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Does Anyone Else Here Have a SO That Travels?

iloveit's picture

My SO was just promoted not too long ago and his new position requires a lot of travel. I'm not dependent or falling apart when he's gone but I find that I get irritated when he goes on these trips for a week or more and then is gone all the next week. When he got the promotion he said there would be traveling but that he could make his own travel schedule and wouldn't be gone too often. However, January was out of control, February will be busy too and in March he has 2 trips planned already. I don't think I misunderstood when he told me what to expect but...I feel like it's just not what he planned. Do any of you have a husband who travels? I am taking a class in a few weeks that will help keep me busy and I'm looking forward to that. Part of my issue is that I don't have many girlfriends in my area, they are kind of spread out and not close enough for a get together. This is a difficult transition for me...I'm looking for advice on how to make this a little smoother for me and for him...advice is welcomed!

SusiQ's picture

My DH doesn't travel for work - at least not yet but does work a rotational shift of 2 weeks days and 2 weeks nights - so basically when he's on nights, he's out of pocket the entire time - We may see him around 3pm on Saturdays and Sundays until the kids go to bed but that's it. So basically it's just me and DS 3 & DD6months when he's on the night shift. I hate it! I've got a life outside of him but with the kids I can't just get out and do what I want.
They are looking at him for a pilot team job which would involve travel which could be months at another plant or another country. Not sure how I'll handle that!

Hopefully you'll meet folks when your class starts - do you belong to a gym - try out all those funky classes you've ben avoiding - who knows who you'll meet.

iloveit's picture

Ugh Blender I'm sorry...that sounds so annoying that skids are there immediately and you don't get time to yourselves! I'm lucky in that regard since sd's are in their 20's and now they don't bug him a lot on the weekend or at least not as much as they used to. Plus, if there was any chance of that I say looong before he even leaves...so you're going to be gone for a week do I get you to myself for the weekend? The answer is usually yes unless he has a show for his band or something. Then I will usually go but to me it's not quality time spent together. I am the exact same way, by the time Wednesday comes I'm so over him being gone. I really miss him when he is away and when he gets back we can't get enough of each other...that might be the only upside!

happymostly's picture

my dh doesnt travel, but he has 2 jobs, so when he was in the training phase of his weekend job, I didnt see him for almost 2 weeks! I work mornings and early evenings, but for those 2 weeks I was strictly on mornings, while he worked training wise 3-11pm then 1130pm-7 am at his normal job and I was already gone in the mornings before he got to come home! but now the training phase on his weekend job is over, so he's JUST working weekends there and then overnights sun-thurs. I almost enjoyed it though, because we had been fighting alot, but after about 4 days of not seeing him, I missed him!

and also, we were long distance for about 8 months (on and off for periods of time in the 2 and half years weve been together) So it does suck! what thing we did, was take pictures of ourselves, or just random/funny stuff and text message it to each other once or twice a day. we picked a time of day that worked for both of us where we could sit and talk on the phone for a while about our day. I really looked forward to our phone calls together at that certain time! Hope that helps you a little bit! and I hope your SO's schedule works out soon to where you can know ahead of time when he'll be traveling!

iloveit's picture

Happymostly that's a good idea! He has sent me a couple of pictures of himself and I loved that! I have sent him a few here and there but you're right we should be doing more of this...excellent advice.

hismineandours's picture

My dh has almost always traveled for work. He has traveled (been deployed) to Iraq twice-and he was injured last deployment and had to remain on active duty at a base two hours away from home (for 2 years now). This was just his side job in the National Guard. In his regular job-he worked out of town probably 60 per cent of the time-he might be gone 3 days or 3 weeks-or 3 months. Usually if he was gone 3 months he would be off on at least Sunday and driveable distance home. I believe we have been apart more than together during our 10 year marriage. All that will change here in a few months when my dh is finally truly done with the military and he will be unable to go back to his previous job due to disabilities he incurred. So he will be a full time stay at home husband and dad. At this point I am more worried about the adjustment all of us will have to that.
As far as being out of town the only thing I can say is you get used to it. I've always had 3-4 kids running around as well as working full time myself so rarely did I get bored. I do miss his presence when I go to the kids events and so forth as I am sure they do as well. Luckily, I am the type of person that enjoys a bit of solitude and quiet time, love to read so it has always fit with out personaliteis. Also I find that we make more of an effort to do special things when he is home, family things, and just appreciate each other more since we cant take our time together for granted.

iloveit's picture

I just cannot stand it! I don't have kids to look after while he's away and since I don't have a relationship with SD's I have whole chunks of time where I get to pretend they don't exist! That might be another positive thing for me...when my SO is here it's like I constantly have to be made aware that adult SD's are in existence and I have a great time pretending they actually got their own lives and moved on. I just miss him and sometimes it makes me angry. I can take care of myself don't get me wrong, but this morning is a good example: we've been getting a foot of snow or more here in the Northeast and we live in an apartment complex right now. Well, they plow me into my parking spot and I have to chase down the maintenance people to get someone to plow me out. It's not that I can't do this on my own because I am more than capable but I just get really annoyed that he's not here to help with some things. It always snows when he's not here...it just irritates me that he's gone, that's all. I will get over it and maybe I will get used to it. I can't change it...I've got to accept that as well.

Frustrated New Wife's picture

My DH travels for work. He is gone for 8 days and home for 4 days. We had to move up to PA from the south for his job and it does get lonely. I don't have any girlfriends around either, so I really don't get out much at all. We are kind of in a transitional period right now trying to figure out when we are going to be moving back, so I don't want to get a job and then have to quit it a couple of months later. Anyway, it always seems to snow when my DH is gone too. We live in a rental townhouse and shoveling the driveway is our responsiblity. Now, I have never had to shovel a driveway in my life (living down south there was no need too) and the first time I did it, it was such a pain in the ass!

Needless to say, I definitely feel your pain!!!

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