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Anyone have DH that is also fed up with SK?

Dogmom1321's picture

I feel like a lot of DH on here live in denial, put the child first, etc. etc. Any DHs out there that are also totally fed up with SKs antics? Last few days DH has been very vocal about his disdain.

Last Saturday, DH rushed around to make sure SD10 had a costume. Went to the store, looked on Amazon, etc. Well he finally got the costume JUST in time before trick-or-treating started. All he got was complaints "It's too tiiiiight" "I didn't think it would look like this." etc. etc. Nothing but ungrateful comments. I told DH she did the SAME last year with me. SHE decided she wanted to be a skeleton, then pouted the entire Trick-Or-Treating experience saying it "looked weird". That's why I tapped out this year and said, "nope, your turn!"

DH agreed and said "She's never satisfied, never grateful, a spitting image of her mother." Wow, I mean that was pretty harsh, but also the truth. He didn't say it to SD, but have to say I totally agree. It's also refreshing that DH is starting to see where I"m coming from. He definitely wouldn't have had that reaction last year. She has also been incredibly rude to him lately too. So he has seen first hand. 

Example, last night at dinner SD10 was complaining why she had to go to school this week and why he opted for her to go on "optional days" for extra assistance. "You're forcing me to do this and I didn't sign myself up for this." DH explained she constantly has missing assignments and doesn't do her work. She continues to argue. I think since DH is experiencing SD directly rather than me telling him "hey, this is what happened with SD" he has been in less denial. 

Anyways, question is. Any other DH out there also fed up? What do you do? I'm continuing to disengage. DH has taken away all technology, but we will see if this has any effect or not. Thoughts?

tog redux's picture

Yes, mine has never had rose-colored glasses when it came to SS.  Now that's he's almost 21 and still a complete failure to launch (from BM's - DH is not an enabler), he has even lost hope for him. He used to at least have some hope.  We haven't seen him in 9 months or so, by DH's choice - first due to COVID, but we are pretty low around here and he still chooses not to see him.  He's a total disappointment to DH and he doesn't mind saying that at all. He does text with him here and there.

As for my part? I usually agree with his assessment of SS.

Zen mode's picture

We've had many head shaking moments in regards to his kids. The contrast is amplified in how easy my own adult kids are to plan things with. It's mostly one instigator in his but then they take turns being a-holes to keep us on our toes. 

Stepmama2321's picture

OT - why do men wait until the last min to do things like purchase their child's costume?! My SO did the same thing this year and luckilyyy found one that fit. Your SD costume probably was too small. 

Dogmom1321's picture

Because BM bailed two days before and said "BTW I have to work, can she stay with you?" Putting DH in a pickle. She 100% wears short-shorts that were WAY smaller than her costume. It was totally fine. I just think she had changed her mind about what she wanted to be but is incapable of saying "thank you for trying".

advice.only2's picture

Good for you on the disengagement, most Disney Dads begin to find their offspring less than enjoyable when they have to actually start parenting them.
As for the Halloween costumes, let her make her own costume next year, that way of she complains it's all on her.

Thisisnotus's picture

Yep! I can tell that DH is over SD13s crap. He isnt real interested anymore and it just looks like an act when she is at the house.....she is more of a chore...with the not spending the night and having to be picked up and dropped off each day....an hour round trip each time..and I think she annoys him......

he would never say it but I can tell that he views her as a stressor and as a huge pain.

 

justmakingthebest's picture

It was pretty crazy but my DH actually admitted SS16 is just average. There is nothing special about him.

He was a little tipsy, we got a hotel room out of town and were ubering to breweries but SS came up in conversation. He basically said that if SS chooses to stay in the shit-hole town he lives in he will never amount to anything. That it's a joke that he is 2nd in his class... of 14. Not taking a single AP or advanced course. Hell, he is a 10th grader in geometry. He isn't doing anything special. He is a big fish in a puddle. It's not even a pond there. He would be nothing here. He would disappear. His real mediocracy would be shown- and better yet he knows it. 

 

shamds's picture

Only for them to cancel last minute and not have the balls to tell him and its meant he missed out on spending time with us because we are overseas (me and our 3 & 4 yr old). 

i told hubby skids all have repeated history of changing plans last minute till i told hubby we were not changing our plans for them any longer since they're such inconsiderate arseholes, if we have plans, then tough shit!!

they don't join us because of how disrespectful and unpleasant they are and we certainly do not accomodate their needs or changes when we have 2 young kids aged 3 & 4 now. Its about bloody time they learnt to get their shit together

Dogmom1321's picture

Good for you guys! I 100% agree that SKs shouldn't affect plans you already have or even your own kids. If you already have something going on and they can't join in, so be it! 

 

Rags's picture

There was a couple of events with SS when he was in his late mid to late teens when his mom had had enough of and was fed up with him.  To her credit, she took the gloves off rather than coddling which seems to be the prevailing parenting tactic your DH uses.

She/we shipped him off to Military School for his last two years of HS, and when the SpermIdiot hacked the school fire wall and SS and his dipshitiot of a SpermDad gamed all night nearly every night and SS flunked the one class in the first semester of Sr. year that he needed to graduate on time she yanked him home, put her foot up his butt, and rode him hard to graduate on time from our local HS which required an extra 5 classes in addition than what was required at the military boarding school.  He had to do both Sr. Eng 1 (the class he failed) and Sr. Eng 2 as well as two career track courses and a Sr. project that was actually started at Winter break of Jr. year.  He had 6wks to complete an 18mo project and had the 4 other classes.  To cap the application of the boot to his butt we took him on a weekend visit to the homeless camp to introduce him to his future neighbors if he did not graduate on time.  Thata scared the crap out of that kid and he nailed it.  He graduated on time and with honors.

If your DH does not get this figured out... it will do nothing but get worse for the next dozen or so years you may only be at the beginning of a looooong Skid raising hell.

We were fortunate, the challenging Skid behavior drama did not show up in our 16+ year Skid rasing adventure until the last few years.

Good luck.