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Biomom In Denial about SS Drug Habit

smsmtk's picture

I have 3 stepchildren and three with my husband. Two of the sk have made it to college relatively unskathed and stable - we have had custody for several years and had 50/50 prior to that. One of my sk has exhibited signs of a serious drug problem - you know started with the experimentation with pot & drinking and we are certain he has progressed from there. Since we have custody, the behavior has been directly observed by my husband and myself but since biomom doesn't see him all the time, she doesn't believe us. I am truly concerned that he will slide into something more dangerous and we will truly lose him. As it is, he runs there everytime we try to get him help. She believes his problems are due to ADD (several tests do NOT confirm that diagnosis), and will no longer speak to us and is hiding him at her home. All forms from programs require the signatures of both parents or a court document granting our ability to commit over her objection. Our fear is if we go to court, she will tell him and he will take off. THis child has been with me since he was 4 and is now a junior in h.s. I love him more than anything and don't want to see his life be thrown away. Has anyone dealt with anything like this? We are desperate.

happy mom's picture

Are you definate child has a drug problem? Do you have proof? Have you sat him down and talk about it? If yes you know he has a drug problem and biomom won't do anything or don't believe you. I would take the case to court to get her to sign papers to get him into a drug program. Have you tried talking to a drug rehab counselor to help you with this situation, perhaps they have suggestions. Or what about drug testing? Good luck.

smsmtk's picture

We are certain that he has a problem as we have been watching the progression for over a year. Caught smoking pot, dealing pot, stealing money and now exhibiting signs of cocaine habit. His sister was also warned by mutual friends when she got home from college about the extent of his problems. How often do other teens worry about experimentation with drugs and partying? We have talked to him on multiple occassions and at this point conversations are fruitless.
One concern about going to court is that biomom will alert him and he will run. We have full residential and joint legal custody. When we went through a custody dispute in the past, she would make the children read statements signed against us under the guise of "reassuring" the kids that they would not be separated from her. Really, judgment is not her strongpoint.
It's not been a week and we have not be able to see or speak to him. She screens all calls as does he and won't answer her door or email. We know she has contacted the school and expressed to them that he has ADD and that he needs a program but she refuses to deal with us. Anyway, we're researching programs so that we will be prepared if there is break in the impasse.