Stepdad Cuddles teen
Need others thoughts on this one if were being over dramtic or something. My 15 yr old SD lives with us 75% of the time and goes to her moms for all school breaks except thanksgiving. She is with her mom now they live 11 hrs away. My SD reposted on Facebook a photo her mom took. The photo was my SD laying on her stomach next to her stepdad on a bed with her top half laying on the side of his chest . hes on his his back and one arm around her. she was in booty shorts ant a tanktop. her 18 year old brother is on the other side or the stepdad laying on his side up againt the stepdad. yes they were all clothed and were not under covers. Some might think oh its so incicent. we get that nothing happend, Its the setting where the photo was taken that rubs us the wrong way. We just think that is a boundry that shouldnt be crossed with the stepparent especially when the both parents are active in the childs life. I have been in my Stepchildrens lives for 12 years and i have never crossed any type of boundry like that.
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I actually don't understand
I actually don't understand the issue you are getting at.
I was maybe a bit on board possibly until I got to the point where it said that "when both parents are active in the child's life".
As in.. a step parent can't have a close and loving relationship with a kid because they have two involved bio parents.
That's a crap pov tbh.. I don't know the boundary you think is being crossed..
I mean.. the girl's choice of clothing.. while not great.. is probably typical of her age and peer group. The fact that it was a group photo of the three of them.. showing a close relationship.. and as long as the kids aren't somehow complaining about creepy stepdad.. what was the boundary.. that they were hanging out together watching TV.. maybey on vacation in the hotel?
Is it that it bothers you because they seem to like and have a good relationship with him.
You say that you don't think anything happened.. so it's innocent in that regard.. so what is the issue?
Some people are more comfortable with physical closeness.. me, personally am not.. but if there is nothing innappropriate happening with stepdad... I'm struggling to see what you see as innappropriate.. that they are posed close to him?
Disengage. I would unfriend
Disengage. I would unfriend SD on facebook. It's not uncommon for kids with divorced parents to have "daddy issues". Not saying that your DH is a bad dad, but it's just a common issue. Has SD voiced any concerns about step dad? The skimpy clothes and excessive affection just sound like SD is looking for attention. If she's not getting attention at home, she will be looking for it elsewhere, especially as a teen.
Yes it’s creepy.
I have a SS and he is younger and I would never snuggle with him. I care about him and will hug him but come on not snuggling, that crosses a line. I understand what you mean, It would be different if the other parent wasn't around and they grew up around him & he was the father figure..but in this situation she's 15!!! I would equally feel concerned for my SD if I saw that picture. I would have conversations with her about healthy boundaries. I'm sorry but we live in a world where a childs innocence can be taken advantage of. I'm not saying he's a creep but what if he is? You don't know. Go with your gut! Be vigilant and vocal, protect your kid.
I don't understand what both parents being involved in the child
I don't understand what both parents being involved in the child's life has to do with this? Either you are concerned there is something sexual going on, or you are not. If SD was not close to her birth father, then the picture would be ok? SS was also in the photo, which makes me think it was innocent. If you are concerned, talk to both of the kids about it and see what they have to say - because the concern should be for both kids.
Yeah.. Iagree too. The pose
Yeah.. Iagree too. The pose sounds a bit strange.. so I guess context is everything.. were they all on vacation and in a hotel room lounging and watching TV.. (which are usually oriented to the beds).. were they engaging in a movie night.. and the best tv is in the master?
The oddest part of the question was that it gave the impression that since they have two active parents.. they shouldn't be close to a stepparent..and... I don't think that's fair necessarily.
daughter's wardrobe choices.. well.. dad can have his opinion on the length of her shorts.. but that's hard to manage when they live in two homes.
If a teen girl were going to
If a teen girl were going to cuddle in a bed with a grown man with her top half on his chest while wearing "booty shorts" and a tank top, does it make it better or worse if that man is her father or stepfather, or if her brother is there? From the very specific description, no matter who the man is (even if her father), it shows too much of a lack of physical boundaries for my taste. The fact that it's her stepdad neither raises nor lowers my personal ick factor.
Skids have two homes and often two or more families.
Having a close relationship with a SParent should be what is normal in blended families. Hopefully BM is making a quality home and family for herself and the SKids and StepDad is a quality part of that.
The other side may not be toxic. Watching a movie together even when lying in bed eating popcorn, etc... may just be a family bonding thing. Hopefully that is the case for your SKids with their SF.
I am blessed as a StepDad to have a very close relationship with my StepSon. Nothing untoward. I'm his dad. He is my son. His BioDad was not entirely absent. SS has known him his entire life but their relationship has been far from quality.
Rather than take exception to what is likely entirely innocent, try engaging with the SKids regarding their life at Moms and be supportive if it is positive.