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16 year old

ladybug1974's picture

HI do you think a 16 year old should have a summer job ? other then watching his 9 year old brother ? he is made to to that thus far, he will be 17 this year and i think its important for him to get a summer job for many reasons . 

 

stepmomnorth's picture

I've had a summer job since I was 10 years old working in the field. I cannot speak highly enough of the benefits for teenagers to have a summer job. Keeps them busy and out of trouble. Gives them real life experience with coworkers and bosses and teaches work ethic. And the obvious, saving and spending money! I have always spoken to my children about teen jobs in a very positive and enthusiastic way. Outlining all of the benefits. It's good in so many ways. I loved having a job as a teenager. 

ladybug1974's picture

I agree with you , my son also had a job when he was 15 hes now 25, i was just wondering if things have changed ?  for some reason he has no give to get a job ,, lazy ? video games ? his x tends to dump the 9 year old on him all the time, 

Rags's picture

of college.

I made a crap ton of money teaching swimming lessons and coaching competitive swimming.  It is incredible what parents, particularly parents in the Middle East, will pay to get rid of their kid for an hour.  $30/hr per kid, 5-10 kids in a class. Those were the days.  All day at the pool, young ladies all over the place, making money.

Yes, 16yo should have a summer job.  Just to get them out of the house and out of their parent's hair.

Ispofacto's picture

Kids don't want to launch or get jobs because life at home is too cushy.  They get all the clothes, games, snacks, and entertainment cash they want.  In the 70s and 80s, the adults bought the bare minimum of everything, and if we wanted more, we had to work for it.

 

caninelover's picture

Summer jobs have many benefits but from your prior posts your DH doesn't really enforce any rules, set any boundaries or expectations on SS.  So my guess is he'll likely goof off all summer.

You have a DH problem, not a SS problem.  You should disengage from his upbringing but your real hill to die on should be at what age SS is expected to launch - and that is the sit-down you need to have with DH.

ladybug1974's picture

yes aggreed, after high school if he doesnt have a job at 18 we dicussed not having him for sleep overs, he can visit of coarse i would never say no, but the sleep overs have to stop , i wont have some lazy bum sitting on the couch all weekend just eating and doing nothing, not going to happen 

Evil4's picture

Hi, fellow BCer here. You and I both know that there are restaurants, retail shops, etc. closing or limiting their hours because they can't get enough staff members. It's a job seeker's paradise out there. People paying above minimum wage so they don't lose their businesses. It's unfortunate that your SS isn't inclined to take advantage of the opportunities available and that your SO doesn't seem to give a flying one about his kid acquiring skills and experience to add to his resume. However, these Disney dads are way more concerned about making their precious poopsies happy. They make all kinds of excuses as to why they can't parent their kids. Your SO will likely say that he needs SS available for babysitting. You and I both know he doesn't because our lovely province has all kinds of cool day camps where even the 9 year old can learn some things and get socialization. Our province has probably one of the most relaxed restrictions so we have freedom to take advantage of job openings and day camps of various sorts for kids. However, your SO's parenting just doesn't align with yours. I read your previous post and given that your SO comes up with excuses to allow his son to get away with treating you like crap by ignoring you in your home, I doubt he'll issue any other requirements for his kids any time soon. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

I started working at 12 babysitting. After that a host of many part time throughout high school. It got me out of my chaotic home, and taught me work ethic, team work, responsibility, and saving money! 

The trouble with so many youngins today they lack the feeling of accomplishment, the pride of being part of society and contributing. Teens NEED this.

So yes SS17 should pound the pavement. Surely he is capable of saying "Do you want fries with that"

Someoneelse's picture

It was difficult to find my kids a job, so many places won't hire minors these days due to legal reasons. Not to say it's not possible, they were able to find jobs, it's just difficult. 

Someoneelse's picture

Lol i helped look, they actually found their own jobs, i just helped look... sorry for the confusion

Rags's picture

I am sure that they appreciate the support and guidance while being proud that they successfully found jobs.

