I just want to be fair
My wife and I are having the biggest fight ever about inheritance. Now, I must preface by stating I love my wife and my kids very dearly. However, I value enthusiam and interest in business over family in business. Before we actually married my wife and I had a prenup that included a will. As part of the will, she will not receive any percentage in any of my businesses that are non-personal residential property bases and full ownership in the personal residental property that is non-sentimental to my kids and 16.8% of the sentimental ones. However, my two kids will both get a 10% share each with potential to increase that percentage if they show more interest in specific aspects of the business and about roughly 41.6% each in the sentimental propeties. Partly why the percentage is quite high for my kids is that I promised my late wife that I would do that. Ideally, I would have all parties start off at nothing unless they were truly interested in the businesses and allocate percentage based on the aspects they are interested in. I am also interested in giving my wife percentages based on her interests in the business as well.
My wife agreed to this agreement at the time of signing. However, one of my kids has taken a great interest in my business and I am willing to up my percentage for my daughter to 20%. My wife on the other hand started off interested but wained greatly and I do not sense that she is passionate about the actual business. It is just temporary interest. My wife thinks this is unfair because she thinks as partner she should get more than my kids in the event of my death and I am breathing favoritism because I have not included any of her kids which are all minors by the way and have not shown any interest in what I do. She also thinks that I think that she is too stuipid to run a business and I lookdown on her. This is not the case, I simply do not think that she understands the hardships of building and running the business I have and how much sacrifice, stress and fatigue it cost. I truly believe she will be unhappy. Then there is the issue that I ran the business with my late wife as an equal partner, that also adds to her insecurity, but my former wife was a Harvard Business School grad and she was passionate about it.
I am truly trying to be fair here and I think my wife take for granted how hard I work to get to this point in my life. My businesses are like children to me and I rather sell everything and give to charity upon my death than give it to someone who isn't going to run it properly. I have given her chances to come on board several times but she never puts her all into it as I would like her to do. It is not that she will be out in the cold if I die before her either, she will have at least $6 million dollars in assests + an income on the mineral rights of one of the properties. But, everytime I try to bring up these facts I am the bad guy who thinks she is dumb and loved my late wife more than her.
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Well, if wife #2 were your
Well, if wife #2 were your initial wife, what percentage of your business would you be leaving her then? I doubt you would have demanded that your initial wife show some sort of "proper" interest in your business as well. You would have just, more than likely, left it all to her or left her some sort of percentage. This is a big issue with us "second wives"--being treated and thought of as sloppy seconds. I'm not going to go on and on here, I'm just going to say that it really really sucks to be treated as a lesser wife. And, given that you are judging her interest as some sort of gauge vs. her role as your wife, I agree with your current wife on this. Prenups don't matter in the sense that a prenup should not be used to treat someone as a lesser wife.
Now, in reference to her children, your stepchildren, getting a share or the same share as your own children, that is a slightly different matter. All things considered, you are in a position to pick and chose among children, step or not, who you care to leave your assets to. However, out of consideration for your wife, you may want to leave her children something; it doesn't have to be a percentage of the business. You say they are all young, but one of them may show a true interest in your business at some point. What about then? Something to think about. I guess I'm wondering if "showing an interest in the business," even tho. you go on about it above, is the real gauge you are using vs. this business is mine! It is mine via me and mine via descendants of my DNA.
To be fair if I thought my
To be fair if I thought my late wife was not enthusiastic about the business I would not have left it to her either. I actually would like my business to go to people who will run it well. My late wife gave away 20% of her half to our kids so she too did not leave it all to me. It isn't about role of wife vs interest when it comes to a business. It takes a lot and I am not seeing a Commitment from her. I also did not give any percentage to my son who has little interest so I won't change my stance on that.
I hardly think the kids are too young to be interested. I started my first 'business' at 11 and I have been hustling ever since. With my own kids, I have introduced them to all my businesses from a young age. My wife come from the school of thought that children should be children and not introduce to such adult things. I disagree but it isn't my place and none of the children has shown any interest.
That explains a lot, then.
That explains a lot, then. Hustling since age 11. Not judging you for that; however, it does let me know that business acumen (and hustling) is truly your #1 priority. I won't waste any more time then, trying to explain the difference between the feelings of a wife or child and dollar bills. You won't get it.
Money (or owning a business) has never had much, if any, value to me. And, I'll add, that is why I don't have much of it and never will. It is just paper and just things to me. What does have value to me, however, is relationships and understanding that we are all the same inside and out and all have equal value. Feelings take precedence with me. I'm looking at the feelings and roles involved here, and you are looking at the business and what that means and operating it "properly." So, we are basically two different beings, or might as well be.
