Am I Just Crazy?
Hello!
Im a first time almost step mom(33F) and bio mom to a firecracker toddler(2F). My fiance (36M) has one child(10F) from a previous relationship which the BM came out as gay when SD was around 4. My fiance and I have been together for a little over a year and have been living together for about 4 months. We have SD every weekend and most school breaks, he says it's 50/50 but in reality we have her more often as SD constantly wants to stay with us an extra day or so.(Fiance and BM let the kid decide where she wants to be. Aside from Fridays and Saturdays, SD chooses to either go to mom's or stay with us. More about this later).
I knew before we moved in together they were very close and fiance was struggling with the fact that SD was entering puberty and growing up. They would often sleep in the same bed before he moved into my house and tickle fight in the mornings.
"They would often sleep in
"They would often sleep in the same bed before he moved into my house"
Problem. Ew.
"Fiance and BM let the kid decide where she wants to be. Aside from Fridays and Saturdays, SD chooses to either go to mom's or stay with us."
BIG, huge problem!! Being the "boundary police" on this issue casts you as the evil stepmother and it isn't fair. Also, letting "SD" decide might be letting BM decide. In my fk'd up case, my SO's BM would tell the skids "So, i'm going to be spending the weekend cleaning. You can either stay like scheduled and help me clean the whole weekend or go to your dad's. Which do you pick?" She would say that then go party all weekend after calling SO and saying "The skids really want to come to your house!"
Thanks for your response!
Thanks for your response! Somehow I only posted a small portion, my new post has more of the situation... I cant figure out how to edit a post!?
I have recently been thinking about BM and her influence. Fiance I KNOW still caters to her when it comes to certain things. He has given her $$ even though we have SD more than 50% and BM is remarried. He always is the one to pickup/drop off SD. She never ever does it. BM has mental health issues and recently apparently told my fiance "i think your fiance would kick my ass if we got into a fight. The other girls I've met that youve dated I could take them but this one I dont think I could." Which completely blew me away! We have never argued or anything and it seemed like a totally off the wall thing to say!? Like what train of thought was that?? I have no clue how often fiance and BM talk, what they talk about, nothing. I know nothing. I trust my fiance 100% so not worried about infidelity or anything like that but I am starting to feel stonewalled a bit when it comes to BM.. I would not be surprised AT ALL if what you're saying is what's happening. BM is supposed to have SD all day/night next weekend so I made plans to go to an event with my fiance, two days ago I heard BM isn't "sure" if she can get off work now. All of a sudden. I told him nope that's our night. Tell her to figure it out, welcome to parenting.
The recipe for SParental misery.
SD chooses to either go to mom's or stay with us.
Hell no!
Follow the CO. Period. Dot. Kids do not get to choose. The other parent does not get to dump the kid on you. Your SO needs to have the spine necessary to defend your relationship, life, and home from his failed family baggage.
The cosleeping with a pubescent kid should have been a deal breaker.
Take care of you. We each owe ourselves to live our best life. That cannot happen for you in a disparate partnership where your mate tolerates zero boundaries and the at will invasion of your life by his baggage.