Being besties with your ex.
I was just discussing step parenting with a girlfriend of mine from work. She married her hubby five years ago and she has a 13 year old step son. She says her husband is still very close with his ex wife and they all do birthday parties and other special occasions together.
Now for me this would not work. In fact this way of thinking by my now ex led to our relationships demise. I have seen a therapist recently and he said that it is really hard to have this one big family unit with your family and the ex etc and he said it can be confusing for the kids etc and it makes it harder for new spouses. But my friend at work says that everything is good and she has no issues with the bm. I have heard of it working out when exes are all friendly etc. I mean look at Ben afleck and Jennifer garner. Those two still act like they are a couple for the benefit of the kids.
My question is which way is better and if the new partner is not comfortable with all of this friendliness than should it stop? Or should both parties move on and find spouses that are comfortable with it. ?!? Just curious as to how u all run things with a bm who is not high conflict but ever present.
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You're a lucky girl to have
You're a lucky girl to have found the unicorn of post-divorce relationships with your XH. Good for you
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your marriage ended amicably. That is the key, for when there is no anger, there is really very little to fight about. When two adults come to the realization that the marriage is no longer working, and there is no betrayal or anger, it should be very easy to co-parent and for each party to move on.
I wish Asshat and I were able to have that kind of relationship, but we weren't. It made parenting when my kids were young way more difficult than it had to be
Annie what if your new
Annie what if your new partner was not comfortable with this friendships. Would u back off for the sake of your new spouse or would you break it off with a new partner?
I was always cordial with my
I was always cordial with my ex and his wife. I don't think you could ever say we were buddies or best of friends.
We did sit together at my oldest wedding. We sit on the same pew at church but my middle son set between us. At the reception we sit at the same table. We did that ONLY for my son. All 4 (My ex, his wife, My DH and myself) decided we could deal with it for a few hours for my son. The wedding lasted probably about 30 minutes and I left early from the reception to pick up my middle son from the Airport. I also met my ex and his wife and my kids at a restaurant when my middle son was leaving for the Military. We did that for support. My DH didn't join us at that time.
We always did separate birthday party's, vacations and holidays. We would speak to each other at kid activities but we did not sit together.
This is how I operated for
This is how I operated for years with my ex until he started dating the psycho he's now married to.
My husband and I do most things joint with his ex for their kids. It works for all of us.
However, that doesn't mean anyone acts like their still together for the kids. None of the kids have ever been confused. Well, until the psycho stepmom.
I don't think either way is "better". I wasn't willing to change our dynamic for a new partner. Thankfully, my now-husband was able to accept it and then incorporated it with his kids and ex.
I would never have changed things for a new partner though.
Momof3 so you would not have
Momof3 so you would not have married your hubby if he didn't want to play family with your ex? The relationship you have with your ex is more important than a new spouse? Not trying to be a wise ass. Just tryin to understand
It's not playing family. It's
It's not playing family. It's being able to interact as adults for our kids. If my current husband hasn't been willing to do that, we wouldn't have moved forward.
That doesn't mean we were together constantly, but we could interact at kids events without the kids having to feel pulled in 2 different directions or like they had to choose between parents.
We SDstb17 and SD13 birthdays
We SDstb17 and SD13 birthdays with BM and her parents. We all get along and her parents are very friendly and welcoming. We also go to events and sit together like recitals, school concerts, etc. It all depends on the family and relationships. DH and BM1 aren't besties, but are friendly bordering on friends. It certainly makes things a lot easier, and I'm sure the girls appreciate having no tension and not being pulled in different directions.
That being said, BM1 isn't crazy. If she was, I would have no part of that. I don't know any of BM2's family and would never go to a family event with them. Her husband, SSs stepdad, is very nice though so we and BM2 chat at baseball games if we are ever there at the same time
I was always PROFESSIONAL
I was always PROFESSIONAL with my ex-spouses. Not the all out scorched earth, try to make your ex suffer the most sort of mindset that is popular with the juvenile GUBM.
I think there's a happy medium. Having celebrations and practically sleeping over with your ex "for the sake of the children" (TM) is one extreme.
Scorched earth is the other, more common extreme emanating from the classic psycho PASinator BM.