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Curious ..Corona Virus and Weddings, Showers and Party Invites...

Sandybeaches's picture

So I am just curious as to how others are handling the Corona Virus and Weddings, Showers and Party Invites...

Over the last month we have started to get party invitations again.  We have received 1 wedding, 1 shower and 2 graduation party invites. 

DH and I are still not interested in gatherings.  First we know everyone is not going to wear masks as many are family and others are close friends.  Second, DH and I already had to be quarantined once during this Pandemic and lost 2 weeks of sick time that we have not gotten back and we just don't feel that it is worth it to gather.  Say for example if we attend and then someone at the party comes down with the virus, then we are in quarantine loosing pay yet again.  We both work at very strict workplaces that give us very strict guidelines on when we have to stay home and we are not allowed to travel.  

We also  worry about getting it ourselves as we both have risk factors that  could make us higher risk.   We are also  private people and do not want to share any of that and also do not want to go on and on with a long involved answer on why we are not attending.  We really are fine not attending at this time.  We are really the only ones in the family that don't attend but we also point out that most of the family never changed their behavior through the Pandemic at all so we don't really want to be around them.

What are others saying and doing about invites? 

Winterglow's picture

I'd say no to the party and shower invites. For the wedding, I'd go to the ceremony but be clear and polite that I wouldn't be attending the evening/party.

You have high risk factors and that is all they need to know. 

JRI's picture

My GD is pregnant so they threw a virtual shower.  It was easy on the guests, "here's the gift list, have it shipped here".  They did a zoom of her opening things.  I was thrilled that I didnt have to attend in person, hate to play those silly games.  I thought it was considerate for everyone, especially pregnant GD.  

My personal opinion is that if we are happy for the marrying couple or pregnant mom, the last thing we want to do is expose them, not to mention ourselves.

tog redux's picture

I haven't gotten any invites, but for me, it would depend on whether it was indoors or outdoors and what the COVID level is. Around here it's less than 1%, so I would go to an outdoor gathering that wasn't a ton of people. The rules in NY are fairly strict, too, so I might go to an indoor wedding that was important to me if I knew there would be social distancing and masks would be enforced.  In my local grocery store, I haven't seen anyone without a mask for months, so as long as people were generally masking, and the event was important to me, I'd go.  An event not important to me, probably not.  There are also limits here on the size that weddings/parties can be, so that helps.

Even though we are less than 1%, I just read in the news that they feel most of that is from social gatherings, especially inside.

Also - why not just say you are both high risk for complications of COVID?  I would - but again, I'm in a state where people are masking and taking it seriously (mostly, there are outliers).

Kitten Whiskers's picture

Try this on for size.  My brother-in-law's father passed away several days ago, and the funeral is today.  BIL's sister INSISTED on the visitation and large funeral because she's got some very fundamentalist beliefs.  BIL's younger brother is a nurse, and had been helping w/ the dad's healthcare.  All well and good except the brother has Covid.  Not just been exposed to Covid - he's been diagnosed w/ Covid.  BIL's mother, sister, and other family members have now been exposed to Covid because of the brother.  Now, courtesy of the funeral, even more people are going to be exposed.  The sister's reaction?  "It's all in God's hands, and we can't live in fear."

JRI's picture

I'm not sure if our guidelines have loosened but last I heard, funeral establishments only allowed 10 people in the building INCLUDING employees.  I heard about a man's passing where the family couldnt even get out of the car at the gravesite.

tog redux's picture

This is why I'm grateful to live in a state that has rules about this, so this type of person, and the type who doesn't care because they won't die, can't endanger everyone else.

Gimlet's picture

NY has really stepped up.  My DD is in NY for grad school and she said there is no wiggle room for compliance.

In our state, we started off really well but the anti-mask idiots ran the director of public health off and the Governor caved so now it's a mess.  I see SO many people not wearing masks or wearing them improperly and enforcement is basically up to front line workers, which really isn't fair to anyone.  I am minimizing time spent outside the home.  No invites, just touchless takeout from the small restaurants I want to support.

