A miracle & blessing
My dh72 divorced me recently because of trying to preserve and protect his enmeshed relationship with his ds48. I left with what I could put in my car and nothing else. We were together for 25 years.
When I was married, I would always wake up in fear. As soon as my eyes opened to the world I was afraid. Around my first sip of coffee my ss would be calling his df and would not stop until he contacted him. When that happen my body would tense up and my stomach would get upset. It would stay that way for hours. I had to take medication to sleep without having nightmares and antidepressants to deal with the day's activities. When things got more tense than usual I would take something more for the anxiety.
I have less materially, I have no job, and I am looking for an apartment. Most people would look at me and probably feel sorry for the situation I am in.
That reality is that I am sleeping better than I have ever have. I do not wake up in fear and I no longer have to take medications to cope with life.
I am so grateful for this site as it gave me the emotional strength for dealing with ex during a very difficult time. I wish I knew all of you personally. You were a blessing and a life saver. Thank you.
Enuf, I'd take you out for
Enuf, I'd take you out for coffee or wine if you ever visited my state. Heck, we could probably track down Skeeter/Sammigirl and whomever else lives out here. You could do a STepTalk tour.
I'm happy for you beginning to find some peace.
That sounds fun, I would like
That sounds fun, I would like that too! I know it is going to work out for you Enuf. My (((((hugs)))) and many, many prayers are coming your way daily.
Stay with us here and keep us informed on how it is going for you.
Proud of you!
Enuf, it's so good to hear
Enuf, it's so good to hear that your mental/emotional health is doing so much better! Keep moving forward!!
I'm very happy for you. You
I'm very happy for you. You are a lovely, loving woman and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Enuf, You have such a
Enuf, You have such a wonderful attitude! Isn't it nice to wake up and look forward to the day ahead? When you look for a job a positive outlook is many times more important than experience. It will also help you in meeting the right people. At least you know now what qualities you do not want to attract! LOL The best luck to you and (((HUGS)))
Good for you Enuf, You serve
Good for you Enuf,
You serve as a testimony for women here who are evaluating their own situations (have no control), and making decisions to improve their own happiness. I am impressed by you and your courage. Change is not easy, but you have embraced it for ALL the right reasons.
Keep up the fabulous work lady!
For those individuals
For those individuals contemplating divorce. I would urge you to do as much as you can to try to remedy you marriage. The emotional part of a divorce is extremely difficult. I felt like I fell through a dark hole and I was there for what seem like an eternity. So if it is disengagement that needs to be done, give it your 120% as that is nothing compared through going a divorce especially if the divorce is because of skids. Because in the end they win if you are not able to disengage. It is also horrific to realize that your sk had the power to destroy your marriage.
In hindsight I wish I had just ignored the jerk, instead I treated him like a normal person and that was my biggest mistake. My advice: disengage, disengage and then ignore, and ignore, if that does not work, when sk shows up go do something else so that there is no interaction. Do nothing to encourage relationship between spouse and sk. Pretend sk no longer exist.
I cooked, entertained, purchased gifts, tried to include sk into family events, tried to promote the relationship between dh and ss. While this is what one would do in normal relationships, it was the worst thing I could have done in my marriage. I should have been civil and detached from sk. If I had done that from the get go, I would have save myself years of unhappiness and stress.
Thank you for all your kind words and support.
Enuf (((hugs))) to you.
Enuf (((hugs))) to you. Divorce is tough, it feels like a Mack truck has run over you and leaves scars no matter if it was a good divorce or a bad one. You gave excellent advice - disengage. Disengage to keep your sanity! But not all cases are that easy and you really do need the support of your Dh to be successful in the marriage. I'm so sorry things turned out this way for you, you truly are a lovely and caring woman.
I have disengaged from SD and
I have disengaged from SD and DH, concerning both of them. I have built a life for myself without the passive aggression from them. I feel much, much better.
