Why are Step-Fathers always the Bad Guys.
I have a step-daughter who is a handfull. She has senosory integration disorder but takes full advantage of her mother. She has no manners, is disrespectfull, always wants things her way and does inappropiate things at home and in public. If I say something like stop I'm the bad guy.I'm the bad guy by not putting up with her stuff. If I walk away then they being her family say I'm just running away from my problems. They say that these problems will follow me into another relationship. We have been to a family counselor but I just don't think my wife gets it. I had a bad step-father when I was young and don't want to be a bad guy. I'd like peace not conflict.We are at a breaking point that may not end well. Does anyone relate to these things?
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From the sounds of it
The counselor you are seeing needs to talk some sense into your wife! Maybe hearing it from a professional will make a difference. You sound like a very loving and concerned step-father. Kudos to you for doing what you think is best for your stepdaughter. Contrary to popular belief, children need boundaries and rules. Its up to the adults to create them. If your wife is unwilling to do that, it will create quite the monster. There are many women on this site who deal with horribly spoiled stepchildren. I'm sure they can tell you just how damaging it is to have a spoiled rotten child around the house.
You are in a no win
You are in a no win situation until your wife is ready to accept the problems at face value. Kids of separated parents find it easy to use disorders to control the family. But the bottom line needs to be that she is a child and not in control of the family. Rules should be enforced whether or not she has a disorder. You are not wrong for wanting peace and order in your home. You are not running away, but disengaging may be the only solution. Your wife needs to understand that she can't expect you to try out for step-dad of the year while letting the sd walk all over you.
No Win
Thanks. Sadly it maybe a no win situation. My hope is that my step-daughter gets help for her and her future. I'm worried that her lack of control will hinder she ablility to function as an adult.Whether her mom and I stay together, this girl needs help. My wife still doen't hear the counselor advice that in getting her help it can and should help our marriage. She still feels like this is my issue and not the child's problems.
Its almost like looking in a
Its almost like looking in a mirror.
I feel your pain, in fact I am living it.
I wonder
the same from time to time. I am glad that my wife and I have a relationship where we share values, morales, and support one another on everything. Yes we may disagree but we work it out. I think Rags said alot with his blog. The men are considered as replacing their father. All we are trying to do is be a husband. The kids work themselves out.
I wonder if it is worse on step mothers or step fathers?