Cover1W's picture

DH and I turned down a birthday party invite, easy decision. Don't risk it. There is no way to know how it will affect you if you get it; higher risk though you know.

We simply send a nice gift instead.

GoingWicked's picture

We've been going out and about, accepting just about all invitations (it's been a boring summer) since June when they decided to open theme parks and casinos to out of state visitors.  Airlines, the biggest offender, are still operating. 
 

I was all for trying to contain it, but now it's pretty much moot point, they're never going to be able to track it, there are too many people going in too many directions.  It now can be everywhere you go, whether it's the local Walmart, the park, or a baby shower.  I can see it if you or a family member have are super old, obese, have a poor immune system or diabetes, or visiting someone in a nursing home, or even if I was just scared, I would probably have everything delivered, since going out at all where there is other people would result in exposure.

We're realitively young, normal weight, and healthy, there's no reason to spend our time cooped up.

tog redux's picture

We've been under 1% in our state for 3 weeks. It can be contained with rules and consequences, and just going out and about spreads it to other people who may be more vulnerable than you are. YOU might survive it, but someone you give it to, may not.

No offense, but this attitude is why we can't get rid of this dang disease.

GoingWicked's picture

Like it or not, that disease is here to stay.

If you're in the US numbers are going down because we're finally approaching herd immunity.  There's just not enough restrictions put in place to possibly contain it like other countries have.

tog redux's picture

We are not even close to herd immunity.

The numbers in the US are going down because those restrictions WERE finally put in place. Those states, like mine, who had restrictions from the beginning are very low. Those states that finally decided to mandate masks and put some restrictions in place are now seeing numbers go down, after realizing that it wasn't a hoax or a political issue.

You are right, it's here to stay, but the attitude of "who cares, I won't die" means lots more people will die before we get it mostly under control. It's sad to me that people can't even be selfless for one summer in order to save other people's lives.

https://www.healthline.com/health-news/nowhere-near-herd-immunity-with-c...

GoingWicked's picture

I can pull a ton of news articles pro herd immunity as well.  Numbers in my state were still going up 2 months after mask mandates. I'm sure the masks helped, but they are not a virus eliminator.  To be honest, I don't think our government is aiming for getting the virus under control, I think they're aiming for herd immunity without overburdening the healthcare system.  Our hospitals have been pretty underwhelmed, so I feel no guilt.
 

In other countries that do have it under control most stores aren't open, definitely not restaurants, museums, clothing outlets, people are not even allowed to go outside their home at all without a good excuse, children not at all, they can't leave the city to travel.  Unless everyone single person stays at home for an indefinite period of time it's going to continue to spread.

tog redux's picture

Wow. OK, if you want to believe misinformation, go for it.  You believe that 60-70% of 360 million people have had COVID? that's what it would take for us to have herd immunity.  I suppose you can find anything you want on the internet.

My state is lower than 1%, and stores are open, restaurants are open. Bowling alleys, museums and gyms just opened. People can have small parties, go to the beach, have small weddings.  I've been golfing, been to an overnight with my family, and been to restaurants several times.  I go to the store regularly. Sat in a friend's backyard several times.  The difference is that people wear masks and keep distance.

So I'm not sure where you are getting your information, but if it's Fox News, I suggest you try another website. Because several states in the US have it under control with nothing like the restrictions you believe are necessary. Just people caring about the well-being of other people and using common sense. Even in an city as dense as NY, the rate is only 1%. No, you can't do everything you want to do, but you also aren't confined to your home, either.

But with that, I am done, because I know there is no convincing people with your perspective.  Best wishes, and I hope you don't lose anyone to COVID.

GoingWicked's picture

Really? You are seriously shaming me for going out when you're doing the exact.same.thing?!?
 

I actually make a point not to read most news, since it comes with a bias.  I read medical journals and studies, and I look at what is coming out of the CDC, listen to our politicians and form my own opinions of the situation.

tog redux's picture

Sorry, I'm not going everywhere and accepting every invitation, and not caring if others live or die because I'm young enough to survive it.

