I resent the way he has treated me and he will not listen or even try try try to understand.

He tells me that I don’t understand what it’s like seeing your kids as little as he and when he says it I swear he hates me for it.

Have I been a horrible SM over this dog? How do I not resent my SD for my husband turning on me in her defense and her knowing it?