Again, trying not to put a judgement on this. Just saying that we could banter back and forth for centuries, and you'd be focusing on the tangible, dollars and success, and I'd be focusing on the relationships, the roles, the huggy, kissy, touchy, feeling. I am a sociologist, and you are an MAB. If not literally, then figuratively. So, I know at the end of the day you'll do what works best for you, and sincerely best of luck to you with that.
I just don't believe in
I just don't believe in giving people roles and positions they cannot handle or are not passionate about. It is setting them up for failure and stress. Business doesn't care about feelings unless they are the clients' or customers'. I agree we fundamentally disagree on this.
What is a MAB?
Master of Arts in Business.
Master of Arts in Business. It is not about giving people roles and positions that they cannot handle. I never said to make your wife CEO of your business once you pass or otherwise. Of course business doesn't care about feelings. But, if you see your business and your spouse and children as being on some sort of level playing field, then you aren't going to want to risk baby #1, your business, for the world. Or, you could say you are married to your business. But, that happens a lot in step-situations, where roles are all messed up. At the end of the day, that is what causes most of the friction.
There is a big difference
There is a big difference between leaving money and leaving a business interest to someone. There is an excellent reason that most "family" businesses either go belly up or go public within 3 generations! The stereotype of the hardworking progenitor, somewhat endulged off-spring, and spoiled trustfund baby grandchild is not far off the mark most of the time.
My suggestion would be to get with an attorney who focuses on transfer of family wealth and businesses and run all this by him or her. I strongly suspect that the majority of your family, including your wife, will be happy with the proceeds of the business and maybe an honorary seat on a board without enough interest to do any damage. Only one or two will actually be interested in the nuts and bolts of running the business and they will be have the opportunity for compensation through their efforts far exceeding what was simply given to those who did not want to work. "Fair" is nice and all that but we are talking about your life's work and whether it will continue or be driven into the ground after you are gone.
This is the exact reason why
This is the exact reason why I want passionate people running my business whether it includes family or not. I have worked hard. I rather sell than see my business driven down by family. I however do not agree with people gaining money through business interest only because they are related. It just breathes entitlement and spoiled rotten to me. I believe in hard work = money not right family = money. That is why if someone in my family or employee really showed me they were truly interested I would 100% be willing to give out percentages on that. But I have to see the willingness to work hard
And that is why so many
And that is why so many companies have employee profit-sharing schemes and stock options.
My girlfriend is a lawyer who
My girlfriend is a lawyer who just got retired after 35 years working in law. She said that she came across many cases when "legally" bound pre-nups or post nups that are seemingly done correctly are being disputed in courts and thrown out or altered. Many cases.
Her advice is that if people don't think to leave majority of assets or all assets to their spouses and if they don't want themselves or their families go through legal battles, they are better off just dating or cohabitating. No need to marry.
That doesn't help now, we're
That doesn't help now, we're married. I really do hope disputes do not form because I have had detailed discussions with lawyers and my wife prior to marriage about my wishes.
A post nuptual agreement may
A post nuptual agreement may be a good idea even though you havr a prenup.
Those are often disputed in
Those are often disputed in courts too
Aaaannndddd
another reason not to legally tie the knot. Especially with someone who has a previously enjoyed family whether they be widowed or more commonly, divorced.
I’m a little confused how you have set this
Ingeritance up that if your kids show interst in the business that you will up the percentages. This just seems vague because what happens if you die and one of your kids believes she has shown incredible interest in your business but you have not increased her inheritance share accordingly.. i feel the way you have explained it in your post is gonna bring many issues when you die because your kids and current wife will be in court fighting for what my right and my share etc...
i’ll explain my situation to you which is different but at least explains how my husband decided to handle things.
he was married to exwife 14+ years, 3 kids from that marriage who are now 24.5, 22 and 14.5. exwife was abusive, tried sabotaging all her pregnancies, didn’t want to be a mother and treated their kids like slaves. Kids were brainwashed and conditioned so well to play nice so hubby couldn’t see this but hubby knew she wasn’t being a stay at home housewife and she tried actively to sabotage his career whilst married and during the divorce got him demoted
my husband felt very strongly she deserved no assets of his and fought hard that she was not equal to half share of anything. He bought their marital home and she did not work since they married.