I go where my state says it's safe to go, and I wear a mask. You said you are doing whatever you want.  Big difference. And your state is at 15%, mine is at 0.5%.  And I'll bet you don't wear a mask, either, am I right?

Your information about COVID is very wrong if you are looking at the CDC website. Please provide a legitimate source saying the US is near herd immunity.

GoingWicked's picture

Most people I know use common sense, they are adults and they know there is a pandemic.  At no point did I say I do not wear a mask, I simply said it isn't a cure all.  Being around people period spreads the disease, likely slower if wearing masks.  Social distancing doesn't do much other than keep people from touching, because the virus can hang around in the air, especially indoors.  

I live in a totally different place than you do, I'm guessing you're big city, with more interaction between people and less hospital capacity per resident, restrictions and limitations are not going to be the same.  We have never had a problem with hospital capacity at all. 

Herd immunity is my best why our numbers are going down, because things are opening up, people are moving around more and the numbers continue to downtrend.  To me, that's just pure logic.

tog redux's picture

Facts are what matter - facts.

Two people wearings masks decreases the spread considerably - almost to nothing if they are both wearing surgical masks. You have to be exposed for a certain period of time to get the virus, unmasked, so masks make a huge difference.

Rural areas are in worse shape for hospital capacity, you have it exactly backwards. Most rural areas don't have enough ICU capacity for the people who would need it if your numbers went up. Cities do have hospital capacity. 

Look back at the data - numbers are going down because people started wearing masks and increased restrictions were put into place in the areas where numbers were going up.

I'm not suggesting everyone stay home - but to say we can't contain it anyway so do what you want, is very flawed logic.  Just about every country in the world, and several states, have contained it very well, following easy, science based guidelines.  The US is an outlier, and that's because people resisted the restrictions that were needed and refused to wear masks.

GoingWicked's picture

Maybe in your state where masks were implemented too late.  Ours still kept going up, and I'm not sure what your news says everyone was and still is wearing masks, if there's a mandate, they don't let you in public places without one.  Though, I imagine the numbers would have been worse without.  People should not be using N95 masks, they should be reserved for the front lines, and it defeats the purpose if you reuse them. Even so, the N95 is the best but it still can't keep the virus completely contained.  

Rural areas have the boon of not having a commercial airport, hotels, tourist traps, and public transportation that easily spread the virus, plus they have spread out living conditions, they aren't breathing the same air as a neighbor, less moving around, since there are limited places to go, and the masks might not be as big of a factor.  Why not leave it up to the local communities to decide for themselves what would be best for them?

queensway's picture

I live in an rural area for 6 months every year. So just stop with that stuff. One plan for the whole country is what is going to help us. Local communities can't do a thing to stop this virus. It comes from the top. And everyone needs to be on board. Everyone.

tog redux's picture

Exactly, thank you. Unless you live on the moon, you can get and spread this virus, so why not all work together?

tog redux's picture

Huh? My state implemented a masking mandate very early on. VERY few states had mask mandates and I know your state was NOT wearing masks, and most likely still isn't.  Surgical masks are not N95 masks, and no, they can't keep it completely contained, but they decrease it significantly.

I bet your hospital has 6 ICU beds with 2 ventilators. If you are going around and taking all invitations to get together with friends, why are you saying people don't interact much in rural areas and so therefore can't spread it? If 10 people in your area need ventilators, some of them will have to be air-lifted to other hospitals.  And no, people can't decide for themselves because Americans are by and large idiots, and won't wear them for just the reasons that you said - "I'm young, I'll survive it, who cares?" and pass it along to their grandmothers because they don't believe it can affect them.

GoingWicked's picture

ROFL, I apologize I don't fit in the box you want to put me in.  Hate to break it to you, our state has a mask mandate.  Our numbers spiked post mask mandate, but now they're down trending.  Our hospitals probably didn't suffer because the mandate was in place, but masks do not stop the spread.

tog redux's picture

Nevada's mask mandate was on 6/24, after your numbers started going up.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/us/nevada-coronavirus-cases.html

And even after your mask mandate, there was "poor compliance":

https://thenevadaindependent.com/article/sisolak-poor-compliance-with-ma...

