You are here

Has living with skids changed your relationship with your partner

Ari2427's picture

Submitted by Ari2427 on Wed, 05/29/2019 - 2:13pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

I was interested in hearing how living with skids has changed your relationship or if it hasn’t? I’m 29 and my SO is 34. My SO and I share a 6 month old son. He has 3 kids from two different previous relationships. The mother of his youngest two (boy and girl ages 10 and 11) called him freaking out the other day saying she needs a break from them and that she thinks they should come live with us. She didn’t elaborate as to why but keeps saying new year new school. Currently he has them every other weekend. The relationship with the BM ended 8 years ago but she’s a control freak and would sometimes keep the kids away from him. She almost never picks up when he calls her to speak to them. But now all of a sudden she doesn’t want them living with her. We are living in a small 2 bed 2 bath apartment so the kids can’t come stay with us yet. I can handle the kids coming every other weekend but I honestly don’t want them to live with us full time. The weekends that they’re here it’s literally catering to kids all weekend. The only alone time we have is when they go to sleep. As far as how soon they would be coming to stay depends on when everything is sign sealed by court order. But just the thought of them coming to stay full time has been stressing me out. Has your skids moving in changed your relationship with your SO at all?

flmomma08's picture

Submitted by flmomma08 on Wed, 05/29/2019 - 2:49pm

Ugh we have been through so many different arrangements.. week on/week off, then us having SD full time for years, and now BM has her. It definitely changes things but I will say, if you get them full time the catering will have to come to an end. Usually that is done when the dad feels guilty for not having their kid all the time so they try to pack a bunch of fun into their weekend. That is not real life. We had to make changes with that when SD started staying with us full time. We don't have fun plans 24/7. She had to get used to real life here. They should be able to entertain themselves for a while at that age.

Is your DH in agreement with them being there full time?

MissDenise's picture

Submitted by MissDenise on Wed, 05/29/2019 - 2:53pm

My SS was every other weekend because that's what they agreed to. Once he turned 11/12 and his attitude was horrible she tried to get us to take him. We both said NO. She raised him that way, she was going to live with those results. You need to talk to your SO. What is his feeling on the subject? I would have divorced my DH, but thankfully he felt the same way. Also, he didn't want to live with us and 2 small kids! If BM had died he would have gone to one of her siblings no doubt.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Wed, 05/29/2019 - 3:24pm

My DH had the skids every other weekend now that there's a CO that BM doesn't want to follow he gets the skids every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of the month and every other holiday plus a 30 days for the summer. I would leave if the skids lived with us full time.

GoingWicked's picture

Submitted by GoingWicked on Wed, 05/29/2019 - 6:44pm

The times when we’ve had SD full time?  No.  However, both of us are committed to our relationship, we have a standing date night every week, and an early bedtime for all the kids so we have adult time in the evenings.  However, we do argue a lot more when she’s around.  He’s a guilty Disney dad and she’s a spoiled, manipulative child.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 12:33am

If DH wants his kids he needs to get a bigger home,  much bigger,  He should start parenting them now, doing the cooking and cleaning after them 

TrueNorth77's picture

Submitted by TrueNorth77 on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 10:26am

We have skids majority of the time (10 days with us/4 with BM...she only has them 8 days a month during the school year), and it definitely impacts our relationship. We have had many huge disagreements with how to handle things regarding skids, and I feel like we finally figured a lot of things out. It's good that you have a little time before they move in, so you can talk with your SO about how you will handle things with skids when they are there full time. Get this squared away BEFORE they move in!! Things like house rules, consequences for breaking house rules, chores and cleaning up after themselves, who does the punishing and what your role will be when it comes to that, and how to ensure you aren't raising entitled bratty jerks. (Meaning, they don't get everything they want, they help around the house, etc). Also, how he will handle disresect if and when it comes up. And most importantly, how you will ensure that you have time to yourselves and that your relationship remains a priority in your home. I have found, (and finally got my SO to see), that when I feel loved and like a priority to him, I have less resentment for skids. If your SO continues his "all about the skids" mentality when they are living there full-time, I highly doubt your relationship will make it. Discuss this before they move in!

Good luck, I feel for you. It's such a huge change.