Relationship with step children. Should I stay or leave?!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years now we share 2yr old twin girls and he has 3 other children a 10 yr old daughter 8yr old and a 6yr old sons. All of his children are sneaky manipulative and disrespectful. The 8yr old boy lives with us the other two come over every other weekend. So to start the 10 yr old daughter used to live with us but she absolutely hates me has no respect for me and I drew the line when she started calling me a bitch and other names and just absolutely wouldn't listen to a word I told her, all the way down to its "time for bed go brush your teeth" even this simple command would turn into her going all out screaming at me telling me not to say anything to her not to tell her to do anything. It was very bad and was an everyday thing and she now lives with her mother because I wasn't going to live day to day being told I'm hated and called a bitch and other names. As for the 8yr old that lives with us... oh where do I begin..? Even after dealing with his sisters disrespectful attitude I can say this boy is the most disrespectful child I have ever encountered in my life. He is always being sneaky and stealing things, always breaking and destroying everything, and is almost always disrespectful to me and any other adult he encounters. He is horrible in school gets suspended all the time, hits other students, completely disrespects his teachers, just so he wouldn't get expelled the school had to start a program for him at the administration office. He is now in a class of 2 students and only attends school for 2 hours a day, whoohoo for me. He has gotten cps called to my house 3 time already for lying saying hes being hit, everytime has been dismissed as quickly as it opened but still.This kid is dirty doesn't care about being clean at all and it becomes an argument even to wash his hands. He is always taunting and teasing and being mean to my 2yr old twin girls and I get anxiety ANY time his is alone with them even just when I go to the bathroom because as soon as I step out of the room my daughters are screaming and crying. The youngest boy has hardly been around until this last year because of the craziest Babys mom and ex wife ever wouldn't let him come over. Aside from me being disrespected by these children, my whole family is disrespected by them. The crazy ex, i mentioned before, has threatened me multiple times saying her bf is going to kidnapp me she's going to kill me and even threatened to make me have a miscarriage when I was pregnant.
Over here the kids get discipline from me and most of the time their father but nothing makes a difference. Here's my two biggest concerns: 1. I don't want my daughters growing up around this type of behavior because I don't want them growing up being disrespectful towards me or anyone else. They are intelligent beautiful happy little girls but I'm all ready seeing little snip bits of the attitude and disrespect showing through as the do the exact things their siblings do. It gets nipped at the butt immediately and good behavior continues after. But I'm terrified that one day my girls are going to turn out the same way seeing it on a daily basis. 2. I don't want to live the rest of my life being disrespected EVERY day or everytime I see them when I have provided more stability.. more everything to these stepchildren then both parents did when they were together. I own my house I've bought everything in this house including all the kids stuff as their mother would allow them to have anything over here. Nothing not even the house itself is respected EVERY THING gets destroyed. And I'm tired of the embarrassment of my family being disrespected by these children and the embarrassment of going out any where because they don't behave in public either they act like wild animals even at the grocery store and restaurants. On top of it all I'm at home all day everyday. I don't feel like I can contact any person from my past male or female because it becomes an argument with my spouse. My bf is apparently very "old school" in his views of the man's place and the woman's place. He will damn near starve before he makes his own food even just a snack or Ramen noodles. I don't have a problem making dinner and serving dinner but making 5 sometimes 7 people's food every meal and snack all day every day gets exhausting. He does not put his dirty dishes in the sink he just leaves it on the table. Im constantly cleaning up after him and his son because his son has no idea how to clean he cant even decide if a balled up paper towel is trash. It's always him asking me to do stuff for him give him rubs and messages cause his body hurts from work, which is fine but I rarely get the favor in return. He expects sex every day which wouldn't be a problem but he very rarely make it more than a "let me get some" "dive right in no warm up" situation. Not to mention he's made sex a stressful situation for me because if I say no its an argument. Even if the reason is I'm sick and not feeling well, on my period, or simply not in the mood cause I'm sick of the dive right in or sore from it. Then sex within a couple days of the argument I get "are you cheating on me" in the middle of sex. And when I ask why he asked me that I get "your p***y didn't feel right" in a disappointed unsatisfied voice. So sex is stressful for me because I have to worry about an argument if I don't want to have sex and I have to worry everytime if my vagina is going to feel right or good or tight enough.I'm finally trying to get an evening job just to get out of the house. I loved my bf with all my heart and swore we were ment to be. I wanted to marry him. But right now I'm so confused I don't know what to do. I'm already feeling miserable.and I don't want to end up miserable and wasted 15+ years of my life. I need some helpful advice please!!!!