New York's was on 4/15, months earlier.

And since you said you trust the CDC:

https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2020/p0714-americans-to-wear-masks.html

GoingWicked's picture

New York Peaked out on cases the day they issued mandatory masks (so sorry but it was about a month behind).  Nevada didn't peak until mid July.  California Peaked mid July, both had mask mandates in June.

tog redux's picture

Yes, they were early to get hit and learned the hard way about masks. They also had one of the strictest reopening plans in the country - and our casinos STILL aren't open.  Too bad other states scoffed and thought they wouldn't get hit at all. Imagine if you'd had a mask mandate since April and didn't rush to open up everything - no peak at all.

GoingWicked's picture

Seriously?  You really think a mask is a magic virus zapper?  It's not, it's a barrier made to SLOW the spread, it doesn't STOP it.  If you truly want to stop it, people need to stay at home, and not share air with other people, but that's not feasible.  I get it, though I don't understand it, if believing something stops the boogie man makes you feel better emotionally, go with it.  Just don't force others to have the same beliefs.

tog redux's picture

No, you are right, it doesn't STOP it, but it sure does slow it down, quite a bit. Almost to nothing, if you also distance from other people. I'm not the one believing falsehoods here, but okay.  You keep believing it's just fine to do whatever you want because you are young and healthy and who cares if you infect others, because the virus can't be contained or traced, despite just about every country except us doing just that successfully. 

Anyway, I'm done. Leave your mask home and party on.

Sandybeaches's picture

"if believing something stops the boogie man makes you feel better emotionally, go with it.  Just don't force others to have the same beliefs."

It is more than a belief it is mandated in many or most states to wear a mask. The statistics in the number of cases have proven that wearing masks, staying home and not gathering , and when gathering is necessary social distancing works. Science is on our side.  And as Tog said look at New York.  New York had the highest infection rate in the country. Their Governor was the tuffest on guidelines, wearing masks, gatherings,  social distancing etc. and guidelines to re-open.  Look at New York now.  They have some of the best numbers or maybe the best in the country.  It is proven that flowing these guidelines  to slow the spread not cure it but help to slow it works!!    If New York doesn't prove it to you I don't know what could!  

 

GoingWicked's picture

I hardly think New York, and the death and destruction wrought because they failed to act sooner is a success story, they are near herd immunity in record time at the loss of so many unnecessary lives.  And now they can't open back up because their citizens are (rightly in my opinion, there has to be some PTSD involved) afraid of another jump in cases.  So they didn't act when appropriate, now they are actively ruining people's livelihood now that cases are as under control as they are probably going to get, given that airports and public transportation are open, to make sure everyone feels safe. 

Sandybeaches's picture

New York is a perfect example of .. WEARING MASKS AND FOLLOWING GUIDELINES WORK!!! 

First you are so sold on herd immunity, no where in this country or any other country that I have heard of have they reached it.  Depending whose definition you believe of herd immunity, I have seen it needs to be 90% down to as low as 45% but either way no where including New York have reached that. Most people that have had antibodies tests, the tests have come back negative which disproves your theory.  

Just because New York started later doesn't prove your theory, it actually proves that wearing masks and following stricter guidelines works to SLOW the spread not cure it.  No one ever said cure.  New York also has and is defined by New York City. NYS is the hub of travel from all over the world.  Most cases were in the city from what I followed and understand.  Correct me if I am wrong on any of my thoughts on NY Tog.  

While of course it is extremely upsetting and unfortunate that people have lost their jobs and livelihood, it is more disturbing that hundreds of thousands of people have lost their lives due to selfish careless people who can't wear masks and worry more about their rights than the lives of others.  If people wore masks, didn't gather unnecessarily and followed stricter guidelines it would be different. 

