Hey guys! Been a while!
Since SD has left for college, things have been so much more calm, so I haven't needed to come and vent for a very long time. And even today isn't a vent, it's a HALLELUJAH moment, even though it does break my heart.
DH has witnessed so much distancing from SD. She's only 2hrs away going to college. She doesn't really have a job, but she doesn't call him, doesn't come to see him, unless it's about a month or from christmas or her birthday (ie time for presents).
Well last night he just told me that she messaged him a very business sounding email inviting him if he wanted to her ring ceremony that's on Friday. And then her and her mom's parents are going to go around town getting lunch and going shopping... (she knows DH doesn't want to go hang out with her mom and mom's parents). Ending with, I just wanted to extend the invite). He decided, before talking to me, that he wasn't going.
Then he goes on to say how he doesn't even want to do anything for her when she graduates, but he wants to take my daughter on a cruise when she graduates.
He said SD made her bed, now she can sleep in it.
You should both go. Be radiant and happy together.
Living well is both the best example, and the best revenge. If mommy and her parents pout about it,... BONUS! If SD chooses to pout about. Tuff shit.
As for supporting after university graduation. "SD made her bed, now she can sleep in it." She chose her side. She should live that choice whether she wants to or not. Being a COD does not mean her crap should be tolerated without consequence.
So, live your best lives, be radiant, and do it fully frontal and in SD's face, mommy's face, and your DH's XIL's faces. Go for lunch. Pay for nothing but your meal and half of SD's. Let mommy and the XILs pay for everything else. If you go for the shopping, shop for yourselves and pay only for the stuff you buy for yourselves. Do not succumb to or tolerate the pouting side eye, or any other bullshit.
Most importantly, have fun! Deliver what they have earned. Which is marginalization and lack of importance. Being there pulls the "I invited him but daddy abandoned me!!!!" crying bullshit off of the table. Stay at the nicest hotels, drive the nicest rental car, order the top flight dishes, etc... but pay only for the two of you and half of SD's order.
It was not a planned thing for us. But we landed on this model with my ILs. We were on our way to my BIL1's wedding when our connecting flight was canceled due to a major ice storm at our final destination after we took off from our city. To get there in time we had to jump through our asses backwards and book a flight to a major city several hours drive away from my DW's home town. We landed and got an all wheel drive rental car, the last one available. We had to take it uncleaned after the previous customer returned it. We got on the Interstate at the last possible minute and watched in the rear view mirror as the highway patrol closed the gate behind us closing the highway. That happened twice on that drive.
We had to overnight at DW's cousin's house before leaving early in the AM for the final few hours drive. Our bags had not been transferred to our final flight so we had only what we were wearing and a spare airport T-shirt each. We stopped at the mall closest to DW's home town to buy the stuff we needed for the wedding and the rest of the visit. In an hour we spent ~$1K on clothes, shoes, toiletries, and makeup for my bride. All under the very disapproving hairy eyeball of BIL1's STB bovine bride. Even with the ice storm from hell not getting our bag crap, we were the most appropriately attired for the wedding. The rehearsal dinner was about 2hrs after our mall stop. Everyone else was in stinky agricultural worker field clothes while we were appropriately dressed in smart casual. SS and I were in slacks, jackets, etc.. and DW was in a nice but casual dress and a sweater for the wedding the next day.
To this day there is still snarky comments about our 1hr shop-gasm and how we apparently offended BIL1's ILS by our attire during the rehearsal then the wedding.
Not our problem. When the toxic opposition takes exception to decency and demonstrated participation, that is on them. This was about 21yrs ago and they still will occasionally bring it up with a disdainful smirk. We just give them the clear look and when necessary spoken massage that says... and why are you still in the same life position now?
*unknw*
It would only be dh going to
It would only be dh going to the ring ceremony if he was going to go, i can't take off of work that short notice. But DH can't go either because of his work obligations. I honestly believe that sd planned it that way, she only gave like a 4 day notice for this. If she wants to use it as a "my dad abandoned me" we know the truth and his and my family know the truth... we don't care about anything else really.
Not going is of course fine.
Take care of you.
Why would DH
Want to hang out with the _X. and play '''happy family'''. That ended with the divorce and new marriage. I assume you are involved on this cruise ? or this cruise going to be a ''happy family'' event
Exactly. But even then
Exactly. But even then regardless, she really didn't give dh enough time to plan to go anyways. DH had work obligations. He already has a meeting at with clients on that day. He can't go with only a 4 day notice.
The cruise with my daughter will be dh, my daughter, and i.
Don't worry, she will reap
Don't worry, she will reap what she is sowing. Make sure he addresses the refusal correctly. "Sd thank you so much for inviting us, unfortunately getting the invitation so late makes us unable to attend. Work won't allow for a day off w/ little to no warning. I hope you enjoy your day, please know we will be thinking about you. "
That way he takes the wind right out of her sails. There will be no spending spree on daddy's dime. No uncomfy lunch date w/ the ex-inaws. And by using "us" he shows solidarity w/ you.