Someoneelse's picture

They are indeed proud! My younger daughter has been a swimmer all her life, on the neighborhood team as well a high school team, now she's a coach at a highly regarded swim school, and her boss tells her all the time that she's the best coach she's got, and she's the highest paid coach there.  This is also the daughter that may be going away for college, if she doesn't and stays, then she'll continue working at the swim school throughout college. 

My older daughter is in a cosmetology program at school, and she's working at really nice hair salon as a hair washing assistant (once she gets her license she can get promoted to hair dresser), but there is a bridal shop that does hair AND makeup that she has her eye on as well. She could make more money there, and her passion is makeup more than hair, so she MAY keep an eye out for openings there once she gets her license.

Rags's picture

It sounds like your youngest and I have quite a bit in common. I swam competitively from 5yo through my second year at university.  I did well in AAU swimming during our 4 years in the US 74-78, then did well internationally when my family returned overseas.  Summers were teaching swimming lessons and doing focused competitive coaching while I trained for HS and then college swim seasons. 

What really gave me an advantage was that my first coach, 4yo-11yo (68-74) was an Olympian on the Australian team in the mid 60s. The US Embassy hired her as the Embassy team coach.   I had a blast and was extremely passionate about competitive swimming through my childhood and early adulthood.

How refreshing to have you and your girls as a positive example in what is far too often a less than positive environment.

 

Thank you.

Cover1W's picture

YES it's a good thing!  However it's a losing proposition if the parents don't agree.

Mine do not work one itota ever on anything. And they will never be required to get a job - so said DH.

So summers are spent by my ignoring all that YSD does or does not do. DH seems flummoxed by other teens her age (16) who have jobs.

TrueNorth77's picture

I would die. This is one of those things I would have a hard time keeping quiet about. 

ndc's picture

I think it depends on the circumstances. I didn't have a summer job at 16 and my parents didn't want me to. I had sports camp for several weeks, summer was when we took a family vacation (and places hiring teens for the summer in my area didn't give you a couple weeks off), and my parents wanted me to drive my younger sister to some activities.  It was inconvenient for them for me to work, and they were willing and easily able to give me spending money.  I did have a job for a few hours after school during the school year when I was 17, though.  Not every kid has transportation to a job, some kids have responsibilities for younger siblings, pets or other chores at home, and sometimes the only jobs available are ones parents would prefer the kid not take for one reason or another. The financial wherewithal of the family comes into play, too.

I do think jobs are good experience for a teen, though. 

Rags's picture

I did not have jobs in HS except in the summer.  I attended boarding schools on a different continent from where my family lived.  I did work once I started University. During the semester I mounted tires.  During the summers I went home and coached swimming.  For the first two years of college anyway. 

After that I worked full time for the next 6 years I worked full time and attended school either full time or part time depending on my work load and class availability.

My DW worked all through HS. Slinging dipped ice cream cones at DQ.  She also worked multiple jobs her Freshman year of college.  She was an admin at a non profit food bank, and at two medical offices all while being a single teen mom and full time university student.

I have many friends who never worked until they finished their undergrad studies.   For a variety of reasons.

Circumstances do matter.

 

CLove's picture

Yeah, SD23 has no job suposedly, no license to drive and no car. But I snooped online and last week she was in vegas celebrating her 23rd bday, living her best life. She has lost more jobs in 2 years than I ever had in my entire career.

Sd15/16, she came to me all excited about getting a job. I asked her "so for the weekends? She replied with "no I want my weekends to myself"...I asked "Oh so for like during the summer?" She replied with "noooooooo I want my summer off...(insert pregnant pause) to which I lamely asked "ok soooooo when/where were you thinking?" Equally lamely "well, like I can walk from school and its after school but before pickup, like an in between shift...or something".

(hidden face palm) "ok sweety sounds good".

This time is so unique in that she might just be able to get that 1-2 hour shift in between places are so desperate for people right now.

ESMOD's picture

I guess I would want more information about what exactly their schedule is like and what other things they may have going on.. summer sports workouts or whatever.  

Certainly a summer job can be a great way for kids to learn skills and just plain get along with people who are not their immediate family or peers in school.  It teaches them some responsibility and it can allow them to save for goals.. college.. whatever.

