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Do you consider yourself a single parent?

Needalifeboat's picture

Just curious, if you have your own bios and a partner, do you still consider yourself a single parent?

SO helps out around the house some, dishes, some laundry and cooks a couple times per week (usually once when my bios are here, once for just skids)....but I'm solely responsible for my 3 bios. I rarely ask him for help unless I'm really in a bind. Getting them up and to and from school, homework, activities, friends, making sure they do their chores, birthdays, doc appts, etc. are all me. So even though I live with a partner I consider myself a single mom when they're with me which is 80% of the time.


NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Yep. I consider myself a single parent. I have 50/50 with my ex. His wife helps him. I do my parenting on my own. I do all the household chores at my home. I do the yardwork at my home. I pay all the bills at my home. My SO kisses the baby when he gets home from work. He sometimes gives her a bottle. He might change a diaper once a week. But its me by myself at my kids' school plays.

Needalifeboat's picture

I was thinking that today as I was rushing to grab one from an after school activity, feed them something just to run back out for a game. I'm alone. It's just me on the sidelines, not me and my SO.

I don't have a "real" family, it's me and my kids and the people we live with.

Step-Mom-ster's picture

I am a step mom to 2 kids;(5 & 6) and between BM not being in the picture and my DH's work schedule I pretty much do everything on my own & it certainly feels like I am a single mom at times. He's an amazing father and I know he would rather be at home then at work, aswell as his great helpfulness/contributions during the weekends (his days off of work) but yeah during the week; I feel like a single mom.

Needalifeboat's picture

What's the definition of parental figure? Does he step in to help you when they are sick? Does he pick them up from friends' houses? Or does it mean he's a male figure of the household? Just curious how you define it.

Needalifeboat's picture

I'm jealous that you have your dynamic all worked out. I feel like we have so far to go yet. We get one thing worked out and another roadblock pops up.

I did completely disengage from one SD, it makes me sad but it's the only way for me to keep the anger and resentment from taking me over. There's not enough Xanax in the world to deal with her...

z3girl's picture

I feel like a single parent and I'm married to the father of my children! Ok, I know it's not fair to the true single parents out there, but I refer to my DH as "Uncle Dad" to myself because he pretty much only wants to do the fun things with our boys. *sigh*

With the exception of my husband being emotionally there for BM to vent to (and still is even though SD will be 24 in a few weeks!), I would agree that BM was the "single parent" and she didn't parent the way DH would have when she was a teenager, and that's why SD23 is so messed up these days. BM handled all the day-to-day raising of SD23, and DH only picked and chose when he wanted to have SD23 around. I'm told he was very involved before the divorce.

Rags's picture

My bride was a single parent before we married. Since then, she is not. We agreed that we are equity parents to any children in our home regardless of kid biology. We raised SS-22 together since before he was 2yo.

Since I have no bio spawn, I was not a parent before my bride and the Skid showed up.

Or to be more accurate, before my bride and my son showed up. I have never considered him my Skid. Now that we have papers, I guess he really has never been my Skid.

sunny_skies's picture

This reminded me of a really funny situation when DH and I first started dating. We had SS5 with us, (just a baby then) and we got chatting to a real nice lady with a little one about the same age as SS. 

She mentioned she was a single parent and DH said "oh yeh me too!" I just looked at him and laughed saying "huh?!" He was like "um, oh well you know what I mean, I'm not *single* i meant *seperated* parent"

We all laughed and I wasn't hurt by it, but it got me thinking at the time, do all people that have kids who are seperated, think they're single parents forever? regardless of wether they meet a new spouse?!!

Now DH wouldn't think like that at all, we are a team, especially now that our DD1.5 arrived, but it made me wonder at the time..

Anna21's picture

Well as a widow who has raised my two by myself from when they were very little, the only true single parents in my book are those whose spouse/partner is dead OR you went to a sperm bank OR the other parent is gone 100% of the time. Sorry but that's my opinion. I used to feel envious of women I knew who had a break now and again when their ex took the kids for an occasional weekend. Even the partners/spouses who only do a bit, still do something!!!

zerostepdrama's picture

I do 99% of the work. I make all decisions for my BS. So I feel like a single mom. DH is getting better, but BS isnt his son. Bio dad isnt around much.

misSTEP's picture

Before I met my DH, I was a single parent. No father in the picture and no child support collected.

After I met my DH, I thought that we would help each other. Unfortunately, my DH created a bit of a division in our household. I didn't really understand and neither did he and I didn't find STalk until later in the game.

So, yes, there were a lot of times when I still felt like a single parent even after getting married.

HungryEyes's picture

No. I don't. My bios have a good father who takes care of them during his visitation. We are both responsible for supporting them.

When it's my turn, I don't ask much if anything of DH. He does offer to help if he knows I'm in a bind but I mostly do not ask.