You are focused on the wrong thing as many are.  You are focused on the fact that the business is closed or school is closed who is going to watch the kids or they need in person interaction etc.... we know all of that however the reason things are closed has nothing to do with all of those things that are wrong because of it, the reason they are closed outweighs all of those things.  We are trying to stop a pandemic, slow the spread and save lives.  Finally I am happy to see this country doing something for the right reason instead of listening to people scream and giving in for the wrong reason.  No one wants things as they are but you are wrong New York proves that following simple guidelines does in fact work!!! Science is with us!!

Cover1W's picture

Herd immunity does not apply at this point to COVID, not in the least.  It's like saying 'let's rely on herd immunity for the measles' while we watch thousands get infected with an illness that can kill and disable (like COVID can) quickly when there's a prevention.

I work for a major health reseach organization which is a center of COVID research for the U.S. right now. In no way are our researchers advocating 'herd immunity' for this right now. They are advocating strict mask wearing, avoiding crowds and unnecessary socializing and staying home - STILL. Remember Italy? They ARRESTED people for leaving their homes without valid, authorized reasons. And they are doing well now. But everyone is braced for the fall/winter when it's expected to outbreak again.  Welcome to the pandemic world - nothing will be the same and it's dangerous to think it's all overblown.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/in-depth/herd...

However, there are some major problems with relying on community infection to create herd immunity to the virus that causes COVID-19. First, it isn't yet clear if infection with the COVID-19 virus makes a person immune to future infection.

Research suggests that after infection with some coronaviruses, reinfection with the same virus — though usually mild and only happening in a fraction of people — is possible after a period of months or years. Further research is needed to determine the protective effect of antibodies to the virus in those who have been infected.

Even if infection with the COVID-19 virus creates long-lasting immunity, a large number of people would have to become infected to reach the herd immunity threshold. Experts estimate that in the U.S., 70% of the population — more than 200 million people — would have to recover from COVID-19 to halt the epidemic. If many people become sick with COVID-19 at once, the health care system could quickly become overwhelmed. This amount of infection could also lead to serious complications and millions of deaths, especially among older people and those who have chronic conditions.

Floral_SM's picture

Wearing masks definitely stops the risks of the spread! Everyone working in the front line health wise wears masks. 
Question - If someone was infected and coughed in your face and you both weren't wearing a mask would you contract the virus? 
What if you both were wearing a mask? The risk of it spreading is all of a sudden lower, do you see? 
What if that infected person stood 1.5 metres away from you and coughed, rather than right next to you? Being further away from people and wearing the masks reduces the risk of the virus being near you.. do you see? It's about minimising the risk.
 

tog redux's picture

Apparently there are still people who believe masks don't work in the U.S.  That's why doctors and nurses wear them - they don't work. Just decorative.  /s

Sandybeaches's picture

Spot on and thank you!!  Whether people believe it or not the virus is a real thing and no it is not believing in protection from the boogie man to wear a mask.  What a ridiculous selfish thing to say!  

While my DH and I  may and only MAY be at higher risk, even if we weren't we stay home and don't attend events or go places needlessly because we care about others and we care about the spread of the virus.  It is called doing your part as a member of society!!  Gathering unnecessarily is just not the thing to be doing right now.  But we are the odd ones in the family.  My husband has lost an Aunt to Covid.  It is truly heartbreaking.  My best friend in Florida has 2 daughters who have had the virus and it has been more than 12 weeks and they both still have complications.  It is a very real thing!! And no one knows how it will effect them if they get it.  

Masks do work and not wearing one is broadcasting to the whole world  that the person only cares about themselves.  Every person that we encounter when we go out in the world, we have no idea what their life is like.  Maybe they care for an elderly parent or grandparent or have a premature baby at home. They may need their job and have to go out to work with no choice and then to be put at risk by selfish people who won't wear a mask.  

I can't find enough ways to say how selfish it is!

Thank you Tog for your perspective!!! 

Kes's picture

Your information is inaccurate.  All European countries, including Britain, shops, restaurants, museums etc are open, and our lockdown ended in early June.  Most other European countries ended theirs in May.  There have been local lockdowns since, but not national lockdowns. 