But, you mention watching the 9 yo.. what would the plan be for that?  I mean, I actually would think it is a bit unfair if the boy had to watch his 9 yo sibling all day long (I know it may not be hard work but he can't leave and has that as a responsibility).. and then expect him to toodle off to do another 6 hours of a shift at a restaurant... he may want to go see friends.. get out of the house or whatever.  and if he is watching his sibling.. I would assume he is being paid since the alternative would be to hire someone? If he otherwise has some other activities.. like sports.. and then plus watching the sibling... maybe a job is a bit overkill.. 

But.. agaiin.. I have had jobs of some sort what seems like my whole life.. I did odd jobs for neighbors when I was in grade school if I needed money for something.. and got a paper route at 11.. then onwards from there.. sometimes had multiple jobs in HS in addiiton to being on sports teams etc.. 

So.. who watches the 9 yo if he is working?  

ladybug1974's picture

The mother doesnt pay him to watch his brother, he is always stuck with him, i have no clue how it would work if he got a job , why cant she put the 9+ year in camp like a normal person no clue poor kid is always atuck watching his  brother 

ESMOD's picture

Well, it sounds like the kid has an unpaid job then.   If this is his mother's option for child care.. and she can't afford to send the kid to camp?  it sounds like the boy DOES have a job then...even if it is inside the home. 

Your  husband can't make his kid get another job if it conflicts with his responsibilities in the other home.

Rags's picture

BM cannot expect the Skid to be her at home beck and call boy/day care during dad's COd time.

One of those Catch 22 situations I suppose.

ESMOD's picture

No.. she can't.. but it would be hard for him to get a job just on dad's time if his schedule with dad is EOWE.. or something like that..   Or 5050 could even be somewhat of an issue.  

I was assuming that all the 9yo watching was happening during BM's custody time.. and that she had majority custody.

ladybug1974's picture

she most def can afford camp ect she makes over 160,000 a year and lives with her spouse that makes proably 2 times that, he owns 2 clinics, she just uses her older son and doesnt let him life his life, he is awalys stuck with the younger one, always . 

Mominit's picture

Likely because camps are expensive. And she has an older sibling ready and available to help.  Especially if she shares 50/50 custody or less, she has to figure out care for at least half the summer.  If she allows the older sibling to get a job that could mean she has to find camp for every week of the summer.  That can be crazy expensive.  Maybe in her mind he's learning other skills (preparing lunches, prepping dinner, tidying around the house, child minding), and helping out the family by allowing her to work without incurring the fees of camps and babysitters.  Maybe in future years she'll feel more able to leave the younger sibling unattended?

It sucks.  I'm sure SS would love to earn his own money.  Perhaps he could get a very part time job (only a few hours a night after BM gets home) to earn a job.  But with the full time responsibility of child care, it seems a lot to require a full time job as well!

Rags's picture

While I get family cirumstances, the days are long past when parents bred farm laborers. Kids should not have their time at any particular age invaded by a kid of a different age.  Parenting is the job of parents, not sibs.

ladybug1974's picture

i agree 1000000 percent, i feel really bad for the older one, they totally screwed him up. 

Kaylee's picture

Yeah there's no reason a 16 yo can't have a holiday job. 

Both my boys had after school/holiday jobs from age 11, starting with newspaper and pamphlet deliveries, then a few years later, fast food or supermarket jobs. 

They both worked full time in the uni holidays too. 

Contrast this to ex SD who NEVER lifted a finger at working at any holiday job whatsoever. Mind you if Daddy is paying for everything and giving you money, you're not going to be motivated to do anything....

justmakingthebest's picture

Yes, at 16 they should probably not only have a summer job but something 1-2 days after school and on the weekends during the school year. Work ethics have to be taught and there are no free passes in life. 

I also think teens should have some "skin in the game" when it comes to driving. Paying a portion of insurance or car payment and their gas should be yet another reason they need a job. 

TrueNorth77's picture

This is exactly what we make SS15 do now, and SD12 will do the same. So glad my DH and I agree on this. 