It is very difficult and I had so, so many years invested, (36 years) I didn't want to give it up. I love my DH; but he doesn't deserve a good woman; he has abused his privileges, but I will not give up my years of investment of hard work and the comfort of my life at this point. With that said, I am civil and take care of ME.
Enuf, you can be proud of the fact that you tried and you are also a good woman, for sure. I feel your hurt, as I was also separated from my DH, because of his actions with SD. I am so sorry for your hurt. There are days, I wish I had never let my DH back in the house; but I am so much better with all the boundaries I set for myself. I will not cater to my DH ever again, where SD is concerned. They are on their own.
Divorce is next to death; it take its toll. ((((hugs))), you will do well and I hope you a delightful road ahead; it will be good, because you deserve it Lady.
when sd came to live with us
when sd came to live with us from another town to go to university, she was devastated. her stepfather had just cheated on her mother and they were divorcing. (that was karma coming back at bm, btw) i encouraged dh to cheer the girl up with some nice things like nice clothes and jewellery.
wrong thing to do! sd had no dates from boys her own age and came to regard dh as her boyfriend. he was constantly dropping hint for daddy dates and resenting my presence when she and dh were in a room. shed stare and try to get me to leave. it was so pathetic.
skids have the power from childhood thru adulthood to ruin a marriage. they will intentionally or through their selfish and immature needs.
hugs to you, enuf. be strong and move on.
Enuf, You are now at the
Enuf, You are now at the stage in the process of divorce that you are examining the past and wondering if you could have done anything different to save the marriage. This is also something that people who have been abused go through.
While I agree with you that disengagement should be considered prior to going through a divorce, I also believe that in your case the outcome might have been the same. Your DH was so enmeshed with SS that he would have seen your disengagement as an assault to his relationship with his son. He would not have allowed you to treat SS as if he did not exist. DH was a very selfish man who wanted you to bend to his wishes only. He was so egotistical and emotionally abusive he would have never considered your welfare or your rights as his wife. It was not SS who destroyed the marriage, it was DH.
Please be kind to yourself and realize DH owed you much more than he ever gave you credit for. When DH 'punished' you by filing for divorce he unintentionally gave you the wonderful gift of freedom from abuse. I know your funds are probably limited but please do something special for yourself every day. You deserve it!
^^ totally agree this
the parent should demand the skids respect you.
in my case the skids would not have even dreamed of treating me the way they did if they knew their father supported me, which he did not.
^^^agree agree agree. Enuf,
^^^agree agree agree.
Enuf, it would not have mattered if you had stood on your head and whistled Dixie. Your SS decided you needed to go. It was your ex-DH's decision to give that person that power. It was a violation of every promise and vow that sits underneath a marriage. No matter what you did, they would have colluded to put you in a double-bind and make everything your fault.
Go forward and live a full and happy life. *hugs*
your reactions to your life
your reactions to your life with stress responses is normal.
your husband had a mistress, and it happened to be his own son.
this is so totally unhealthy, and you are right to feel better in your move on. head up, chin up and look straight ahead. things will be much better now.
Yes he did have a mistress.
Yes he did have a mistress. It is still quite hard as when thoughts of them come through I get sick to my stomach, it feels sordid. I still cannot believe that my dh would have divorced me because of a simple complaint that lasted a minute, and one sentence. When this happened he immediately shut me out emotionally and financially. I was in total disbelieve. I still remember how angry he got over a simple complaint.
Nevertheless, I still tried to restore my marriage via email as he refused to talk on the phone with me. My heart hurts when I think of my efforts going completely unacknowledged. So now I am across the country, trying to piece my life together little by little. I am feeling quite distrustful and the only place I feel I can share my emotions are on ST. Since this initially happened I have guarded my emotions which is a really sad consequence of finally sharing how I felt when I found my dh gone to hang out with his ds.
I'm glad for you enuf! You
I'm glad for you enuf! You deserve to be happy, stress free, and I'm sure it's all just going to get even better for you.
Congratulations on your new
Congratulations on your new state of peacfulness and the kick off of your new life adventure.
I am happy that you are getting in touch with your inner calm.
Take care of you.