GoingWicked's picture

Actually I was thinking Asian countries, since Europe I believe was hit as hard as the US.  Though European lockdowns were more stringent.

tog redux's picture

Right - and many of them have more restrictions than the US states that still have a huge issue with it. Not every state/country has reopened theme parks and casinos, etc. 

queensway's picture

People like you need to be put on an island.

Kes's picture

We're not getting any invites and not issuing any, apart from a close friend's (outdoors) 70th birthday to whom only her adult kids  went, and the same friend with her husband, will be coming to supper on my birthday this week.  It is prohibited here in the UK to meet indoors in groups of more than 2 households, and outdoors in a group of more than 6 people from different households. 

Crspyew's picture

For the same reasons that you cite.   My DH is very high risk, my employer is very strict on enforcing quarantine and our area is slowly coming down but not to a level we feel comfortable with.  We just say no thank you and send a gift if appropriate.  We do socialize with my bios & their families but they are very careful and abide by all safety recommendations.  We generally do a visit in one of our driveway so we can be spread out.  I am already planning for a Thanksgiving dinner in our two car garage doors open and spread out.

this thing can be better managed if people would wear masks and practice social distancing and good hygiene.  There will be no herd immunity with this, on that I must agree with Tog.  I know people are impatient but maybe this is a sign we need to move away from the me me me events, have smaller more intimate weddings, go back to showers with immediate families, etc.  I too have a very religious acquaintance who believes god will protect her and if she gets COVID that was his plan for her.  No amount of logic could make her understand that her lack of precaution can have significant impact on me!  Needless to say I haven't seen her in person in months.  I am not even going to get into adult SD who believes this is all a hoax.  Her crackpot ideas have made holiday planning real easy this year.  No skids or grandkids!

 

shamds's picture

religious holidays.

they thought they would limit it to 2 siblings and their spouse kids etc coming which still meant each weekend there were at least over 10 people at home even in their hdigjt of the pandemic.

my state has had no community transmission for 4 months plus and we have hard border closures while hubby’s country in Asia has unrestricted movement for locals but they must social distance which no one is because “you know.... its family!!!”

just last week, over 20 of hubbys family went on a holiday to another state, no social distancing l, no mask wearing etc...

Just wait till 1 of them tests positive, i have no compassion for them right now with their stupidity and all. Their country has been blaming foreigners for the spread but they’re the idiots not social distancing and taking due diligence in minimizing risk.

since march i only go to grocery shop, go to pharmacy for meds or send

my daughter to school and that is it

Rags's picture

We have mostly been quarantined since early March.  With the exception of visiting my parents for a week, taking a tripto the outback of N. AZ, and having two friends visit us for a weekend each.

My parents have also been mostly quarantined so spending time with them is not much risk to either them or us..  One friend has been quarnatining though the otherone just came from a small family wedding.

IMHO it is a balance. We must re-energize our economy and progressively return to normalcy.  This disease, like the common cold, is here to stay.  Innoculations will eventually get it under some semblance of control much like the Flu shot has done with the Flu.

Those at risk will remain at risk.  I am one of them. 

Just my thoughts of course. 

 

 

ESMOD's picture

The answer really depends upon how "important" these people are... if it is someone very close to you, you might be more inclined to share a bit more of your reason for not attending.  If they are less close?  A simple "we cannot attend" and perhaps sending a small gift in your absence with a "wish we could have been there" note is fine.  If people are nosy and press you for more explanation.. ask them why they need to know..... 

Since the beginning of march, my DH and myself have been very isolated.  I can literally count on two hand the number of times over the last 8 months that we have eaten food that we did not prepare ourselves.  WE have eaten at a restaruant 2x in their outdoors area at the very edge of their seating.  We have gotten takeout maybe 4-5 times.  That is it.  Otherwise, it is weekly or every other week trips to the grocery store and we wear a mask.  I have not had my hair done since december last year.  I have not had nails done.  I have not had my teeth cleaned.. not gone to my obgyn.. not had my eyes checked.. no medical office visits period.  The only "socializing" we have done is sitting outside with maybe 6 different people at different times... we don't wear masks in these outdoor situations where we are generally 6 feet apart or further in a wide open outdoor space.  

