How do I get the kids to clean up there room

We are a messy bunch bt that leaves no excuse to live in filth the two girls share a room wich is understandable it's gonna get messy bt I'm talking about just trash piled up and clothes piled up and it's a screaming fight to get them to even pick up enough to walk in their room and while there cleaning there room there throwing punches at each other and the step son sleeps with a huge pile of I dunno what and clothes on the bed all over the floor you can barely open the door most days and if I try talking to him about it i get told don't talk to me ur making me mad I dunno what to do we have tried the allowance thing they barely got anything done for that got to the point they refused to clean there room unless we paid them first so we just stopped paying them took things away like tablets tvs phone playstation events for school or whatever else refused to clean there room cause we took it away I've tried to help them bt they get mad and tell me to get out any advice will be appreciated I'm overwhelmed and feel like the place that I've worked so hard for is being destroyed

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What is their father doing?

What is their father doing? Frankly, IMO, since taking away rewards doesn't work, dad should box up their piles of stuff and lock it away.

You can take back your life by making them get their own place and you two date.

I feel like he doesn't do much

He works hard I get that bt when the kids don't want to do something or they want something he gives in so quick cause he doesn't want to argue cause he's tired and just wants to chill

Chores are the duty a kid owes the home and family.

Never pay for chores. If the kid wants to earn money, there should be an extraordinary job for them to do. Till the garden, dig the crawlspace under the house to basement depth, etc... Never use chores as punishment either.

As for the piglet spawn in your home, no more fighting with them to clean their rooms. Empty their room and throw it all away. See how they like having just the things that are in their drawers and hanging in the closet after the next garbage day. Bag it all, put it on the curb. When they walk in their room to find it empty other than bare furniture and start asking where the stuff is tell them it is bagged in garbage bags on the curb and if they want it they need to go get it, remove one item at a time from their bags, and put it away. If they do not get it all unpacked before garbage day, Buh-bye crap.

Don't give minor children any autonomy of choice other than to chose to do as they are required or suffer. That should be their only choice.

You want to get the gaming piglet's attention, take a hammer to his Play Station/XBOX/Wii. That wakes them up. Then, no more games or game systems in your home. We purged then when the SKid was in 6th grade and never allowed them in our home after that.

I've told him it's needs to be done

Time and time again I've told him we need to just take everything away even the excess clothes bt he always like they will get it done bt it never happens

They obviously have too much

They obviously have too much stuff. Strip their room, give them the bare essentials to live and make them earn all of it back. The adults in the house have to take control of running the home. Plural. AdultS. If DH refuses to parent then you will have to take charge.

Shame on him for failing you as a partner.

If dad

refuses to parent he can clean their damn rooms!

Also

Add a little black rice here and there in the corners for him to find. Make sure to look horrified about it because, clearly, their filth has attracted mice. That should make him even angrier about cleaning their rooms for them and, hopefully, motivate him to light a,fire under them about cleaning.

I know they have to much

I've even told Him let's get a storage just to put away the extra crap we don't need or use I'm told it's a waste of money

Agree

Go in and box it all up. Every other week when they go to BM. Clean up,,box up the junk.

It's one year off on year on

I don't like it bt that's the way it is

From your bio, you have 3

From your bio, you have 3 skids, ages 8-14, who you have YEAR on, year off custody?! Jeez. No telling how they have been raised. Their dad needs to take the lead on this. But they may have never been taught how to, like, live. Their dad should do it with them once. Then supervise closely the next few times, making sure they do it right and not letting them get away with doing a bad job. After that, start taking away privileges and/or possessions until they either do it right without drama or are left with nothing but a bed in their room. If they keep it clean, reward them with, idk, a dinner at their fav restaurant, a trip to the movies, or whatever they want that is affordable once a month. Bonus if it's something you guys can do as a family. But HE has to take the lead and follow through. If he is unable or unwilling, then the problem with the skids is they have a crappy parent. You can participate in all this but it needs to "come from" him. If he is unwilling to do what it takes, your problem is a crapoy partner who raises kids with no life skills.

I've been telling him that

The kids are gonna grow up not knowing anything they make tic toc videos bt have below average scores in school

I have to still ask, is their

I have to still ask, is their custody schedule actually year on year off? That's very odd. Though i guess you would get a whole year's break....but yeah, in that year it's on their dad to teach them to, like, live. If he doesn't he's a failure as a parent.

I know it's odd

I know it's odd bt it wat him and his ex came up with still to this day there are piles of clothes in There room trash everywhere and the way they just do as they please it's insane

This is something that you,

This is something that you, personally should stay out of. You are in a no win position.. you can't correct them.. because you don't have that parental connection.. and it will just breed resentment in the kids.. and your SO may take their side..etc..

Your SO deals with this 100%.

first, he needs to teach them how to clean...

If they can't do this.. then he can remove the "excess" stuff.. perhaps they don't have enough room to put all clothes away etc?

Removing privileges for not maintaining a basic level of cleanliness can be a step... their father takes.

He can also strip their room of excess items...

again... loudly.. this is HIS issue to deal with.

Bt he's not doing it

At the bare minimum by the end of the day if the things are shoved under beds couches closets dressers just enough to walk thru with out stepping on stuff it's acceptable and there off on there way to do whatever they please

You have to force the BF

To do something, it's his kids and his problems. I would pick up and throw away anything that got in my way.

They cry and call mom or grandparents

There's been plenty of times they want to run off cause they don't get there way just last night they told us there leaving early cause I'm so mean too them and he yells to much all because the 11 yr old came at me a told me you need to get me more melatonin I've had already put it on the pick up order and was gonna get it later that day told her that she snaps at me

Im in camp ickiepoopoo but disengage

Their rooms are gross. Put pressure on their father YOU stay out of it, but feel free to make comments.

Not good under pressure

I do get on him about it bt I get the backlash of I'm gonna get it done stop complaining

Take away the smart phone

Take away the smart phone/playstation/etc and I guarantee that room will be spotless

We've tried

We take stuff away they bug bug and pester till he breaks down and gives it right back

I have to ask this first, Who

I have to ask this first, Who owns the house?

Me

It's in my name he moved in the last year I was paying it off

Oh hell no. You are being

Oh hell no. You are being taken advantage of. Research eviction laws in your state.

That's how I feel all the time

I just want to move and be done with it I'm so tired of the stress and constant fighting

I just want to move and be

I just want to move and be done with it...

THEN DO IT.

Tell your boyfriend you're selling YOUR house. He and his kids can clean out their junk or it goes into the trash. Buy your own place and kick this user to the curb.