In the divorce she got 50% of the profits from the sale of the marital home and a lump sum payment. She was furious but my husband was adamant she did not contribute to his quality of life.
after the divorce my husband rose up to snr vp of his company at national headquarters. His salary jumped 10times and we’re not factoring in yearly bonuses which tend to be several months worth of salary but he works his arse off for that salary.
we have been married 5.5 yrs now, we have 2 kids together (i had a miscarriage 4 months ago), my husband since our second child was about 1.5 had willed his pension savings 100% to me on the basis if he died, 2 kids currently are adults and the youngest kid would be an adult whilst ours would still be minors (we’re basing hypothetically in the next decade or so).
so my husband felt since 2 adult kids have completed university paid for by him, and all 3 of my skids have financially benefitted from my husband that he needed to provide the same for our kids.
also his exwife has still brainwashed eldest sd 24.5 to harrass hubby about transferring properties of hubbys into skids names only like me and my kids do not exist. Hubby knows her games too well.. i told hubby very clearly i would not be put in a situation of an exwife who would fraudulently claim and doctor documents (which she did during divorce) after hubbys death and seek to make us homeless and greedily keep everything for her and my 3 skids like we do not exist.
my husband also agreed in that current economic climate to invest in my country was better and we did buy a home (my husband purchased it from savings and put it solely in my name), so if anything were to happen to him that i and my 2 kids would always have a home becaus ehe sure as hell knows exwife and skids sould kick me And my kids out of marital home when my husband dies. Even my ss has been told by my husband that this marital home is my and my kids right to reside in whenever we want and not for ss to do as he pleases should hubby no longer be alive...
skids do not know my husband started a secret savings for them, its a decent amount to provide a buffer or supplementary income for them. My husband does not trust any of them to manage his estate as they are controlled by bio mum.
some may say well my husband was married 14+ yrs to the exwife and she deserves way more, but 80-90% of pension savings were gained after his divorce as all his bonuses were put into his retirement savings so its grown massively.
my husband has only seen me as supportive and not his exwife or skids and that in the 5.5 yrs i have been married to him that he has had a life that never existed pre-me and that is why he feels the need to ensure my kids have the same benefits and financial support that skids have benefitted from.
If my husband told me he wouldn’t ensure me and my kids were cared for should he die, I wouldn’t be married to him since exwife has been allowed to not have or get a job for 26+ years or be equally responsible for the 3 kids they had together yet i have been the primary parent for my kids and currently stuck in my country of birth with our 2 kids because of covid and not likely to see my husband for a year, if my husband didn’t see the need to protect me from exwife and skids, he knows I wouldn’t stick around.
all those stressful times at work, he comes to me to vent. Not skids.
Op, whatever your exwife wanted should not be set in stone. She didn’t know you would re-marry or potentially have more kids. For her to greedily dictate and oressure you and say nope our kids get everything and everyone else peanuts is the reason why alot of second families seem 2nd class.
i get you saying your current wife stands to get at least $6 million currently but what happens to your bio kids who do not contribute to the business? The bio kids who show no interest??
Then i ask, your current wife, is she the person you come to after a long hard day at work?? Is she the one you go to when stressful for comfort? For intimacy? Does she maintain your marital home? Does she do the housework (as it seems from what you posted that she is a stay at home housewife)? Is her doing all that and taking the reigns at home allow you to focus on your business more?
If the answer is yes, then she has contributed to the growth of your business just in my case as me helping contribute to my husbands growth in his career. There are plenty of times he has to fly at a moments notice and he needs me to help pack stuff etc... to handle errands etc... my husband doesn’t see me as a stay at home housewife that hasn’t helped him be focussed enough at work to earn those bonuses and remain in his job.
There are some narrow minded people that think its the guy who is the reason why they have maintained the business and the wife is a bed warmer. But without her being the rock by your side, you wouldn’t have the comfort you likely have right now.. think about that when you feel your wife is unfair.
after you marry those rose coloured glasses come away
You have misunderstood. My
You have misunderstood. My first wife died. We were together for 30 years from since we were 17. She rode the waves with me on this business she duly deserved a say in what to do with her 50% and she did.
My current wife and I have no children together. My son is unlikely to care greatly as he has branched off into e-commerce on his own and has been seeing some great sales so far. I think everyone will be in a great financial position. I have never insisted or forced my current wife to be a housewife. She at first quit her job to come work for me, that did not work out, she hated it. She now works part time. I have greatly appreciated her support and all she does for me now. However, she has shown no commitment to the business that warrants a stake in the business. I think $6 million with the right investments can go very far. She can be set for life.
6 million is generous and she
6 million is generous and she should feel secure with that.
I think you should explore postnup options. If she refuses to sign, I think it would show her true intentions in the marriage. It might be best to weed out that answer sooner than later.
If you don't mind my asking, is there a difference in your age and your wife's age?
Ok i got you know. So i think your previous wife’s stake in the
business of 50% you can do as she wanted as per her terms so it really comes down to your 50% share. You say she works part time for the business but has shown no committee to it?? She has kids also from a prior marriage or relationship right? Is she feeling most of her time is dedicated to her kids maybe?
how did you meet your current wife because you say she left her prior job to work for you and didn’t like it??
