At a Loss what to do with my Husband as he seems to hate my son
I am at a loss what to do with my husband and our relationship and my son's and mine relationship. My son said he only pretended to like me to get you and I am starting to believe this now days. I have tried over and over again with talking to my husband but it never ends good. He doesn't want to change and I can't force him to. He is always barking orders at my 16 year old son and my 13 year old son, but he never ever says anything nice about my 16 year old. My 16 year old says he can't stand riding alone with him in the car because all he does is talk about how bad his mother is for a wife and how he hates the kids! Yes we have our issues with my 16 year old, but he doesn't do drugs, he is an honor student and now he just doesn't care. He is feed up with my husband so much he hates it here! He hates his life and yes I do blame this on my husband as he has made the last three years miserable on my son! From rude comments to just plain not caring!! I don't know what to do. We have five kids all together and I just found out I am pregnant again making it six, four of which will/are his. It's easy to say leave or conceiling but it's not as easy as you think. No one wants to go to concailing and to leave I am thinking of my other children as well. Not to mention that I do love my husband. I am not working right now as he didn't want me to work and I am taxi driver for all my kids and husband to go to school and work. I have a part time job I can work from home from my father, but he doesn't want to switch his hours to let me do this. I have two children at home that make it difficult to make business calls. Need an at home computer job really. I really don't know what my answer is. Am I expecting too much? I just want him to treat him fairly and we had a family emergency the other day and I needed him to take off work and his response was no way! Figure it out yourself. I did the best I could with a sick child and two other children at home, but I thought this was beyond rude. On top of that he got mad at me for dropping my son off to school first, which I was right by not going out of the way instead of him to work and jumped out of the car and told me he wasn't coming back! I did the right thing and tried to get him back in the car to drive him to work and he refused twice, so I went home. His work was 5 miles away and he needed to be there in 15 minutes!! About 1.5 in walking time. After my 30 miles of driving back home he called and expected me to drop everything for him and come back and pick him up. I didn't. He started yelling at me over this and told me I was riducilous because he was going to get fired. Luckly somebody was walking into the gas station and over heard his scream attempts and said they would give him a ride. He called after work for me to pick him up and I did but he never apologized or anything and expected everything to be normal and then gave my son a terrible smart remark for the issue we had going that day. I would say he treats my kids worse then his children by me, he does, but he treats his children just as bad! He can't seem to stand his 6 year old that is named after him. He tries to push him in bed right after he gets home or off to his room so he doesn't have to deal with him. The little ones he sticks in front of the TV and that's his parenting time with them. And yells at them for making a mess every time they play with toys and threaten to throw them out. I get along with his family well, my family hates him except my dad gets along with him. We have been married for 7 years now. I am a Christian and don't believe in just giving up on someone and I love him. But I love my children too and I feel they should come first as they were around before him. Is this wrong? Any ideas good or bad, I would love to hear them.
Talk to your OB about getting
Talk to your OB about getting your tubes tied after the child you are carrying.
Start looking for work you can do at home around the kids, even if it is at night. You need to be able to support yourself.
No way I would have stuck
No way I would have stuck around for 7 years! My exh was like that, thank God we had no children, and I only took his abuse for two years. The only difference I see between my exh and your H is he quit his job and made me work 3 jobs just to keep us a float. And God forbid I have any say in the finances, even though I was the bread winner.
I have been divorced for 4 years, and FDH and I have been together nearly 3... I see now how a man should treat the women he loves.
You deserve better, and your children deserve better too.
Yeesh. I would suggest family
Yeesh. I would suggest family counceling but solely based on what you wrote (and I cringed at certain parts), I am not even sure that would help. If he is physically abusive, or has threatened physical abuse in any way, you should get out and get out RIGHT NOW. Your husband is obviously a man dealing with a lot of frustrations that he cannot control and I can only see this escalating. Insulting you in front of your son? Egads! That's a big no no in my book. And you are having another child with this man? I know you want to do the right thing here, but sometimes, you have to do what is right for you and your children because saving your family at this point is akin to squirting a water spritzer on a house that is already ablaze.
It does sound like he is a
It does sound like he is a mean person but what about his other side? It's easy for me to judge him after reading this post but there must have been something that made you fall in love with this man in the first place, he can't be all bad!