TrueNorth77's picture

Absolutely. In fact, we have skids get jobs starting at 14, and not just for the summer (SS worked at McDonalds, and SD will be 13 soon- she babysits for nieces/nephews, but will get a more solid job once she's 14). DH and I both worked even before 14, and we both agree nothing but good can come from it. Skids almost never have homework and their school activities are very limited, so working during the school year is extremely do-able also. Otherwise they are literally in their rooms watching Tik-Tok or playing video games from 3:30pm until bedtime, which is ridiculous. They can still work and do well in school, just like DH and I did. SS is making $, has made a few friends at work, and it has been all positive. 

On the flipside, one of my close friends who has kids that are now 19 and 21 did not make her kids work in high school, and instead had them focus on sports and school- she is regretting it and wishes she had them get jobs. They are struggling to keep a job, have no work experience or work ethic and expect it to be all fun and games and quit when it isn't, have no $ saved and are constantly bleeding her dry. 

ladybug1974's picture

I agree ,, i feel like he wants wants everthing handed to him like he is a prince or something. 

Someoneelse's picture

These skids are notorious for expecting EVERYTHING to be handed to them.  But if it always has been handed to them, why would they expect it to change? 

Rags's picture

Most don't work in HS, even those who successfully graduate from college get smacked in the face when they get their first pay check and 20% is missing.  They don't know how to pay bills (rent, utilities, cell phone, etc...).

Even my amazing, buitiful, brilliant and successful niece had adulting slap her in the face when she graduated with her BBA.  It did not take her long to figure it out but the stories my brother would share during our commute conversations regarding his daughter's adult awakening were hillarious.  His eldest son (#2 of three spawn) was ahead of the curve because he had saved quite a bit of money during HS and understood the basics during his university years.  My youngest nephew is in his Jr. year of college.  He seems to be more in line with his elder brother than his elder sister regarding the adulting knowlege.

My Skid went cold Turkey, one day he as on the mom and dad payroll, and the next day he started basic training.  His several years of training, etc... gave  him some accelleration time to figure out adulting, that and his CPA mom and I were coaching him.  We are proud that at 29 (5mos from 30) he has far more invested than his mom and I did when I was that age.  Like, wayyyyyyyy more.

Many parents these days do their kids such a disservice in this arena. Coddling will wipe out economies if we are not very careful. Many of those invariably failed adults will be banging on parental doors looking to get in from the cold.

ESMOD's picture

i actually find that it's very necessary to understand the context in which these kinds of questions are asked.

Should a 16 yo get a job?  Sure.. it's a great enriching experience and a way to learn responsibility and earn your own money.

HOWEVER.. that assumes that it's possible for the kid to work... that there are jobs within a reasonable proximity.. that the kid has the ability to get himself to a job.. or that someone is going to be willing to take him to the job.  Public transportation is just not available in all areas (the US is very geographically diverse and there are areas that are very rural where centers of commerce require you to have transportation to reach them.. ).  It assumes he doesn't have other responsibilities that would make working a job difficult (like having to watch his younger brother when school's out for his mom that works full time)... Or has extra curricular activities that would make scheduling difficult.  Then there is the relative maturity level of the kid and any limitations they may have.. it may not be as "easy" for every kid to hit the pavement for gainful employment.

And.. I'm talking about this from the POV of someone that worke a LOT as a young kid.. and teen.  I took public transportation when I was 12 years old (without my mom's knowledge) where I had to change busses a few times to go to try to get a job at a lesson barn.. (did not get the job.. shocker when a 12 yo shows up alone.. haha). I bagged groceries.. I worked in an office.. I worked in a restaurant... I was not lazy.. but I can see there can be barriers to kids being able to work.. and this kid sounds like to an extent he may have some issues due to his babysitting obligations to his mom.  Oh..and skids can have it more difficult if their parents live far apart making getting to a central job difficult.

AND>>>>>>  I would suggest that this is an issue that for the most part... a stepparent needs to stay clear of beyond a small comment of "do you think SS would like to get a job sometime so he could earn his own money.  His parents are the ones that should want this for their kid.. but whether the kid works or not??? that really shouldn't impact the stepparent.. and it's a decision for his parents to make.

There are much bigger fish to fry in stepland than whether a 16 yo gets a job.  

