advice
Ok...I have three bio kids from a previous marriage and we have one son together ...so I have 4 bio kids and he has one son from a previous marriage who is 6 years old. We have SS6 every second weekend from Friday-sunday as well as every Monday/Wed/Friday night every week. The problem is this kid stresses me out so badly...I don't hate him...I can't hate a child...but I really have a hard time liking him...and I know I don't love him. I cringe every time I know he's coming over. He is the grosses kid...always picking his nose and wiping it all over the walls/furniture or eating it...picking the dirt out of his toes and eating it...lies about everything possible and lies to try to get the bio kids in trouble by making up stuff. Has ZERO manners ....I unfortunately find it really hard right now to deal with this. And to top it off...DH's sister and brother and niece all party with BM who's a crazy bitch and they would tell me how much they hated her and thank god she's gone...now they all party and post the pics on facebook for me and DH to see....I'm ready to walk rather than deal with all this...
Block the nonsense on FB. You
Block the nonsense on FB. You don't need 'friends' like this. If you hurt feelings of DH's sister, brother and niece, tough sh*t.
Next. Why isn't DH dealing with the crude behavior of his son? The child is in school during and school year and then spend a big share of his evenings in Dad's home. Picking nose and smearing? Dad needs to put a stop to this immediately. He can't blame BM his son picks nose and smears when Dad is as much around the influential hours of parenting himself. Dirt in toes and eating it? No words I'm simply cringing on that one. Sit down and discuss with the kid's father that he needs to step up on this crap. This little guy isn't only in your home a couple days twice a month, he's there regularly. DH has to parent this child.
On the lying. Kids lie. Kids pit kid against kid. Now ask DH what he intends to do about it. Does SS get consequences for the lying? If the kids when all together in the evenings and weekends can't get along, separate them. Give them a craft or game or some type of activity to do at a table where you can see exactly who is doing what. You get the idea...if they can't play off out of sight together without fighting or lying about what's going on, don't let them go off and play or whatever together. They can all do homework or sit in livingroom and watch a movie or whatever you/DH feel is workable.
thanks for the feedback.. I
thanks for the feedback..
I deleted them off fb Ive done it before then she guilted me so I put her back on...not happening this time. DH doesn't know what to do with the crude behavior...doesn't seem to matter to him what we do...hes had to wash walls/furniture doesnt care...walks upstairs ten min later blood on fingers/nose..from picking...boogers on the toiletpaper yesterday on the roll hanging for someone to use...I asked him if he did it...yup...no switch in him for right/wrong...he has a wicked temper I don't trust him around my 6 month old at all...its starting to kill our relationship tbh...I would be so happy never seeing ss again...sad but true.
Delete off FB. Hey, all kids
Delete off FB.
Hey, all kids can stress you out, be honest. Even your "perfect" little bios.
You married this man and brought another child into this mix KNOWING he had a little boy. To just up and bail and disrupt all of these children's lives because you "can't deal" is one of the most selfish things I've heard.
Be a grown up and figure it out. He's a 6 year old little boy. OF COURSE he's gross. Hand him a tissue if he picks his nose. He lies? All kids lie. He should be disciplined for lying.
"because you "can't deal" is
"because you "can't deal" is one of the most selfish things I've heard."
That seems a little harsh. She just needs to vent about how stressed she is
Deleting EVERY social media
Deleting EVERY social media account I had (SO did the same)...was the BEST decision I EVER made. People use FB just to hurt people these days. It's a sad world we live in where people have nothing better to do than to be nosy in other peoples' lives and to spread rumors. Trust me, I've tried to send SO back to his kids and family. It's a hard life. I've been tempted to throw in the towel MANY times. However, I love him, and he loves me. My children love him, and it is reciprocated. Everyone deserves to be happy. Choose love. Always. And btw, little boys are GROSS. lol. Hang in there. If you love him, don't walk away from him.
Where do your other kids
Where do your other kids live?
Maybe when it's his time to visit his dad, you can go and have girl's night out or go see a movie, go to the library or something. Take a break from the grossness, you know? After all you're not his mom, are you his babysitter?
my four bio kids all live
my four bio kids all live with me full time..I have custody of my three from my ex. I never claimed my bio's are perfect but my ex and I are on the same page with raising them which makes life easier. I understand little boys are gross.....I have two bio...HOWEVER...never ...ever do they pick their nose and wipe on the furniture/walls or eat it...eat whatever they pick out of their toes...yes they play in mud...pick up bugs..I get it...his is just extreme. BM never bathes the kid...so I try to all the time. His evil side scares me to be honest and I think it's going to get worse because BM is not on the same page and DH thinks he's an angel that can do no wrong. I did however make him change his brothers poopy diaper today after wiping shit all over the toilet paper on the roll for the next people and all over the tank...why...because he doesn't know it just "happened". He was made to clean it...then change his brothers dirty diaper since he likes being gross...he was mad because it was "gross". To those who think I'm just being selfish I was actually thinking my bio kids have to deal with this crap all the time and their mom completely stressed out...me walking might be for me as well as them. I'll be honest what's kept me here is the son we have together...I dont' trust SS with the visitation with my son with my DH...
so if you tell your husband
so if you tell your husband that his son is picking his nose, he does what? or do you automatically go eeewwwww?
Going eewwwwwwwwww (and if the other kids laugh) might just make him stop, or at least realize he needs to quit that addiction! Lol
Your SS seems to be at your home a lot, you're strong for putting up with that lol hopefully your DH gets more involved.
Saving your sanity is NOT a
Saving your sanity is NOT a selfish decision. Even on the airlines they tell you to put your oxygen on first. Your children deserve to have a mother that is not beat down.
Staying around when it literally is driving you crazy is just as stupid as staying with an abusive husband "for the kids' sake". Your children deserve to be raised in a healthy home.
Now hopefully it can be resolved before it gets to that stage. But don't let anyone guilt you into staying in a toxic situation because some idiot tells you it is "selfish" to divorce. I hope you can make it work.
A friend of mine was raised in a religion that absolutely refuses to acknowledge divorce. Her DH cheated over and over but she stayed. When he divorced her (you don't get a choice in a no fault state) she was ostracized by the religious sect and her parents - shunned. For something that she could not control. Don't let yourself get backed in a corner by guilt.