Breaks & No Help From DH
I'm a SM of a 5 year old SS. I love him and enjoy spending time with him. He is a hand full and very busy. I also have 17 year old DD so I'm at the opposite end if the spectrum with both of my children.
My DH will often ask for extra time with our son during breaks (Christmas & summer) BUT is NOT here to help care for him during the extra time he asked for because he has to work. DH doesnt always ask if this is ok with me and assumes that I dont have other plans or that I might actually want to just relax and do nothing during this extra time he requested with our son.
I care for my ss during this extra requested time and my DH is at work or home and he does NOTHING! I resent this because I think it's absolutely inconsiderate. I've mentioned to him several time that he needs take time off from work to help this extra time he requests.
Seeking insight on how to deal with this.
I personally have never
I personally have never looked after the Skids when partner hasn't been about. they are older though so they tend to entertain themselves until he gets back. if they were younger I still don't think partner would even contemplate having the kids when he wasn't there, and I don't even think BM would want me to, she would rather look after them herself. but then she only lives up the road so is easier for the kids to go backwards and forwards.
Make plans next time he arranges to have his son when he's not going to be about.
Thanks for the insight... all
Thanks for the insight... all of you answers are on point. Sueu2 to answer your question--why did I need people to tell me this... Because when I mention this to him he uses the "if you don't want to be bothered with my child..." tactic. Then I feel like it's not that I don't want to be bothered but I don't appreciate you not asking if I want to be bothered or asking if I have plans for those extra days. It makes me look like the villian and that I don't care about his son. I care about him and he can ask for the extra time ONLY if he is going to be here to deal with him ALL DAY OR if he sees if it's ok with me. It is just assumed that I want to deal with ss on those extra days and that I don't have nothing to do. Since my requests are going unnoticed then I have no choice but to make myself scarce since he doesn't seem to get it! I just needed to hear that I'm not crazy or that I'm not a heartless bitch becasue I don't want to deal with the extra time if DH is not here to help or deal with his son all on his own cause that's what he tries to make me feel like.
Well, it's not your child so
Well, it's not your child so no reason you should have to be bothered if you don't want to. If he said that to me, I would reply, "Thank you for understanding. I trust you will now make other arrangements."
Why is he asking for extra days if he is not even going to be there?
You are not a heartless bitch or a villain, he just wants you to feel that way, it's called guilt. Just because we are with men who have children doesn't mean we want to be the ones parenting them. They are not our responsibility.
I chose not to have children, I certainly don't want to have to take care of someone else's, especially without even being asked.
Tell him first that the whole
Tell him first that the whole point of the boy visiting Daddy is to spend time with Daddy. Mommy can hire a babysitter if that was the intent.
Tell him this is your final conversation on the subject. If he leaves the boy with you without consulting with you at least one week in advance you will take the boy back to his mother and he can re-deal with her for extra time. If necessary do it.
You can enlarge the scope of that if you wish to include any regular visitations such as weekends that he is working or golfing. Again the point is for the boy to be with Dad on weekends - not you.
Read the article and it was
Read the article and it was GOOD!!! I have saved it and will revisit it whenever I start to feel unappreciated and taken for granted. Let the disengaging begin!!!
Thanks and happy new year to you Sueu2.