 

Rags's picture

We moved right after he graduated from HS.  There was no public transportation where we moved to.  There were no employers within walking distance. So, he was our beck-and-call boy/chore bitch.  He worked, though he was not employed.

Context does matter. For sure.

ladybug1974's picture

we live in a area of bc where public transporation is great , also he can walk to a little town near his house or bike ,, there are toooooooons of places that hire summer help tons.. no reason not to aplly at these places other then laziness and not wanting to

Gemini's picture

I don't know how him having a job or not has anything to do with "sleepovers with dad" as you call them. The kids' visits with their dad are not  "sleepovers" as one does with a friend. It's them spending important time with their parent and since it's EOWE, it's already VERY limited as it is. In an intact family, kids see both of their parents everyday. It's important time with dad and that shouldn't just be stopped just because he doesn;t have a job, especially considering that your DH doesn't pay child support. As a parent who sees his kids EOWE and doesn;t even pay child support for them, your DH is hardly in a poisiton to be making these demands and pass judgments. Maybe if your DH starts paying child support as is his duty, the BM can pay for camp for the 9-year-old and the SS will be able to get the "proper" job you feel he should have.

ladybug1974's picture

i dont disagree with you , all i was simpply saying is that in the coming years , if he doesnt work i feel thats a bit old for coming for the weekend and not moving off the couch ,, 18 is a bit old for sleeping over and not doing anything, our door will always be open for him , i just think at that age he needs to figure out some things . at 16 my son was alreaday working and saving for a car and buying himself things he wanted, not just holding his hand open for money 

ladybug1974's picture

Im sorry but do you understand what her income is ? vs his ?  she brings home 175,000 a year plus she has a house with man that owns 2 clinics , my partner makes 55, 000 a year 

Rags's picture

However, SParent income is generally not considered in CS calculations either on the CP side or the NCP side. BM's DH's high income is irrelevant.

IMHO, regardless of the income level of the CP or the CP's spouse, the NCP has a responsibility to support their child(ren).  The income disparity in favor of the CP is factored into the CS calculation but does not aleviate the NCP's support responsibility for their chid(ren).  The CP has an equal duty to support their child(ren).  Unfortunately, in may cases a CP can be a complete deadbeat and live on CS alone rather than actually support their failed family progeny by a demonstrable action of earning a living.  NCPs rarely have that option.

My DW (the CP) ultimately out earned the Spermidiot (NCP)  by nearly 400% by the last 6 or so years we lived under the CO. I out earned my DW by more than 200%.  We never needed the money.  Which for us was never the point. The primary point was for my SS to understand that his BioDad ostensibly cared enough to help support him.  Not that he actually cared. He never did. As demonstrated by the fact that he never paid a penny in CS for my SS. His mommy (SpermGrandHag) paid it for him. She also raised his three younger also out of wedlock (Spermidiot) spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas for the dipshitiot.

As frustrating as a significant income disparity may be between the two sides of a blended family opposition situation, the CO spells out the boundaries and staying in thos lanes makes everyone's life easier IMHO.

Good luck.

paul_in_utah's picture

My SO's son one time  worked a part-time job for 2 weeks.  It "stressed him out" and "triggered his anxiety," so he quit.  That was 2 years ago, and he hasn't worked since.  He took all last summer off, and I'm sure that he's angling for a lengthy "sabbatical" after graduating from high school.  I'm sure he will need to rest from the "exhaustion" of earning that 2.0 GPA.

Rags's picture

Triggering is the product of spineless wussy parents and their spineless wussy spawn.

Safe spaces, chosen pronouns, hurt fee fees , pilititical correctness, all complete bullshit IMHO.

Our world is screwed when these coddled spe-cial snowflake  wussies take charge.  The totalitarian regimes of the planet are going to chew us up and spit us out.  Fortunately there are countries of character that will stand up to totalitarian aggressors.  At least one anyway.

smh

nappisan's picture

yes they should ,, my son had his first job at Macdonalds at 15, also did pizza delivery once he got his lisence at 16. now hes 20 , understands the value of money and how hard you have to work for the hourly rate.