Defending her still. It's nothing to do with her then, it's all you. I suppose he is right about that though. It really isn't to do with her, it was about HIM. His failure to parent her, to treat her as a daughter and not some woman he was courting and showering with gifts to win her over. It was him who put her first and his relationship with you last. As he was walking out the door today, he still didn't see how much his failure as a parent and partner has cost him and you. Silly, silly, silly man.

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know I'm pretty new on here but have been following your posts, and feel a certain kinship with you due to contemplating leaving my current rs as well.

I hope you'll take care of yourself, and spoil yourself if you can. I've thought about what I'd do if it comes to this for me and I think the best therapy would be doing something positive, especially if it's something you had to deny yourself or put off because of the relationship. Good luck with the new job, hon, I really hope all goes well for you.

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know I'm pretty new on here but have been following your posts, and feel a certain kinship with you due to contemplating leaving my current rs as well.

I hope you'll take care of yourself, and spoil yourself if you can. I've thought about what I'd do if it comes to this for me and I think the best therapy would be doing something positive, especially if it's something you had to deny yourself or put off because of the relationship. Good luck with the new job, hon, I really hope all goes well for you.

Good idea, please go. For a little while you will have to force yourself I know. But if you can make yourself go out and you have supportive friends then surround yourself with them. A trouble shared, is a trouble halved.

I know how you are feeling. I felt the same way when I broke up with my exBF after being together two years. Same reason basically as yours, he would not parent his 7 year old son.

Even though your head knows it was the right thing to do, it still doesn't stop your heart from hurting. Best advice I can give is try to avoid contact with your STBX as much as possible. I know you will still have to deal with him from time to time re: your divorce, but the more you limit your interaction with him the easier it will be to get over him. It will still take time for your heart to heal, so give yourself that.

***HUGS*** and yes it does get better. When we first broke up whenever a white van that looked like the van he drove, drove past me I would look at the driver to see if it was him. I forced myself to stop doing that. One day a white van drove past me and I realized I didn't strain to see who the driver was. That was when I knew I was over him.

So sorry you're sad...take it one day at a time.

When I read "all she ever wanted was being number one for him, sleeping in his bed and getting him to buy her stuff every day" I was wondering if we had the same SD :jawdrop:

Told H yesterday I want a divorce and he said today that SD treated him better than me and I was horrible too her. Oh and if I had just towed the line it would have been ok. At present he is looking for a home, so I guess I was right, I am not needed by him. Wish you other best. I know how much you are hurting, I am too but I'm confident we don't deserve all this and it will get better x

Hope when his daughter grows up gets a man of her own she still looks after daddy better than you do. It'd be a rotten shame if she dumped daddy for another man wouldn't it. After that insult I hope you threw him and his little girlfriend straight out. She can look after him in a motel, and he can look for a new place from there too. You are well shot of that one.

I am so sorry for yourself and oncechoosetosmile. Both of you have done the right thing, but it still hurts.

Oh yeah lovn, I married who he presented to be. Who he really is. Stuffed if I know. He's not someone I would have knowingly chosen. His daughter is forever gone, if he tries to let her back in, or stops his meds, he will be too. There is only so much compassion to go around and these days I'm keeping some of that for myself.

Must add though, what could have been your future is not only more of the same, but as she got older, got married and excluded you from that, then had babies, your future could easily have Ben getting pushed further and further down the list of priorities. It really does get worse when daddy's girl gets older, she's no longer the mini wife, she's the full blown wife, and you will know it.

Move on with your life. Don't wait in hope he will see the error of his ways and come back to you. But in saying that, if he really does love you, he will given a chance to know life without you, sort himself out, become a parent, but daughter in her place, as a part of your family and a huge part of his life, but you, you will be his life.

The old saying if you love something let it go, if its yours it will come back to you rings true. But don't wait, begin your life because you too need to change, if you don't learn and grow and change from this, you are doomed to repeat it. Who knows in the next year or two the woman you become probably won't look twice at a man like that. You will pick up the warning signs way, way early.