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I wish my step children were never home

Kazi729's picture

I am literally going crazy in my own home. My husband and I got married a year ago and have been together for 3. Currently he has a 19 year old deadbeat son, who works a part time, low wage job and doesn't contribute to the household financially or just in general but instead sits around on his ass, eats all the fucking food and plays video games all day. He's also extremely immature for his age. Has never had a gf, his only friends are on the screen. He does nothing socially and has a very odd attachment to the dogs. He also does weird random things that I believe would qualify him to be on the spectrum but my husband and his mother said he was tested when he was little and he doesn't have it. So they just ignore it and think it's normal.

My stepdaughter is 16 going on 30. She also doesn't know how to clean up after her self. She has a cat that I can't stand and we constantly have to tell her and her brother to do things around the house. They are the same expected chores every week but still we have to tell them over and over all the time. She also plays video games all day like her brother and when she's not doing that she is constantly complaining about random shit---like all day. It's always something. She is not very kind to my 8 year old either and that makes me nuts. My son is young, impressionable but kind and funny and I really don't want him to be anything like my husbands kids. I hate the way they act, how they view the world, the entitlement, the I know everything attitude, and just their general outlook on life. They are miserable to be around because of the constant complaining about everything. I almost had a complete breakdown and had to start going to therapy because I was feeling like I didn't even want to be in my own home. When they are here I just stay in my room. This is my fucking house and I feel like I've completely lost my space and my peace. 

My husband helps around the house so that's not an issue. The only problem is he's all bark and no bite which also drives me insane. He doesn't make them face any consequences for anything. 

I'm just rambling at this point but im just so annoyed and over it. When they aren't here I am so much happier and i actually look forward to them not being home. I wish they would go live with their mom but she's a freaking train wreck herself so it's just a lose lose situation. I try to show them how to be empathetic, how to treat people, how to take care of a home etc but nothing. There's no interest there no fucks at all. 

what do I do? Cray 2

notsurehowtodeal's picture

You protect your son. He should not have to live in a home where someone is not kind to him. How often is SD mean to him? Can he stay with his father when they are at your house?

As I am sure you realize, your real problem is your DH. He needs to step up and parent the 16 year old and come up with a launch plan for the 19 year old.

Harry's picture

SS is 19. He has three months to find a place to live and move out.  You actually will pay the first month rent as long it not back to BM.   SD is 16 she gets a list of thing to do in the week.  Either she completes the list or loses her phone and internet .

If you don't do anything thing will not change.  Why would someone give up a life of couch surfing,  much better then working. 
'what a disfunction group.  If you don't do anything nothing will change. 

TrueNorth77's picture

You definitely need to sit your DH down and form a launch plan for SS. FT work is expected. He has X amount of time to find it. Then, X amount of time to get to the next stage. School, moving out with a roommate or by himself, whatever that may be. Sitting around working PT doing nothing is NOT the plan. Write it down, you both sign it, SS signs it, there is a date attached. Some birds need help flying. 

Rags's picture

Toxic people neither earn nor understand empathy.  You want them to be empathetic, appreciate a clean home,  and how to treat people nicelty.... scrub their noses in the stench that they perpetrate which inludes delivering unto them an escalating life of misery for their crap.

You want to live peacefully in your "fucking" home, boot your failed man, failed father, and failed  POS of a husband and his shit spawn to the curb and reclaim your home, live your best life, and demonstrate to your young son that his mom is confident and knows how to to live well and put the trash on the curb where they belong.

This will never improve.  These shit COD spawn and their idiot father will become shit COD  kidults and their father will remain shit as well. Hope  for these people to change is akin to polishing a turd. In the end, it is still shit. It may be shiney but it is stull shit. It will always be shit. And when the perfume spritz of occassionally manipulative decent behavior wears off, their stench returns.

You and your son are not what they are.  Do not tolerate what they are.

So don't tolerate them forcing you to join them in their shallow and polluted genetic cesspool lives. 

Take care of you.  Live well. Which is the best example for your own son, and is the best revenge.

Have fun exacting that revenge.


IMHO of course.