Feeling all over the place emotionally
Forums:
Does anybody else feel like if they don't make rules and boundaries for Skids then it won't happen?? SD has been with mom the past 3 days and is now back and I just feel so heavy again. I get so annoyed that I am the one tell SD to do things, but DH will make decisions like giving her phone back and won't say anything about it to me... I just get so messed up in my head and emotions about my role. You bring in a teenage girl into our home, yet you don't want to do any of the hard stuff that BM had just gave up on doing. Everytime she leaves and comes back I want to leave. Why is this so hard?? I just hate I'm here and have all these different emotions all the time. How do you deal?
It is so hard because you
It is so hard because you know SD is not your responsibility. She is DH's problem. He needs to tell her what to do. Disengage.
Buy a small safe with a key
Buy a small safe with a key code and when her phone is taken lock it in the safe for the stipulated period. Don't give DH or SD the code. Write the phone return date in a small whiteboard and lean it on the front of the safe. Return the phone at bedtime on the date of return. If the SKid is at BM's on the return date keep the safe locked until her next visitation date.
Keep it simple.
I feel for you
It's hard enough to try to parent and to have two other parents against you. And that's not great for your SD either. I agree that to disengage is the best. For a while, my SD was (yes, it's true) a stripper who had flunked out of college. Wow. I actually don't live with my present husband because of job (whole other story). But, the point is that because of distance I essentially disengaged. And that is the best thing to do if you can.