It seems fairly clear that indoor... low ventilated spaces with a lot of close interaction with people (like a karaoke bar scenario.. a chorus practice) are the worst case situations.  Places where you would experience sustained aerosolization of people's expelled air.  Low risk would be outdoors with moving air that dispells and disperses the exhaled virus.  So, if you live where you share air handling with other apartments.. I think you probably would have more risk.  Airplanes obviously are seriously problematic.. as would be most public transportation.    

My employer has extended our absence from the office until early January.  It's clear that it is difficult to contain and protect people working indoors in close proximity.  Honestly, masks are likely not all that effective... the particles can easily pass through the majority of masks that people are using... dropletts may be contained but smaller particles... emissions from the sides and edges.. I know my masks aren't doing a whole lot.  I DO wear them.. if only for the politeness factor that people may believe I am attempting to do the right thing.  I am certainly not advocating that people should be out without any thought to precautions.  But, I think the best precaution is distance and air ventilation..

My personal feeling is that those that want a big wedding.. should really consider postponing until there is potentially a vaccine... or at least until there is more herd immunity.  I think it is fairly self centered to think that people will be comfortable with attending group celebrations at this point and if people decline the invitiation they should not be shamed for doing so.  We all have our own risks and concerns.

 

BethAnne's picture

No is a complete sentance. I would just decline the invitations. Send an RSVP that you are sad that you will not be attending, ask about any gift lists etc and say that you look forward to seeing the photographs. Don't give any excuses or explainations. 

If you are asked why you are not attending and feel that you need to give a reason, then I would probably just say that your doctor has recomended that you stay away from gatherings due to your health issues. Or something else that doesn't go into the covid, masks vs no masks discussion, local infecton rates or if gatherings should be held at all.

sandye21's picture

The state I live in is 'blue' - due to two large cities.  Otherwise, in the smaller communities like I live in, there are STILL composed of people who insist on shopping, eating out, etc., without any protection what-so-ever.  They demonstrate on street corners, no masks for them!, some with M-16s.  Our Governor even put out a mask mandate.  Odd thing though - more and more of the 'no-maskers' are getting sick, some dying - and that is what it takes:  More and more former 'no-maskers' are seen silently shopping in the store with a mask on.  The truth is coming out.

The sad thing is that I am getting more and more callus with every no-mask demonstration.  I am now having a hard time finding pity for self-inflicted wounds and selective Darwinism.

Sandybeaches's picture

Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas!!!

As a follow up, DH and I decided against going to any of the parties.   2 of these parties occurred over the last few weeks both were DH's family.  DH's family has been having parties and get together's right along through the entire Pandemic.  They do not understand why we do not come but totally blame me and think it is me not DH.  They think I stop him from going when the truth is DH doesn't like to go to parties or get together's long before the virus was a thing.  

So as I said we declined the invite without much info except saying DH had to work which he did.  We send a VERY generous gift in a card.   Today a thank you note arrives in the mail.  The thank you note is addressed just to DH.  The original invitation was made out to both of us and the card we sent to the party was signed by both of us.  I was quite surprised.  We have received invites and thank you notes from these people before so I do not feel it is accidental.  I feel it is a deliberate dig at me because they think it is my fault DH does not attend which is SO far for the truth!! 

I handed it to DH with his other mail I brought in and said oh this is for you and he says what is it?  I said I don't know he looks at the return address and says oh it is so and so and hands it to me to open and I said it is not addressed to me.  He just looked at me ... and set it down.  It remains unopened and probably will.  

Now do you think I have it right and it was a deliberate dig? 

BethAnne's picture

I might be tempted to check the wording inside the note/card to verify it wasn't just addressed to your husband on the envelope but to both of you inside. 

But...I wouldn't get your hopes up