You love a man that is a shi*
You love a man that is a shi* dad, a shi* boyfriend that doesn't make love to you and instead comments on your vagina in negative ways; WHY? And you thought he was such a gem you had kids with him so you will forever be tied to him.
Yup. I noticed as well..
Yup. I noticed as well..
I think OP means she doesn't
I think OP means she doesn't want to look back after 15 years and realize she should have left.
Yes that is what I mean thank
Yes that is what I mean thank you for correction
Okay, this is crazy,
Okay, this is crazy, crazy..you should get away from this BF, and never look back....
What???? your......does not feel right? Did he seriously say that to you? You are not his sex slave; he is a total jerk! Run, do not walk out...Run baby run...
You need a job, your own money, your own place and decent people around you. Your BF is disgusting to me, if nothing else for this statement and there is sooooo much more including his ill-raised brats, as you have described.
Children learn through modeling and imitation; if you do not get out now, do not be surprised how poorly behaved your daughters become....They are the ones who are suffering the most.
Your boyfriend is abusive in
Your boyfriend is abusive in how he is treating you sexually in my opinion. You should not stay another day in an environment like that. My husband has been a jerk before too, so please do not think I am coming off as having the perfect marriage, but to me what your boyfriend is saying and doing is down right abusive. I have stayed before too when I should have left (but I was not in an abusive situation), so I am not trying to sound judgmental either... but I feel those with the type of actions like your boyfriend are miswired and will never get better, unfortunately. If you stay any longer in this situation hoping it will someday be OK, you are agreeing to a life of this type of treatment which will probably get worse, and your twins will think it is OK to be treated that way.
What's worse off is
What's worse off is everything we own is because of me I own the house we live in we only have one car is under his name bit I paid for the down payment it's only under his name cause he was working in was not. I don't know what to do if he leaves now I don't have another car and live in the middle of nowhere.
Honey that is what abusers
Honey that is what abusers purposefully orchestrate. They isolate and take away your ability to make it on your own. If you let yourself keep thinking you are stuck then you WILL be stuck forever. You will have to find the strength for your kids if you choose to not live that way anymore. You will have to google shelters and such for help, maybe churches. You will either have to kick him out and figure it out, or leave and go somewhere not "in the middle of nowhere" like a shelter with your kids and start over. That is simply what you have to choose from, and only you can make that choice. If you are serious about leaving, a shelter will pick you and the kids up.
Oh my Hard to over come that
Oh my
Hard to over come that snarky remark. That's awful.
Sorry you had to hear that. VERY bad decision for him to say such a thing.
DID He stop after reflection say "I am soooooooooo sorry what I said was awful and terribly wrong. I WILL NEVER say that again or anything remotely similar"
He always apologizes he puts
He always apologizes he puts his pride down and steps up when he is wrong " as he says
He always apologizes he puts
He always apologizes he puts his pride down and steps up when he is wrong " as he says
Forget about the relationship
Forget about the relationship with the step children, your boyfriend is reason enough to leave. I'll just stop there because I'm trying to cut down on my cussing.
Hi. I rarely comment anymore
Hi. I rarely comment anymore but I had to say something. His commentary about your genitalia is disturbing and disgusting. I feel so sad for you but you need to get the courage up and either tell him to leave and take his disrespectful children with him or you leave, seek out services and protection, get him evicted and then go home. I am so disgusted at his disrespect of you. I cannot imagine for 1 second being intimate with my husband and while in the middle of it, have him stop and tell me that I don't "feel right" to him. I am upset just reading this. I know what it's like to leave an abusive man. My eldest son still talks about the day his father threw a vacuum cleaner at me down the staircase (I was down at the bottom of the stairs while he was upstairs). My son loves his dad but has this bad memory that hurts him when he thinks about him. I don't want your daughters to grow up thinking that women are to be disrespected. They may not see what happens in the bedroom but they can still sense how you are being disrespected.
I loved my children enough to leave and you can do the same. Even though I was being abused, it was still hard. It ended up being the best decision I ever made. Now my 3 sons see a healthy relationship being modeled for them between my husband (their stepdad who has been in their lives for 10 years) and I. They see how a woman should be cherished, loved and respected. It's great, one of my sons (he's an adult now) treats his girlfriend of 3 years the way my husband treats me). It makes me so proud. My boys always open the door for me and all other ladies, girlfriends, etc. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just saying you and your girls deserve this type of life too and you can have it. Believe me, I know it's hard but you're the only one who can make this happen for your little family.