Trust me part time work is
Trust me part time work is not a commitment. Her kids are a tween and teens; not little babies. She and I met at a conference. She left her job after we got married not before.
Plenty of people work part time with young kids in primary schoo
together with maintaining a home. That is commitment.
plenty of my friends worked part time so they could be able to pick their kids up primary school after they finished work and only proceeded to fulltime if they had parents who could babysit a bit for before and after school or could afford daycare.
so please don’t generalize that all part time workers show no committment whatsoever. Plenty of my part-timer coworkers in my prior job worked their arses off and were so efficient in their jobs... plenty of mums re-enter the workforce as part timers, they might not be harvard business graduates but they do work their arses off.
i think you need to think long and hard whether she might bea gold digger or not. My husband met plenty and his exwife showed her true colours after marriage..
but i have to also ask... is your wife maintaining your home? Doing the household chores? Because she might also be a woman who just prefers being domesticated and aces at that??
i have been married to my husband 5.5 yrs and quit my job ro move overseas to his country. I actually beginning of last yr started my university studies and should finish end of next yr and that is with a husband working full time leaving home at 7am and back around 9pm at earliest and on call 24/7, working weekends often for functions and my kids are 3 & 4.5. If anybody claimed I didn’t have a real job and showed no commitment, believe me they would be getting an eff you big time because they obviously have no clue how hard that is
Not being happy with the 6
Not being happy with the 6 million dollars she will receive and jocking for her kids to get in on the cash grab makes her a gold digger.
I understand your position on
I understand your position on the business and think you're being fair. Your wife is getting what she agreed to when you married and otherwise is well provided for in your will. I would be disturbed by the focus on money and inheritance, frankly. Presumably you and your wife love each other, she is benefiting currently from your business and she didn't marry you for your money. If that's the case AND (and this is important) you treat her as an equal partner in your marriage/family and don't prioritize your children over her in your day to day life (think hard about this), then I think her focus on her inheritance is concerning. Is this the main thing you fight about, or does she have other complaints about your children, how you treat them in relation to her, etc.
Consider that this might not really be about the inheritance. Then again, she might just be greedy.
Honestly this was a not an
Honestly this was a not an issue until I said that I was giving my daughter another 10%. Before that everything was fine. I mean she and my kids aren't close but they weren't adverse to each other either. It hasn't been a bed of roses but I think a lot of it was that they don't really know each other because my kids were basically adults when we got married.
Any money, assets, personal property.
Coming into the second marriage it yours to do what you want. That is why for prenup. What wife two was good with and sign it. What is made in second marriage sgoulf be divided differently. Between second wife and all the kids. Your second wife has buyers remorse. Seeing what she thinks is her money going to your kids.
But she understood this when shr sign the prenup
Nasty!
Nasty! Yet, why do I get the feeling that "second wives" often do have buyer's remorse? Oh! I know why. It is because being a step-parent (SM) sucks so bad after the fact, especially when you find out that pretty much everyone under the sun, including your own DH, tends to see you as sloppy seconds. Offhand, I can't think of any woman in the year 2020 who would sign up for that; but, there certainly are quite a few people around who thoughts about women, particularly SMs, is more akin to the 1920s than the 2020s. 1920 was when women in the US finally got the right to vote, by the way.
What I find particularly astounding too, is that even if it is the woman's first marriage, but her husband's second marriage and he has children, 1st-marriage SM will still be thought of as sloppy seconds. Now THAT really stinks. She didn't even get a shot at firsts. Yep! I know I for one understand why a lot of "second wives" have buyer's remorse.
Anyone who isn't satisfied
Anyone who isn't satisfied with a guaranteed 6 MILLIONS DOLLARS is a gold digger. The fact that she expects you to include your stepkids in your will speaks volumes.
If she's so concerned about her children having money, why can't she give them some of her millions? I would definitely divorce her.
It's hard to accept that the person you love is using and manipulating you, but that is exactly what your wife is doing.
Your kids are going to be in for one hell of a fight when you pass away.
My stand on inheritance is
My stand on inheritance is that if a couple earned money over a long-term marriage, it should mostly be left to the kids, provided you don't leave your new spouse high and dry in a box under a bridge somewhere. So your business should go to your kids, because your late wife and you earned that money during the marriage.
6 million is generous, certainly. It sounds like your wife is in a tit-for-tat with your kids. Daughter gets more, so she should get more. As much as all of us feel scapegoated about being stepmothers, there really are some jealous and competitive stepmothers out there.
As for her kids, she can leave assets that she and their father amassed, or what's left of the 6 million you will leave her. Not your job to take care of them, unless you want to.
How many years have you been
How many years have you been married to 2nd wife?
I say get a divorce,,,let
I say get a divorce,,,let those chips fall where they fall and leave everything to your kids. Problem solved.