My DH did not take on extra work or much OT just because of this fact. It seemed like every step forward would involve two steps back when it came to (already financially better than us but greedy BM).

I worked more and made "frugality" another job of mine. Clipping coupons, comparing prices, having control of the finances on a strict budget, cutting everything to the bone.

Dave Ramsey is a good person to listen to when you want to get out of a financial hole.

For the longest time, it seemed like my life was going to suck perpetually. But all good things must come to an end (like BM's gravy train!) and now CS will be ending and both of us have gotten big raises.

Check out these posts for more inspiration:
http://www.steptalk.org/node/108676
http://www.steptalk.org/node/128766

sounds like he's paying too much in child support. could you request a reduction? when my dh was laid off, he refused to go for a reduction, so i made him get a second job. with the second job, we're doing ok. but, we had to cut out all the extras that he spent on the skids. bm gets nothing above what is court-ordered (other than some school clothes) and the kids don't get stuff except at bdays ($50) and christmas ($100). it sucks, but you gotta live.

It definitely stinks! DH used to do lots of "extras" (as in buying stuff for breakfast, dinner and snacks) for SD (and BM) before we got married. Now, we limit our "extras" to things that SD definitely needs. We end up providing the majority of SD's clothes and shoes, but I'm ok with that. At least SD ends up with nice clothes that don't make her look like a tiny hooker.

We've definitely had to make lifestyle changes. I'm still driving an 8 yr old car that threatens to die on a regular basis. We set a limit on gifts we exchange with each other. DH is a skillful bargain shopper and he does our grocery shopping. We are beyond thrilled that BM got a "real" job and that CS will drop soon!

It was really tough. Almost same scenario. Bm on welfare, section 8, foodstamps, and a bachelors and masters with no student loans. Jobs? Few and far between. My husband is in the armed forces...there were times more than 50 percent of his pay was going to ex wife. Support recently ended. Such a load off! Bm used $ to hold him hostage. Feels great having zero ties/obligation to her. Told hubs that once we pay off our car...he needs to buy himself a BMW! When I met him he was driving a rusted out 85 Honda civic, bringing home 450 a month after child support. He deserves to use that money on something that brings a bit of joy after the misery that bm was to him. By the way, bm has suddenly turned sweet as sugar. As is the ysd who rarely spoke to him previously. I'm thinking it'll be around Christmas when they ask for $!

It was really tough. Almost same scenario. Bm on welfare, section 8, foodstamps, and a bachelors and masters with no student loans. Jobs? Few and far between. My husband is in the armed forces...there were times more than 50 percent of his pay was going to ex wife. Support recently ended. Such a load off! Bm used $ to hold him hostage. Feels great having zero ties/obligation to her. Told hubs that once we pay off our car...he needs to buy himself a BMW! When I met him he was driving a rusted out 85 Honda civic, bringing home 450 a month after child support. He deserves to use that money on something that brings a bit of joy after the misery that bm was to him. By the way, bm has suddenly turned sweet as sugar. As is the ysd who rarely spoke to him previously. I'm thinking it'll be around Christmas when they ask for $!

It was really tough. Almost same scenario. Bm on welfare, section 8, foodstamps, and a bachelors and masters with no student loans. Jobs? Few and far between. My husband is in the armed forces...there were times more than 50 percent of his pay was going to ex wife. Support recently ended. Such a load off! Bm used $ to hold him hostage. Feels great having zero ties/obligation to her. Told hubs that once we pay off our car...he needs to buy himself a BMW! When I met him he was driving a rusted out 85 Honda civic, bringing home 450 a month after child support. He deserves to use that money on something that brings a bit of joy after the misery that bm was to him. By the way, bm has suddenly turned sweet as sugar. As is the ysd who rarely spoke to him previously. I'm thinking it'll be around Christmas when they ask for $!

I am not sure if I would rather my DH paying CS to one of your BM's that are on welfare and assistance. I would feel better if she was struggling and really needed the CS. My BM makes good money equal to my DH and way more then I do. Her husband makes 6 figures or close to it and they just bought a big nice home and live way more comfortable then DH and I do but yet she still relies on my ex to pay CS and half of all medical expenses even though the kids no longer come to visit us. They have quickly adjusted to their new life styles with shopping, dinners out, vacations and their fancy in-ground pool. Before we disengaged completely we were told we were poor and broke by one of my adult SD's.
When her dad and I got together she was in 1st grade and at that time my husband was paying 1400 a month for her and her brother and sisters.. plus..half of daycare for the littler ones and half of medical. We have struggled for 14 years through layoffs as well and have had to file bankruptcy and lost our homes over the years because her mother dragged us to court with her increases and attorney fees. Now we only have 3 more years to go of this madness and it's still so far away to me... I cannot wait to be rid of them and their mother and this damn financial court ordered obligation!

It seems to me that sometimes, the "best interests of the children" really means "the best interests of the custodial parent". My DH payed quite a bit of CS, even though they had split custody and many months he had SD more than he was supposed to. BM has never worked more than maybe 20 hrs a week, but the majority of the time since their divorce she has been voluntarily unemployed. We have 2 other children, and we know what it costs to raise a child. Between what my DH was paying her, and the fact that he had SD at the very least half the time, he was most definitely paying for all of SD's expenses while she stayed with BM AND some of their family's own living expenses. Disgusting.

Now the tables have turned, and DH is the custodial parent. BM refuses to pay CS, and has even at one point asked for gas money for visitation.

What I find ironic about the lay off situation, is that when a nuclear intact family deals with a lay off what do they do? They change their budget, they clip coupons and they cut things out in order to save money and make ends meet. After a divorce, all of a sudden those rules don't apply. On one hand, they claim the children should have the same standard of living that they would have had if the parents lived together in one household. However, expecting a parent to keep paying CS at the same amount after a lay off is not realistic and it's certainly not how it would go if the parents lived together. But ohhh no, the innocent children should never have to give up t-ball or name brand clothes just because the irresponsible custodial parent lost their job. :?