How not to give a crap
:? I am always asking questions about my two ss and I feel like my husband only tells me what he wants me to hear or he forgets to tell me. He talks to his ex about the kids but don't tell me everything. But he wants me involved in everything. So how can I stop being attentive to his kids. He is always asking questions about mine and wants to know everything so I tell him. For example the visitation I would like to know a week or a couple days before not day of and I ask when are they coming back and he's like I don't know. Grrrrrrr.
Like his kid and bath time if I don't keep track I bet he'd go for days and days without one and if he misses one day he smells like poop and my two kids complain because he stinks up the upstairs. But supposly my husband can't smell him. Grrr. Or make sure he brushes his teeth, and dressed properly.
So I'm trying not to say anything anymore about him. So do I just let my kids say dude you stink or let him go to school like that? His bm is an airhead herself and let's him do anything he wants. And I feel over ruled my the two of them. And I get pissed.
Have you tried setting up a
Have you tried setting up a specific time each week to communicate these things? Maybe knowing that he will have to give an update every Sunday, for example, might prompt him to be a little more responsible.
If not, then I use a Deepak Chopra mantra all the time. When I find something bothering me so bad that I can feel the tension literally crawling up my skin, I close my eyes, breath, and whisper to myself, "Today I will not judge anything that occurs." Just because it is not my way, doesn't make it wrong, and I can't control others anyway.
You may find that this does not work for you. But in the end, you can either choose to change it, accept it, or not to accept it - and your DH has the same choice.
BTW - why would he want his kid to be the stinky one in class anyway?
I think he just doesn't want
I think he just doesn't want to be bothered with him if he whines about taking a bath. It's hard not to say anything cause I do care.
What's going to happen is the
What's going to happen is the kids at school are going to start teasing this child. Kids can be very direct and they'll think nothing of sparing the stinking kid's feelings when they announce to the teacher 'I'm gagging sitting here by so and so'. Soon no one will sit next to the SS at the lunch tables.
Sad truth is, either your husband does his parenting duties aka assuring clean child/clothing or the school kids will do it for him and they won't be nice about it.
I've said that to my husband
I've said that to my husband before about he will get teased. But it's just not sinking in. And it's frustrating. So maybe he is going to have to get picked for him to realize he will have to do something about it.
I was going to refer you to
I was going to refer you to the link in the post above about disengaging. It works and I implemented it decades before the Internet was here to share the idea.
Tell your husband that if any member of the family complains about his odor the kid will have to stay in the garage until husband does something about it.
I love the disengaging for
I love the disengaging for step parents it explains a lot. Now I can just pass on the responsibility and not feel guilty. It's not my kid and as bad if he don't do something.
I don't think I could let a
I don't think I could let a kid go to school dirty, but maybe? Nah. I wouldn't be able to stand it; he'd get a Dawn dish soap bath in the back yard with the hose. I'll bet you wouldn't have to do it twice. }:)