I hope you get the strength and do what is best. I understand people make mistakes but I must say a husband who comments on his wife not feeling right during sex is just not right. Please find a way to get away from him, get him and his kids out of your home and reclaim your life. No relationship is worth this. You'd be better off alone.
You are in an abusive
You are in an abusive relationship. You can give us a thousand excuses but the fact is your relationship is abusive.
Find a counsellor and start working on getting yourself out.
You are not a bad person. You are not worthless. You deserve more than what you are getting.
Please love yourself more than you love being with him.
All I have is..... run Hon
All I have is.....
run Hon run, take your child and never look back, this man use you as a free whore...
Abuse abuse abuse abuse
Abuse abuse abuse abuse abuse.
Leave this jerk NOW and never look back.
There is a man out there who will make you feel loved and beautiful and even sexy. Really.
Get away from this gigantic piece of SH!T!!
"What's worse off is
"What's worse off is everything we own is because of me I own the house we live in we only have one car is under his name bit I paid for the down payment it's only under his name cause he was working in was not. I don't know what to do if he leaves now I don't have another car and live in the middle of nowhere."
Just some ideas to think about. If you own the home and it's a house situated in a out in the boonies local, why not sell? You can get this man evicted, sell the house and move you and your twins into a setting that better fits your current needs. You would have opportunities for public transportation. Day care options, perhaps a community college to get you going on a job/better job. Close to centers that assist abused women and agency offices that will help you find other types of assistance resources you may require.
You don't have to live the life you're now living. You're feeling perhaps helpless and having no outs, but you actually may find you do and that you're much stronger than you think you are.
Not just for you, but for your own children. Is this the life you want for your children? An abused mother living in an unhappy toxic manner? Or do you want to give yourself and your twins the best opportunities you all actually deserve...a chance for a more stable happy normal home and childhood with a mother working and provided a peaceful home surrounded in an environment that focuses on them, the success of their mother and love.
You can do this. It's totally up to you.
Next time he says your p
Next time he says your p doesn't feel right tell him you think it is his d, it has always been on the petite side and that you have noticed it is shrinking (don't really he'd probably hit you).
Should force him to leave? YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES Go on welfare if needed til you can get on your feet. This situation calls for immediate action. If he won't leave call the police and/or begin eviction proceedings.
Your name fits your
Your name fits your disgusting comment.
well not funny at all
well not funny at all
The OP is being mentally and
The OP is being mentally and emotionally abused by a POS who says exactly this sort of thing to her every day.
There is no humor in abuse.
@Troll "There's more truth in
@Troll "There's more truth in jest" nuff said
The first thing an abuser do
The first thing an abuser do - take away all your self respect and you do not even realize it
"He expects sex every day
"He expects sex every day which wouldn't be a problem but he very rarely make it more than a "let me get some" "dive right in no warm up" situation. Not to mention he's made sex a stressful situation for me because if I say no its an argument. Even if the reason is I'm sick and not feeling well, on my period, or simply not in the mood cause I'm sick of the dive right in or sore from it. Then sex within a couple days of the argument I get "are you cheating on me" in the middle of sex. And when I ask why he asked me that I get "your p***y didn't feel right" in a disappointed unsatisfied voice".
WTever-livingF did I just read? Jesus. Get the hell out of there with your daughters and never look back. It would take a miracle for this pathetic bag of flesh to be a decent human being, apparently.
I too used to be in a 3,
I too used to be in a 3, almost 4 year relationship, with a man who had three children.
The entire relationship was verbally abusive and at the 3 year mark it turned violent when he attacked me one day. I was the most terrifying moment of my life...
I will never date a man who has that many children again. And I will never live with a man who has one of his kids living with him.
There was no appreciation involved, he felt entitled that I should take care of his youngest one.
I look back at all the wasted years and realize it was all for nothing.
What a nightmare. You love
What a nightmare. You love your bf but he is an asshole and so are his kids. The bad is greater than the good = YOU SHOULD LEAVE LIKE YESTERDAY! Why put yourself thru hell like that? For a man who isnt worth it. Love should be a two way street to equal happiness but I'm afraid this man sees a maid, nanny, sex slave and not his partner. I doubt things will change, so make that change and leave before your little girls get corrupted or hurt!