It sounds like you are both undergoing some serious stress, lots of kids in the home (why so many kids). Birth control is the responsibility of both parties and if you can't handle the kids you have, having more kids is not going to make it better (sorry to be blunt but it's true).
Also, something struck me in your post about having a family emergency and needing him to come home from work to deal with it. In a one income family with so many children and with his being afraid to lose his job as you have pointed out, it better have been a heck of an emergency (maybe it was, I don't know as you didn't elaborate) but it sounds like he wants you to take responsibility for the home while he brings home the money. It sounds like a good trade to me.
Sounds like he has some anger issues and may also have been parented this way as a child, doesn't know how to break the cycle. How about some counselling??
I am sorry you are living in this situation but I always try to see things from both sides and not to jump to the conclusion that he is physically abusing you or that he doesn't have ANY redeeming qualities.
I wish you luck!
Sounds like a real prince. I
Sounds like a real prince. I have no words, your post made me sick to my stomach. Your poor, poor kids.
Is he an alcoholic? More
Is he an alcoholic? More than one drink a day? Is this the guy you married? Has he changed a lot? If alcohol is involved you may have to leave even if temporarily until he decides his family is worth more. That may never happen unfortunately which will mean a divorce and child support.
Don't TIE your tubes - CUT them after birth AND tell the Doctor to tell no one. Yes you have the right to both of those requests. Don't leave any possibility of having more kids.
One way or another you've got to straighten this guy up or get out of there.
You blame your DH, but you're
You blame your DH, but you're to blame also. You've allowed this to happen for so many years.
I feel so bad for the kids and the one you're carrying. It's understandable why your 16yo is angry and fed up. He's probably angry with the abuse and being treated like dirt - and he's probably tired of you not doing anything to stop it.
This whole situation is sad.
To everyone that thought I
To everyone that thought I was crazy having kids by him. I didn't not want my children EVER. I wanted a big family and enjoy them. He used to be different, he used to care. He use to think of me before everything else, before himself even, but not anymore. It wasn't till our last one was born that he changed, and no he wasn't drinking unless he does that before he gets out of work, but I really don't think so. We don't keep alchol in the house due to kids. 2 1/2 years ago is when he changed to this. He didn't want another child and I did, but we agreed to wait 2 more years not relising I was pregnant already. I was happy and he wasn't until about 2 days before she was born and his mom was down here and all. With this one yes I was a surprise we were using birth control but I was switching my pills and we used condoms but again one time we didn't. I joked and told him we might end up pregnant. We did!
Well I recently found out that the baby died inside of me and I am waiting to miscarriage it. When I went to the E.R. I also found out a shocking fact, that I had an STD (curable thank God) but still where did I get this from? I have never ever cheated on my husband. I asked him about this and he told me he has no idea where he got it from. He claims he hasn't done anything with anyone since we were married 7 years ago let me add! And I have got tested for this with every baby from him 3 times 3 babies, last time tested would have been 2 1/2 years ago about. Didn't have it anytime then. So I am wondering if he's telling me the truth or lying. I really never dreamed he would have cheated on me or even thought about it until they told me this and this is probably what killed the baby! I know a lot of you don't agree with having so many children and that is your choice, but as for me, I wanted this many children and planned on this great life with my husband and never in a million years would have thought it would have turned out like this!
Now I am stuck waiting to miscarriage a dead baby hoping it doesn't come when I am driving. A baby I wanted and just accepted that I was having and even bought the first things for it a day before this all happened!!! So please everyone don't comment that it's a good thing this happened or this will be easier as I am not over this yet.
Also for the people that didn't think I cared that he is the only one working. I do that is why I have been trying to get him to work nights as I have a telemarking job during the day to work if someone could watch the kids we would make more money, but he likes his days because it's easier. It's been 7 years and he hasn't held a full time job for more then a year and has always switched jobs or been on unemployment. I wanted him to go back to school while he was on unemployment so he could make more money and do something he would like, but he didn't want to then, until he went back to work! I have been struggling with getting him to hold a job a good job. He makes a little more then min. wage and I have been coming up with the rest of the money to cover bills each month by borrowing money from my father or selling stuff online. So I guess I shouldn't say I don't work as I sell stuff online, but I need to have a real job to provide proof I work! If it wasn't for that we wouldn't make it monthly. I don't know what advice I am looking for, I think I know what needs to be done, but I am just hoping or praying for him to change before then. Sorry for the random rambling, but I needed to let it out.